


Mi Alma

by Deandeanmoose



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Father Barba, Father-Daughter Relationship, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, raising teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-01-17 23:02:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 82,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12375960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deandeanmoose/pseuds/Deandeanmoose
Summary: Rafael Barba's past was one of mostly mystery to his co-workers. But when a tragic attack drags out his secret daughter, the squad has to save the day.





	1. It's a date

"Mi Alma!" I yelled up the steps as I looked at my watch for the sixth time, "were gonna be late!"

"Calm down, we have time papi." A young dark blonde started down the steps.

Her dress sat at her knees, a soft purple cocktail dress made the sixteen year old girl show off her maturity that was much greater then her age. Her hair pinned up beautifully in soft curles, her bright green eyes glowing with her sun-kissed skin and ruby lips. Short heels carried her to her proud father. I held up her cotton biker jacket for her to slip on.

"Besides, I'm the one that will be left waiting when you get called away." She snarked as she opened the door.

"I had carmen hold all calls."

"Did you tell SVU? I know Liv has your personal number." She smiled as I locked the door.

"Stop right there, No necesito tu actitud señorita(I dont need your attitude missy.). Second, I promised mi Alma a full night together.... and I have been dying to see this show." I opened the cab door.

She slid in and I sat down beside her, the short drive to our broadway show beginning. I watched her pull out the two tickets, her present for passing her big test at college. I knew she was nervous about it but in true Barba fashion, she knocked it out of the park. I had already planned on getting the tickets either way, but having her happy was better then depressed during their always favorite father-daughter activity. As the cab stopped in front of the theater, I opened the door and helped her out. I watched as she walked in, well poised as always. And as usual, she caught me staring.

"What?"

"Nothing." I shrugged and took my ticket before moving into the main hall.

"Mierda(Bullshit)." She mumbled as I turned around with a small smirk.

"Listen, you can talk like that once your fully-grown and out of my house missy.Aún eres mi niña.(You are still my little girl.)" I warned her and kissed her forehead, "mi alma (my soul).... forever and always."

"Forever and always papa." She hugged me before shedding her jacket and walking to our seats.

This was a common tradition with the Barbas, at least once a month we went to see a play or musical. It started when my daughter was five, Alma Saxon Barba fell in love with theater and has made it her life goal to be on broadway. Of course with a father that worked long hours and most weekends, she grew up being raised by her abulieta (grandma) lucia and great grandmother catalina when I was busy. She learned to cook young and take care of herself, and before I knew it the little girl i held as a baby and promised to raise to be better then her parents... she was almost a adult. She graduated high school at just shy of fifteen and got a full ride scholarship to julliard. For the past two years she has been studying theater, acting, and music. And just like her papi that got the same style scholarship, she was a straight A student. The only catch being since her dad never really talks about her, she carried it on as well.... Her stage name and school use name is Saxon D'ofreno. Her middle name and mothers maiden name.

So as the two enjoyed their bonding time, the usual happened. During the third set, almost to the end, my phone vibrates and she glares at me.

"Mi alma, I promise no interruptions." She mimicked as i glared back.

"Mi alma, I will ground you." I smirked at her eye roll and silenced the call.

Two minutes later and four calls later with five texts, she glares at me and motions to the door. I get up and heads to the lobby, answering the next call coming in from benson.

"What." He bit out.

"I need a warrant."

"I'm off work. I am a half hour from the office and a hour away from being able to have a warrant signed if I can even get a judge to sign it this late."

"Testy much. Did I interrupt a date or something?"

 _ **Not quite**_. "Something like that."

"We have a perp that plans on leaving the country in the morning, we need to search tonight to get the evidence to hold him." She sighed, "can you please get me a warrant."

"Fine, I'll be there soon." I hung up and frowned.

I looked up to see my daughter standing in the doorway, "you have to go."

"lo siento (Im sorry.) I'll make it up to you."

"Dont worry about it," she took her jacket and tossed it on, "go save the city superman, your daughter will just go home and study."

"You dont have to leave."

She cuts me off, "it wasn't that great of a show... their lead soprano was off and giving me a headache."

I smiled and opened the door, "I'll be home soon, promise."

"Haven't you ever heard not to make promises you cant keep." She smiled and kissed my cheek, "go. I'll see you soon."

I rushed down the street as my daughter got in a cab, my mind focusing on the current case again hoping to make it home before midnight.

* * *

As I walked into the precinct after Liv told me they had obtained the suspect, and I was fuming. I already got a call from the attorney of said suspect, one detective might have roughed up the suspect. Instead of going home to my daughter, i went to see Liv and the detective i knew would rough up the guy. 

"Ok, where is detective stabler?" I shut the office door with a small slam.

"At home with Noah and Eli." Olivia removed her glasses, "why?"

"The defense attorney for your suspect just filed a assault report on a detective that 'roughed him up'." I glared, "I didn't need a name to know which one it was."

"Elliot didn't rough him up, he ran and Elliot and Carisi tackled him." She smiled softly, "it's not important, we'll fix it. Now, how was your date?"

"It wasn't a date, it was like a date and I didn't get to finish the show." I quipped, "now seriously, fix this and I'm going home."

"When do we get to meet this date?"

"Oh it wasn't a date.... and Never." I smiled, "bye Liv."

* * *

I had just gotten home, locking the door and frowning at the mostly silent home. No tv on, no lights.... No feet jumping on the floor above him. 

I slowly walked up the steps and called softly, "Mi Alma,papá está en casa (dad's home.)"

No reply earned a frown as I faintly heard music from my office. I frowned and walked in to see her sleeping in my chair with her face in a book. Her phone playing music to try and keep her up, only helped put her out. I slowly turned off the music and carried her with her phone to her room. I tucked her in, laid the phone on the nightstand, and sat the book on her bag she used for school. bending down to kiss her forehead, i brush the hair out of her face. As I seen the time, i left her room lingering by the door a moment before shutting it.

"Goodnight Mi Alma,dulces sueños(sweet dreams)." I smiled before heading to bed.


	2. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael sits down with Saxon to talk about memories.

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

It was late when I got home, not extremely late just later then usual. As I walked up the steps of my brownstone, i caught a wonderful sight. Saxon sat in the big picture window on the front of the house, stretched to fill the seat as she watched the stars starting to glow in the sky, what little you could through the lights off New York. I chuckled and walked in quietly, slipping around the corner after silently as possible sitting my stuff down. I walked over and tapped her shoulder just to watch her jump.

"Dad!" She slapped my hand as I laughed.

"What's wrong Alma?" I teased as she slapped my arm again.

"Be nice."

"Ok, lo promento (I promise)." I kissed her head before she caught my wrist. 

"Papa, can you tell me about mom again?" She looked over with those puppy eyes and I caved in.

I sat on the opposite side of the picture window, one leg stretched along the glass and my other on the edge about to fall off. She brought her legs up between mine, knees bent with her arms wrapped around them. Her head on top with a small smile as her painted toes danced up against my inner thigh. She looked like that five year old girl waiting for me in the window to get home even after her abuelita told her not to.

I pushed some hair back from her face, "your mother was beautiful. And sweet... But very troubled. She didn't tell me much about her past but she ran away from home and made it to New York City hoping for a fresh start. Sadly, that fresh start was lost when she trusted a nice guy that helped her from being robbed in the alley behind a bar. He turned out to be a pimp and he forced your mother to do horrible things until one day, she witnessed something horrendous. She witness a murder and went into hiding."

"Then two detectives found her and brought her to you." She smiled softly as I chuckled.

"Yes, and she told me everything and took the stand. The man was sent away for life and she came to think me afterwards. Then she told me her good news, she got into rehab and was getting clean. So I gave her my number and told her to call if she ever needed something, and after rehab she called me for coffee. She told me how she lost contact with everybody and was starting over, she asked me to be her friend." I sighed, "so I did. We would get a drink together and talk, I could tell her about work and she could talk about fighting addiction. After a few months, it kept going and after a hard case... I accidentally slept with your mother. We agreed it was a one time thing and it would never be a relationship, then a month later she told me she was pregnant."

"With me." She smiled softly.

"Yes with you." I chuckled, "but she refused to let me do anything about it. She didn't want to date me or marry me because of a baby. So we stayed friends and I helped her out. She never asked me to go to appointments, she told me when they were... But she always brought me photos. She was three days shy of ten months when she went into labor and called me to the hospital. She died due to complications after giving birth to a beautiful baby girl, one Alma Saxon Barba. She told me the name she picked, my last name and Saxon because it was a the name she wished she had. And Alma because she said you would be my soul, and she wasn't lying. One look and I was wrapped around your finger."

"Still are." She giggled, "niña de papá(daddy's little girl.)"

"Exactly, so I promised to name you that and I did."

"So mom, she knew it was coming?" She asked as I leaned back and tugged her legs tight to my chest.

Her head still rested on them, but she was almost against my chest, "she had a feeling, She made me promise to name you that. I thought she was crazy but, I should've known better."

"Do you ever miss mom?" She uncurled a little to adjust and turn around to almost sit in my lap.

"Of course. It wasn't love but she was a good friend. And she gave me you." I kissed her head, "and I will forever be grateful for you. Mi Alma Forever and always."

"Forever and always." She smiled and I let my fingers brush her hair back and I could see that tattoo I hated at the time.

_She made me promise she could get a tattoo when she graduated high school. Of course she graduated just before her fifteenth birthday and I couldn't back out especially after she got a full ride scholarship. So I took her to a tattoo parlor of my choice, so she didn't wind up with some disease, and watched as she told the girl where she wanted it and whispered what it was. After almost two hours, she was finally done and ready to show me this much needed tattoo. She brushed her hair back and folded her ear down so I could see it clearly, it read 'Mi Alma ; Forever and Always'._

I traced the ink on her skin softly around her ear. She smiled and looked up at me, that same smiled i fell in love with when she was first born.

"Hey papa?"

"Yes Alma?" I hummed.

 "You were thinking about my tattoo, weren't you?" She smirked.

"The small heart attack you gave me, yes I was." I chuckled as she nestled tighter in my arms.

"You love it now, don't you.... Cleverly done too." She boasted.

"The fact you did a nude overlay so you can't see it as easy, yes it was. Very clever my beautiful girl." I smiled, "do you remember what your abuelita said?"

"Su estúpido(Your stupid)." She chuckled, "then she tried to scrub it off with soap because she couldn't believe you would let me get it."

"I'm surprised she didn't get the frying pan." I smiled as she giggled and covered her lips.

"Abuelita was going to kill you." 

I squeezed her close and rested my chin on her head, "do you remember your first day of college?"

"How could I forget, I called you crying in the bathroom because a jerk called me a name and I was on my period." She smiled, "it felt like my first period all over again."

I gave a small neck jerk and she let out a beautiful giggle, "single fatherhood wasn't that great."

 "But it was worth it." She sighed, "wasn't it."

"Every second Mi Alma...every horrible second." I chuckled and she closed her eyes.

"You are the best dad, you know that right?"

"You won't let me forget it." I kissed her head, "so why are you looking out this window anyways?"

"Waiting for you. I wanted to hear about mom again." She looked at me, "at school the kids were talking about going to see their parents on the long weekend this week and that lead to stories about parents. Strangely I was the only one in the group besides Zack that didn't have a cookie cutter family."

"You know that doesn't matter. Your mother loved you, she died for you." I wiped a tear off her cheek, "Dios guarde su alma(god rest her soul), she wanted to be there for you."

"I know papa." She slowly started to get up, until my arm stayed tight at her waist and pulled her back down.

"Don't leave yet. I miss this time with you." I whispered as she nuzzled back into her spot from before.

"Me too... I miss our time alone papa." She closed her eyes and smiled as I hummed in her ear, "can you sing for me? Por favor (please)?"

"Ok, one song." I squeezed her tight to me as we both looked out onto the dark street, _"Don't worry about a thing,_  
_'Cause every little thing gonna be all right._  
_Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,_  
_'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."_

She smiled and started to rock in my arms, I was having flash backs to the baby girl I use to hold every night.

 _"Rise up this mornin',_  
Smiled with the risin' sun,  
Three little birds  
Perch by my doorstep  
Singin' sweet songs  
Of melodies pure and true,"

She cut in with a smooth bird whistle of the background melody.

_"Sayin', 'This is my message to you-ou-ou:"  
_

Her lips curled up as she rocked with me softly and sang the chorus.

 _"Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,_  
_'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."_  
_Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,_  
_'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"_

She giggled and hid her blushing face as it grew red from her laughing, I pulled her hands down and wrapped her into a hug from behind, her arms pinned down under mine now. 

"Dad let me go, " she giggled and struggled to get free.

"Nope, if I let you go you'll keep growing and stop being my little girl." I reasoned as she turned to kiss my cheek.

"I'll always be your little girl. You know that." She kissed my cheek.

"I know... I know." I watched her slowly pull away.

"Well let me start supper." She started and I grabbed her wrist to stop her.

"Let's both cook. I haven't done it in a while and you won't back down and let me." I had her help me up, "let's cook."

She rolled her eyes and walked with me to the kitchen, I wasn't wasting a single moment I had tonight. Because before I know it, she'll be grown up and moved out. I wasn't ready, I still need more memories with her.


	3. Worry and hope

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

A few days later, Rafael arrived home from work to find me eating cake batter and watching Newsies. He smiled and stole a finger swipe in the batter before I smacked his hand away.

"Get your own old man."

"I bought it, you share it." He leaned over the couch to kiss my forehead, "where did this come from?"

"I have a huge talent show coming up and I'm stressing out. Not ony do I have to perform a theater troup for a grade but I also have to do a solo. This will help them pick the main roles for the annual show that we still haven't been told what it is.... my teachers expect a breath taking performance and I am stressing. Stressing means cake batter and comfort." I frowned up, "love you papa."

"You'll do fine mi alma,nunca dudes de ti mismo (never doubt yourself.)"

"Easy for you to say." I mumbled and raf decided to prove it.

He tossed his jacket on the table, tie with it, shoes beside it with the belt. His vest laid on top as he grabs some water from the fridge and plops down beside me. I rolled my eyes as he puts an arm around me, a second kiss to my head and he dropped a spoon in the batter. I chuckled as he took a bite and it trailed down his chin, so i wiped it off his chin.

"Messy papi."

"You know I love you mi alma." He smiled and i nodded.

"I know, I love you too." I poked his nose as their favorite song came on.

The world will know started playing and raf squeezed me close as i chuckled. We burst out in song, smiled and laughed. Raf had picked me up and laughed as I begged to be put down. The rough housing was missed dearly, he never did this anymore... and then we enjoying the rest of the movie before I went upstairs to work. He cleaned up and faintly heard my singing, he let his feet carry him up to my doorway, watching me as I blocked it all out. I never noticed him standing their, my 'beautiful voice' as he calls it, was shakey as I sang.

_"You always knew, didn't you mother. You always knew didn't you. You always knew didn't you mother, I was a stranger in this world." Her voice carrying softly through the house._

He smiled and piped in, " _who ever thought that these were the days of our lives._ "

I chuckled as he changed his voice, "Th _e sweet boys they crumble, the wicked rise and survive."_

We both finished it, "An _d they're running our lives, yes they're running our lives."_

I shook my head as i watched him in my door way, "solo means one person papi."

"So what this troup you have to do?" He sat down next to me on my bed.

I sat down the guitar, "thats not the problem. I got the one I wanted with the people I wanted... I'm pretty sure we'll win."

"Then whats this solo?"

"I dont know, thats the problem." I sighed and fell back dramatically on the bed.

"You haven't decided yet," he gave a small smile and leaned back to lay beside me, "Mi Alma, pick from the heart."

"Thanks dad, never thought about that." The sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"Why didn't I just let your abulieta raise you? Your to sarastic and mature."

"Like you could stand to never see me." I rolled my eyes.

"What about Santa Fe? Or that amazing rendition of Stranger in this world." He offered.

"Already taken and I don't think I can pull off boy george." She sighed, "In fact several songs and musicals are picked and I don't want to ruin the audition by doing a song already picked."

"Does it have to be from a musical?"

"No but it needs to show off my voice... I just, just don't know what to pick to sound good. Then I miss the play or get put in the background and hear how disappointed my teachers are." I sniffle, "I'm screwed."

I felt the tears spark and his arms pull me over to lay against him, he wiped the tears a few times and brushed the hair from my face, "hey, You'll figure it out, I know you will." 

Raf pursed his lips before humming in my ear, his go to song when i was little, " _Some day, when I'm awfully low, When_ _the world is cold, I_ _will feel a glow just thinking of you And_ _the way you look tonight. Yes, You're_ _lovely, with your smile so warm And_ _your cheeks so soft, There_ _is nothing for me but to love you, And_ _the way you look tonight."_

I smiled and cuddled closer, eyes closed as he kept going.

 _"With each word your tenderness grows,_  
_Tearing my fears apart_  
_And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,_  
_Touches my foolish heart."_

I took a deep breath, smiling as he slowly pulled us both up. He kissed my head and stroked my bangs back. That same calming smile he only gave me, he went to his office to work. I waited till he left the door at a crack before I picked up the guitar I had laid down and shut the door.  _ **I think I got it... Thanks Dad.**_

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

The next day I was on my way to SVU. Liv called about our current case and asked me to come down for a update with the whole team. I took the offer, knowing this case would be hell either way. I get off the elevator and Carisi immediately catches me.

"Councilor, here about this Willis case?"

"Liv called. Where is she?" I stopped as I heard the voice that jabs my nerves everytime.

"Noah had a small fall, wanted his mom." Stabler turned around, "she should be back in a few minutes."

"Ok, gives me a chance to ask about this new assault accusation I got." I looked at him, "Amaro too."

"Perp ran and I tackled him." Stabler shrugged as Amaro looked up to finish, "He pulled a knife. Self defense."

"So the eighteen stitches were a accident? They happened before?" 

"The guy is a rapist." Amaro shrugged.

"This isn't going to make trial unless you have good proof of that." 

Amanda stopped them from saying more as fin went to the break room. Carisi walked me over to the board and started over the evidence. I heard Liv enter as my phone vibrated. A text from Alma that I quickly checked hoping no matter need caught it.

> _**A** : Don't forget the show tonight. 7p.m. sharp! I'm the second one on and you won't want to miss it._

I smirked and nodded, wiping the grin off my face as Liv came over with everyone else and Carisi seen.

"What's that look about councilor? Finally met a girl?"

"Probably the girl from the other night." Liv added, "just a guess."

"No." I quickly shut it down, or tried.

"That definitely was a yes." Amanda smiled.

"I have somewhere to be soon, can we get this over with?" I tried to regain focus on the case and everyone begrudgingly followed.

* * *

I left with just enough time to run to the theater. My girl was going on stage and I wouldn't miss it for the world. I get there with a few minutes to spare and Mami was standing by the door.

"Mijo(son), cutting it close."

"I never miss her Mami. Not mi alma. Mi alma recibe toda mi atención (My soul gets all my attention.)" I smiled as we found our seats.

The shows started seconds later, a teacher announcing as they went. As she said, she was second up with her Troup. I was amazed, she and her group of six recreated rocky horror picture show from Broadway. My girl playing a perfect riff-raff and stealing the show. The teacher asked everyone to vote on their favorite Troup and then they continued with the other acts. Some dancing, a few singing, and plenty of talented people on instruments. This college was of course the finest, my Alma wouldn't take less. So when intermission came, I checked my phone to find missed calls and I left it.  _ **Mi Alma comes first. She's always my first.**_ It was only a few minutes after we returned, my beautiful girl took the stage. A simple silk red cocktail dress, hair styled like something out of the twenties... She almost looked like a lounge singer. She stood at the mic stand on stage. A soft swing started playing in the background, I recognized it immediately as I smiled.

 _"Some day,"_ she started, her voice that heavenly velvet like a siren... Drawing everyone in, _"_ _when I'm awfully low, When_ _the world is cold ,_ _I will feel a glow just thinking of you, And_ _the way you look tonight."_

She smiled and kept going as she held the mic like a lounge singer, _"You're lovely, with your smile so warm,_ _And your cheeks so soft._ _There is nothing for me but to love you,_ _And the way you look tonight. With each word your tenderness grows,_ _Tearing my fears apart_. _And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,_ _Touches my foolish heart."_

She kicked the mic stand over but caught it on her shoe to bring it up straight, her voice dropped to a much more manly tone flawlessly. " _Yes you're lovely, never, ever change_ _Keep that breathless charm._ _Won't you please arrange it?_ _Cause I love you_... _Just the way you look tonight."_

She switched back to her normal voice and smiled as she moved on flawlessly, " _With each word your tenderness grows,_ _Tearing my fears apart_ _And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,_ _Touches my foolish heart. ohhhhhhh."  
_

**_Where did this come from? I never knew she could get that deep of a_ ** _**voice.**_

 _"Yes you're lovely, never, ever change._ _Keep that breathless charm._ _Won't you please arrange it?_ " _S_ he belts out the ending perfectly, _"_ _'Cause I love you_. _Just the way you look tonight._ J _ust the way you look tonight."_ She smiled right at me and gave a small wink as she sang the last part, " _Darling,_ _Just the way you look tonight."_

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

As i finished the song i was met by a roar of applause, seeing my dad and abulieta among them. I was proud and took my cue to leave the stage, only making it off stage to my left to be grabbed by my best friend Daniel. He gave me a hug and smiled.

"That's how you rock the house." he let go and i looked to the audience at my dad.

"well it was for my dad, it had to be good."

"Lucky guy. Can't wait to see his face when you get the lead part in the play."

"I won't get the lead." i rolled my eyes, "You have a better chance."

"We'll see." he smiled and waited with me by the edge of the stage as the teachers came out and announced the choices.

I was beyond nervous, holding my breath as name after name was called for the second string roles. Then they called for main characters and as Daniel left to take his spot, my name was called and the audience waited for the teachers to name the show. I waited, my breath burning in my throat as they finally had all the students they needed on stage.

"Our show this year will be, Newsies!" she called as everyone cheered, "Daniel Barnes will be Bryan Denton, Micheal Coors will portray David Jacobs.... and Saxon D'onofrio will be Jack Kelly."

* * *

As the show came to a end, i walked out to my dad by the doors. He held out a arm and i tucked under it, kissing his cheek as he chuckled.

"perfecto. no habrá tiempo antes de que usted estará en Broadway mi alma (perfect. it will be no time before you'll be on broadway my soul.)" he hummed and kissed my head.

"You always say that papa, incluso cuando chupo (even when i suck.)"

"You most certainly didn't suck on that stage tonight." he tugged me down the way to walk home, "You are the lead in the play."

"Sí, un protagonista masculino que está siendo interpretado por una chica que ni siquiera puede votar todavía. Mis compañeros de escuela se burlarán implacablemente de mí (Yes, a male lead being played by a girl that cant even vote yet. My school mates will be relentlessly teasing me.)" i groaned, "I should turn it down."

"Never!" he pulled me into a diner, "You finally have a chance to show them you are a star. The star i know you are."

"Your my dad, you have to say that."

"Technically, no. I could say you were horrible but you weren't so... stop whinning." he kissed my head, "shake on me."

"ok papa, reese's or bust." I kissed his cheek again as we sat down.

_**I am not ready for this show. I am going to be ridiculed till I break at this point. I hate my classmates, this show will be my undoing. I can just feel it..... if only papa could see that.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week will start the chaos and the squad will meet Alma.


	4. What happened to Goodie two-shoes?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax goes to practice and leaves in a hurry.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

 After being casted in a leading spot, I was on a high. I loved the musical and got my favorite character even though it required a lot of work. After all I was a girl, playing one of the leading boys in a musical known for being mostly male. I was playing the one and only jack 'cowboy' from the hit Newsies, and I knew I had to play the part perfect. My director, he loved how I portrayed the character even if half the cast wished I wasn't there. Then before we knew it, we were at the last practice. Everything was perfect and we were mostly flawless in the lines. The session was wrapping up and our director/teacher was putting on his coat.

"behave" he smiled and waved goodbye to all of us, "don't party too hard and be on time tomorrow for opening night."

"Wait is he seriously just gonna leave us two hours early?" I nudge Daniel as I whispered.

"Cast party, tradition for the school."

"That sounds like a bad idea." I looked around at the rest of the students, half of which I wouldn't want to hang out with let alone party with.

"Trust me, it's fine. Just some booze and music.... It's as lame as a highschool party." He smirked.

"Yeah because I liked those so much." I rolled my eyes, "just take me home now."

The director was out the door and that's when things got chaotic, and everything went wrong. The party started, just the students with alcohol and some drugs like it was a Hollywood premiere party. I was about to leave and Daniel talked me into staying for a while and being a kid for once.

"Just relax and party with your castmates. You don't have to drink just be apart of the crew dude." He smiled and handed her a water, "relax."

"Ok, fine. Dad wasn't expecting me home till eight anyways." I took the water and smiled, "two hours won't kill me."

"There we go, sounds like a good start." Emily chuckled and winked at me before pulling Xena to dance with her.

Daniel sipped a beer and was dancing with me on the stage with some of the other cast. A few girls that were nice to me, Emily, Alice, Xena and Fiona, joined us and I blocked out my responsibilities for a while. Time was flying and before I knew it Xena was saying bye and leaving to get a jump on homework. Then Micheal had to but in.

"Hey Saxon, where's your beer? Or would you prefer something fruity." He smirked as a few guys laughed behind him.

"I'm only sixteen, it's illegal for me to drink alcohol." I rolled my eyes, "water is fine."

"I forgot miss goodie two-shoes." He quipped and walked over to take my bottle from my hands, "I should roofie you so you loosen up."

I felt like vomiting at his words alone, saying Micheal was my arch enemy was like saying Superman was just a man in tights... A major understatement. He has been a rude prick since I first met him and he made me cry while I was on my period my first day of college. I swear he lives to make me miserable, luckily I have some friends at school and a Daniel which is more then enough backup. Michael opened the cap and spit in my water bottle before handing it back. He shoved me back into Daniel who kept me from falling.

"What the hell Micheal?!" I spat back.

"Oops, she just said the H word... Better call her mommy." He smirked.

I broke, just at the mention of my mom like that. I threw the water at his face and used the distraction to tackle him on the ground. I seen red, a scary feeling I hadn't had before. I hit him twice before Daniel pulled me off and pulled me away as the guys with Micheal swarmed him.

"What the fuck bitch?!" He sat up and spit out some blood.

"Why do you have to be a dick?" I retorted and Daniel turned me around and pushed me out the door.

"Cool it sax, I'm taking you home." He pointed to the door and I went, hoping this wouldn't bite me in the ass.

I didn't even look back, I walked to his car as he followed. He just kept looking over, I wasn't about to speak anymore... Not till dad got the call from the school and I plead my case. The door opened and the girls rushed out and grabbed my arm as I was about to get in his car.

"Hey sax, wait up." Alice grabbed my arm and I turned around as Daniel frowned from the other side, "Micheal is a dick. You were right to defend yourself."

"Don't worry about it, we'll give a good word." Fiona smiled softly.

"I use to date the dick, he deserved it." Emily opened the door for you, "I know we can't talk you back in to the party. So hopefully we'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks," I nodded and got in as Daniel waved, "she'll be good, just make sure that asshole is ok."

They went back in as Daniel got in the car, he looked over and seen I wasn't to happy. He turned on the car and hit the radio. 

> _Crunk juice bombs, Oakley shades_  
>  _Shawty got class, oh behave_

"What are you, a wannabe pimp?" I looked at Daniel as he started dancing in his seat.

> _Let's get gone, walk it out (walk it out)_

"No, but I can love hip-hop." He smiled, "Come on, this is awesome dance music."

> _Just like that, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout_

I glare and he rolled his eyes and changed the station.

> _I like smoke and lightning_  
>  _Heavy metal thunder_  
>  _Racin' with the wind_  
>  _And the feelin' that I'm under_

I rolled my eyes and he switched again to the next station.

> _I'm feeling like I'm famous, the talk of the town_  
>  _They say I've gone mad_  
>  _Yeah, I've gone mad_  
>  _But they don't know what I know_

I sighed and he pulled out, the music helping my depressed mind better. We started down the alley from the parking lot, barely making it a few feet out before he hit his breaks and we both seen a horrendous crime. It looked like Xena was pinned down by two guys screaming for help with her clothes ripped, two others stood blocking our way. I started to open the door and Daniel tugged my hand away.

"Stay in here. I don't need you getting hurt too." He opened his door as I opened mine to his annoyance.

"Get off her." He warned.

"Or what?" The tall man moved closer.

My mind was on overdrive, trying to remember and hold a mental picture of each man. Trying to be helpful for the police later. I was pulled from my mission when one of the guys started towards me.

"Lookin ta party shawty?" He started to eye me as he approached.

"Get in and lock the door." Daniel ordered and I wasn't about to go against him when I felt this kind of fear.

I got in and locked the door pulling my phone and dialling 9-1-1. Daniel slammed his door shut and I locked it, slowly crawling into the backseat as I seen the man continue towards the car. I was visibly shaking as the man banged on the glass, but that fear was quickly taken over by seeing Daniel being shoved to the ground violently. He was fighting till the man banged his head against the ground. He was still with blood on the back of his head starting towards the ground. One guy was on top of him with a gun and one was still on top of Xena. Two were coming towards the car trying to break the glass as i tried to shrink even smaller.

"9-1-1 what is your emergency?"

"I'm being attacked. Two people are unconscious in the alley and four guys are trying to get me. I'm locked in a car." I was in tears as the glass broke and a man started grabbing my leg and trying to drag me out, "no! Get off me!"

"Come here little girl." The one slurred and tugged as I kicked him in the face.

He retracted back as I let out a small scream from broken glass pouring down from the now shattered windshield. I couldn't hear anything, my heart racing, vision blurring as I screamed and kicked every hand reaching for me. I was about to bolt, see if I could outrun them when I seen flashing lights and the purps ran. I was balled up and crying my body dry of water when the cops came up and knocked on the door. I jumped back as they tried to coax me out of the car, only to find it wasn't happening. They had called for back up and kept talking to me only causing me to withdraw more. By the time the door behind me opened and i fell against the female officer, I tried to fight only for her to drag me to the side to sit on a crate while two ambulances took Daniel and Xena away. A third was waiting for me, and it could keep waiting. They all tried to calm me and talk to me, they asked what happened and I couldn't even process it... Then the only words I could manage to say slipped out of my mouth.

"No... I want my dad."

It has been twenty minutes or so as they set up police tape and detectives tried to talk to me. I wasn't interested in speaking to anyone, I just want my dad.  ** _Daddy will know what to do, get me my dad. Please someone call my dad, give me a phone and I'll call. I want my dad, I need my dad!_** I watched the man approach with a woman. He was fairly tall, dark skin.... Probably Cuban like me. Dark brown hair and same colored eyes. He was sweet and kind, but didn't help my nerves. The blonde with the crystal blue eyes did better but I wasn't budging.

"Hey are you ok" he asked before she leaned down, "do you need a medic?"

I shook my head and she frowned, "you have blood on your pants."

"No."

They called a medic over but I wouldn't unroll from my little ball for them to check me over. I just shook and repeated the same words.

"No... I want my dad."

The blonde walked away, the male detective stood back trying to wait me out.  _ **Great, now I'm a toddler in trouble.**_ I rolled my eyes. Finally, a young red head officer held up her phone, "here, can you call him? Ask him to come down here please."

I nodded and took the phone, carefully hitting each number as I stayed curled up. Three rings and then....

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

It was another late night at the office, I sent Carmen home on time so she wouldn't miss her niece's birthday party. She asked about Saxon and I showed her the video from the talent show a few weeks back, and a photo of her in costume for the musical. She had me promise to tell her good luck if she isn't able to make the opening night tomorrow, and of course I would. As the clock struck seven thirty, my personal phone rang with a unknown number. I picked it up and shrugged as I answered and went to keep writing.

"Hello?"

"Papa." Her voice was wet and I heard a lot of noise in the background, "papa, I need you."

She was crying, my baby girl. I dropped my pen and had my coat halfway on before she finished her Shakey breath, "por favor, papá ... realmente te necesito en este momento(please, papa... I really need you right now.)"

I was out the door as a calmer voice came on the line, "sir, your daughter was attacked in a alley. Behind the James theater."

I hung up the phone and was rushing the elevator as I speed dial a cab. I was completely out of focus, I left my keys and wallet on my desk with all my notes sitting out and most the case evidence notes on the floor. I was trying to button up my coat and fix my scarf so it would fall off. **_I'm pretty sure I left my suit jacket on my chair along with my vest_** , the random thought went through my head as I hopped in the cab and was on my way. My heart was thumping as I was vibrating. I pleaded for him to go faster and when we hit a traffic jam probably due to the attack, I left him a couple twenties and hopped out running down the sidewalk and shoving through the crowd. I felt a hand press against my chest I tried to push under the tape.

"Sir, behind the line."

"My daughter called me saying she was attacked." I tried to push by and he stopped.

"I can't let..."

I got closer to his face then I ever remember being with any cop before, a small hiss in my throat as I spoke, "I am a Manhattan ADA and my daughter was just attacked. Do I have to go over your head to see her?"

The man stepped back and let me through as I called out unable to see her through the flashing lights and dozens of officers, "mi alma, dónde estás?(my soul, where are you?!)"

I stopped as a flash of lightning came running to me, my daughter in tears jumping into my arms. I squeezed her to my chest and kissed her hair as I closed my eyes. I was relieved to feel her breathing in my arms after that call.

"Mi Alma, are you ok?"

"Papa, it was Daniel... They hurt Daniel."

I slowly opened my eyes to see two familiar faces staring at me.  _ **Amaro and Rollins?**_ i pulled her tighter as she cried in my chest and they looked at each other before I heard him speak.

"Better call Liv and get Fin over here from the car." Amaro nodded as Amanda went to grab Fin, "Councilor, we need to talk."


	5. My daughter, Alma.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

**_oh shit... Why is SVU Here?_** I kept my tight grip, holding Alma tight to my chest as she cried against my cold coat. I looked at Amaro, taking a deep breath.

"Amaro, what happened?"

"We aren't sure. The other two victims are unconscious at Mercy." He stopped as fin and Amanda came back.

"Didn't know you had a kid councilor?" Fin stopped and I shook my head.

"Yeah that was kinda the idea." I nodded and looked down at her face burrowed in my chest and a small trail of blood leading over.

Amanda must've figured out the look I had because she quickly added, "she hasn't talked to anyone and refused medical attention."

I closed my eyes and kissed her forehead, her head lifting only a little so I could see her clouded green eyes filled with fear, "mi alma, estás herido? Veo sangre, los médicos pueden verificarlo?(my soul, are you hurt? I see blood, can the medics check it out?)..." She looked hesitant to move even a inch more away from me, "for me? I'll be with you the whole time."

She nodded softly and Amanda waved over the two medics as I got her to sit on a crate against the wall. They pushed up her jeans and found several deep cuts with glass in them, along with a swollen almost black ankle. I held her hand as she flinched, she started to shake and wrapped her arms around my leg and hid her face. 

One medic pulled back, "we need to get her to Mercy. The cuts are deep and the ankle looks like it could possibly be broken."

"Ok, I ride along." They both nodded and went to the ambulance as I picked her up and carried her over and gently laid her down on the gurney.

"Barba, we need to interview her still. She is our only witness at the moment." Amanda added as she walked with me over.

"Ok. Liv at the hospital?" I took Alma's hand and sat down as Amanda started to shut the doors.

"Yeah, I'll let her know."

One medic was starting to go over the wound and see what he could do to stabilize it. I was watching my hand turn white as my daughter cried and I couldn't fix it. I couldn't stop it and make it better. My mind was racing.  ** _What happened? Was there a rape? Was it a hate crime because Daniel is gay? How the hell did this happen? Can she handle trial? No, she has to. I can't pull her out of court when a crime has been committed. She has to put these people away.... But can she hold it together on the stand? Why am I worried about that? Because I am useless right now, I can't help her._** I watched her wince and sniffle, I tried to wipe her face but the tears came faster then I could. Snot covered her mouth and I found myself remembering the little three year old that fell in the kitchen. Covered in tears and her own snot as she balled her eyes out as Mami tried to help. It wouldn't work, the only person she ever wanted when she was hurt was he papa. 

They rushed her into the ER, rolling her along till the operating doors where a nurse stopped me. I wanted to push past but as her hand slipped from mine I stopped. She called out for me but I couldn't move, I knew I couldn't be back there. The nurse ran in behind them and a hand found my shoulder as I found my breath again.

"Rafael, you never told me you had a daughter." I turned towards that familiar voice, Liv stood there with a soft smile, "Saxon D'onofrio."

"Alma Saxon Barba... She just uses her middle and mother's last name in public." I sighed, "please tell me what happened?"

"Wish I knew. The girl, Xena Davids, was unconscious just like the boy..."

"Daniel Barnes." I finished, "Alma's best friend."

"They were twenty one and twenty two." She finished.

"They were her classmates I believe. I'm not sure about her but it's a fair bet." I rubbed my nose, "she goes to juilliard."

"We need to interview her yet but, you can be present." Liv motioned me to the sitting room, "let them do their work."

I sat down and she followed me over to sit, "you know you have to recuse yourself."

"I know, I'll worry about that after you interview her. She's my priority." I bit my lip, "how did this happen? How is my daughter and her classmates attacked in a alley? They go to a prestigious school. They were in a decent area.... Am I a bad parent for being glad she's ok?"

That last part just slipped out, but she answered, "no. According to the doctors, Daniel is in a room resting and Xena is almost out of surgery. Elliot and Carisi are waiting to take their statements right now."

It was a few minutes of quiet before a nurse lead us back to a room. Alma was in bed with her leg propped up. She immediately looked at me and sniffled as the doctor gave a quick recount of the injuries.

"Mr. Barba, your daughter suffered a few deep cuts to her calf and a little on her foot. The glass was removed and a few stitches in place, but her ankle is sprained and was dislocated. Probably from being pulled." She sighed, "we have that fixed and she'll have to keep her ankle and calf wrapped tight for the next week or so."

"A week or so?" Alma frowned.

"It should heal quickly. Just keep it wrapped, propped up, ice intermediate, and don't put a lot of force on it. We'll get you a set of crutches to help." The doctor smiled, "once we get the second x-ray checked since we relocated your ankle, you'll be free to go."

She started towards the door when Alma stopped her, "My friend Daniel and Xena.... Are they ok?"

"They are better then they were. I'll get you the room numbers so you can visit them when you are released."

The doctor left and Alma deflated a little. She looked at me and raised her hand, I walked over and took it softly before gently kissing her forehead. She smiled as I let go of her hand and pulled a chair over to sit on. Liv stepped up by the bed, a caring smile as Alma looked at her.

"Hi Saxon, my name is Olivia Benson....."

She interrupted, "You work with my dad. Lieutenant of SVU."

"Yeah, he doesn't really talk about you." She smiled at my daughter.

"Of course not, he wanted to give me a chance." Her green eyes looked down at her twirling thumbs, "you want to know what happened, don't you."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I slowly looked up as my dad took my hand again, "if you can. It would be helpful."

I shook my head and he leaned in to hug me. The woman didn't push, but who would? I was shaking and crying, I had seen something horrible. She wouldn't push or else my dad wouldn't let her. My dad will always protect me where he can, he wouldn't make me speak right now. She stepped out and my dad hugged me tight and shushed me softly, a few stray memories of that moment came back and tormented my mind. I seen my friends being raped, I seen the broken glass and almost felt the man pulling my leg... My eyes opened wide as I gasped.

"Breathe baby, breathe. Tu caja fuerte Te tengo Alma, papá te tiene(Your safe. I have you Alma, papa has you)." He hummed it softly.

I was sniffling and hid my face in his neck. He held me tight until the doctor walked in with the discharge papers and a nurse put an air cast on my foot and gave me crutches. Papa helped me up and the doctor gave him a small note with the room numbers. He kissed my head and pushed my hair out of my face.

"Do you want to visit them?"

I nodded but added my own question, "Tengo que decirle a esa señora lo que pasó, no?(I have to tell that lady what happened, don't I?)"

"Not today if you don't want. I can bring you in tomorrow or soon." He gave a small smile, "Your my first priority. I will be with you every step of the way if it keeps you calm and you can get through this."

I nodded and started out with my dad beside me. He looked at the paper and helped me down the hall to the room. I stood at the door looking at Xena still unconscious. I twisted the long sweatshirt they gave me around my finger, the slight rough drag drawing me back to reality as my mind wanted to imagine what would've happened if I didn't get my leg free. After a Shakey breath, dad moved me to the next room. I notice his small glance over at a burly man. His suit jacket over the counter and sleeves rolled up. My dad never said anything and moved on down to Daniels room, he was up and talking to someone. I stopped at the door and my dad knocked softly as the heads turned towards us.

"Sax? Are you ok?" Daniel sat up and waved me in, "please tell me your ok."

"Fine dann-o. Just a few cuts and a dislocated foot." I smiled faintly and crutched my way in as my dad stood at the door looking at the detective.

He looked like he was about to say something then my dad opened his mouth, "later Carisi."

Daniel looked confused, I sighed and smiled at him, "good as new, can't you tell?"

"Glad you were safe." He smiled before wincing, "wish I could say the same."

"Have you talked to a doctor yet?"

"Not really, she told me to rest." He frowned, "Mr. Barba, I'm sorry I couldn't keep sax safer."

My dad shook his head, "no, you did good. Thank you, Hope you feel better."

He nodded and my dad stepped out, I squeezed Daniels hand before leaving behind him. As I stepped out, my dad sighed and shook his head.

"You didn't have to leave yet."

"I was just interrupting him. Besides I kinda want to go home and lounge around watching TV." I smiled and poked his shoes with my crutch, "bright side, I can still play crutchy on Newsies."

He chuckled and shook his head, "let's go home. I could do with some junk food and movies."

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

The next day, I went to SVU during work like I usually do. Yet this time felt different. I knew the some of the victims, my daughter was injured. I had to explain my daughter to the squad, then I had to tell them I was still prosecuting the case. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I stepped off the elevator and into the small hallway, turning into the bull pin. I seen a few heads turned my way and Liv walked over to me as I sat my briefcase down.

"Barba, what are you doing here?"

"Working a case, the DA said I should stay on this case."  I sighed, "I also need to come clean. So we can move on."

"Ok, my office." She waved everyone in.

She sat at her desk with Elliot beside her and Fin to her right. Amanda and Carisi we're on the couch and Nick was leaning against the window. I took a deep breath and looked down at my hands as I started.

"Saxon D'onofrio is my daughter, Her full name is Alma Saxon Barba. Her mom died during birth."

I paused as Amanda gave a sincere "Sorry to hear that."

"We weren't together. She was a witness on a homicide case, after testifying she got clean and lost contact with all her friends. So I helped her out, talked with her to help her keep clean. We slipped up after a bad case and Alma was conceived. Nine months later she died giving birth but told me the name she wanted to give her." I looked up, "I never really talked about her so she would be safe. She uses her middle name because she hates her first name and prefers her mom's name to keep us separated in public."

"Why was she with twenty something kids?" Stabler asked.

I felt that jab he was trying to make with that, "they're her classmates. She goes to juilliard."

"Juilliard? I thought she was sixteen." Carisi spoke up.

"She graduated just shy of fifteen. Honor student with a full ride scholarship."

 "Do you know the other kids?" Fin watched me sigh.

"Daniel. He's my daughter's best friend. He has a key to my brownstone." 

"And your comfortable with your sixteen years old daughter hanging out with him?" Stabler had that accusing tone and Liv even looked at him for that as I replied.

"Yes. He's openly gay. His parents threw him out on the street when he came out as a young teen and he's been on his own since. He was nice and took care of her since her first day." I glared, "I even offered him a place in my home. He refused but comes over often for dinner and always drives Alma home when she has late classes."

"Ok. What do we have so far?" Liv changed the topic to spare me.

"Seems like Saxon and Daniel was leaving a theater practice and they were force to stop in the alley. We don't know how the girl got there or what exactly happened since they were both out cold and remember nothing. Our only witness isn't cooperating at this moment." Amaro was staring at me, with most the room.

Thankfully Liv wasn't about to let this go much further, and Carisi was actually helping me for once.

"It not her fault. Trauma can take time to work through."

"Ok. Go to the school and interview all the students at the theater that night. Check in on Xena again and see if she remembers anything now that she is stable. Canvas the street again and see what you can find." Liv looked around the room, "we need to know what happened and how those three got there."

Everyone left except Liv and me, stabler was waiting for her outside the office. I figured they would talk to the girl and she wanted to reassure me. I bit my lip and looked at her as the door shut.

"How's she doing?"

"Good at the moment. She didn't go to class today, and I doubt she will the rest of the week."

"I know this is hard..."

"Look Liv, thank you for trying but right now, right now I just want to work unless she calls. She is more mature than any sixteen years old I know.... She'll talk soon." I stood up, "just let her wrap her head around it before she starts telling the story."

I left and went back to the office.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I sat on the couch, ankle propped up and the tv playing a marathon of some cooking show. I was just using it for background noise as I thought about what happened. All I need was to make sure everything was straight so I could tell the police. Because even if my dad says it's ok to wait till I was ready, I knew he was saying that only because it was me.  _ **You left the party because you got in a fight. Dad doesn't need to know that part.... But he will find out anyways. If I call the lieutenant and ask her here I would be guaranteed privacy, and less gossip. I don't want dad hearing and getting mad or insulted I disclosed without him. But I don't need a lawyer helping me along.**_ I picked up the piece of paper, the number I stole from Papa's phone when he was sleeping.  _ **Here goes nothing.**_

I dialed and held my breath, a moment later the phone picked up, "hello?"

"Lieutenant Benson?"

"Yes."

"It's Saxon, Rafael's daughter." I swallowed the lump in my throat, "I want to tell you what happened."

"Ok, why don't you come to the precinct and I'll let your dad kn..."

"No." I quickly interrupted, "why don't you come to my house instead without my dad."

"Are you sure?"

I smiled,  _ **She's sweet and considerate... Wish dad would've asked her out when he was thinking about it. But then again that was right when Catalina died, he probably wasn't thinking straight.**_ "yes. I love my papa but I don't need a lawyer here and he would just get emotional. Let that wait till trial prep."

"Ok, I'll be right over."

I hung up and closed my eyes,  _ **it's just starting...don't breakdown now.**_ I wiped a tear and looked at the photo of me and Daniel on my phone,  _ **Do it for Daniel.**_


	6. Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alma tells Liv and stabler everything.  
> Rafael tries to cope with the idea of his daughter in the courtroom.  
> Alma talks to Daniel.  
> Raf walks in on Alma trying to get past this.

* * *

_**Alma** _

* * *

I sat in the living room, bitting the inside of my cheek to force myself to focus. I would have Benson here at any moment, I needed to explain everything and then tell my dad I did. Because having my dad here would only make it worse. A soft knock and the ring of the buzzer drew my attention from the movie I was watching, a recording of taboo from Broadway. I walked to the door, my crutches carrying me along. I paused a second but opened the door a crack before opening it all the way at the sight of Benson. The man behind her threw me off but she quickly calmed my nerves the best she could.

"Hi Saxon, this is detective Stabler. He's one of my detectives." Benson smiled softly as I opened the door wide and motioned them in.

"Nice to meet you," I stretched my hand out to shake his, "Saxon D'onofrio... Legally Barba."

"Elliot Stabler." He smiled.

"Can we sit down?" Benson smiled softly and I lead them back to the living room. 

I motioned to the couch and slipped down to put the ice back on my ankle. The chair was open as well in the corner by the book shelves of photos and nick-nacks. Benson sat on the couch a little distance from me and my leg. Stabler walked over to the shelves and was looking at the everything as I looked back to Benson.

"What are you watching?" She asked to keep me soothed.

"Oh, sorry about that." I clicked it off and switched it to tv and turned it down, it was stopped right as Phillip was starting petrified, "it was my favorite musical. Never really see anyone remake it or put it back into production."

"It doesn't look familiar."

"Taboo, based loosely around Boy George's life... Staring him and amazing music." I smiled faintly, "my dad took me to see it for my birthday, then every Saturday after for two months basically."

"That's nice." She smiled and looked over at Stabler by following my stare, "sorry, it's a habit for us to look over the houses as we talk to victims."

"I know, Lo sé(I know)." I sighed and looked over, "let's start."

"We know you were at a party and left with Mr. Barnes. Start from right after." She instructed.

"We got in the car and he turned on the radio to make me feel better..."

"Make you feel better? Did something happen?" He asked from across the room.

"I got in a fight. This guy was teasing me and pushed me a little to far. I hit him and Daniel pulled me off him and told me we were leaving." I rubbed my neck, "please don't tell my dad."

"It's fine." She interrupted, "just keep going if you could."

"He started down the alley as I was watching out the window. We were almost to the street when two men were in our way. He was about to pull back and go the wrong way when we could make out two guys holding down a girl and raping her." I paused and blinked back a tear, "we recognized her, Xena. He was trying to stop them."

I could feel my pulse raise and my throat was drying out quickly. I was starting to freak out but needed to hold it in.  _ **You panic now and they will definitely tell your dad. . . Breath. Just breath.**_

* * *

_**Stabler** _

* * *

I looked over the shelves fill of photos and everything else. A photo of Barba holding a baby in a pink blanket was front and center attached to a photo of him and this teenage girl taking a selfie outside a Broadway theater. Half a dozen more covered that shelf along with a few seashells in a small dish and a few ribbons. 1st place ribbons for dance and theater. The more I looked at these the less I understood Barba, a feeling I didn't like. I didn't care to much for the guy but he was damn good at his job, now I wanted to know why we felt like he had to hide a daughter from everyone.

I heard her small catch, turning slowly to look at her as Liv jumped in, "take it slow... So you want yo..."

"No. I don't want my dad here for this part. Not yet." She straightened up, "me and Daniel both got out and one of the guys started towards me and Daniel told me to get back in the car. I locked the doors and climbed into the back seat to have better protection as I called the police. I didn't see the initial hit but I looked over to see Daniel on the ground as the guy banged his head on the ground... Daniel stated bleeding from the head and I went into a panic. They broke the glass and was trying to pull me out, I kicked and they would step back before trying again till the police showed up a minute later."

She shifted but looked Liv in the eye, moving to me as she spoke, "four guys. The one holding Xena down then raping her was about six foot, brown hair and dark skin possibly Hispanic. The one that was raping her before trying to pull me from the car was white, mid-height maybe five-ten? Blonde hair with a tattoo on his right forearm. A star with words under it. The guy that got Daniel and shoved a gun in-in-in him... He looked about the same only no tattoo but a cut down his face. Forehead to bottom of the eye or top of the cheek. The last one, the one that almost pulled me out was fat. Short maybe five four and a couple hundred pounds. Black hair, dark skin... Maybe black? It was dark skin but a light shade, his eyes were brown and he had a tattoo on his neck. It was covering a scar and was poorly done... Prison tat possibly."

I watched her close her eyes and focus, she was dead set on giving every detail she could. So I turned back to the shelves and focused on one photo, saxon holding her dad's hand as she spun in a little white dress. It made me think of when my girls were little. 

"Your doing great." Liv encouraged her.

"Do you remember what they were wearing?" I asked.

"Hoodies and jeans, no distinguishing features on them... But the fat guy had a hat with a green rim. The one on Daniel had on sneakers....Cómo se llaman esos zapatos estúpidos?(what are those stupid shoes called.)...sharkwear sneakers, green and black with a white shape on the side I couldn't make out. Never seen a pair like that before." She ran a hand through her hair and took deep breaths.

"I think we have enough." Liv nodded and she shook her head.

"One more thing, the second guy going after me... The mid-height with the star tattoo, he was filming it. When they took off running someone said this wasn't finished." She closed her eyes, "your not in yet."

I looked at Liv and she looked back. We both had a clue now, we needed to look into BX9. As Liv was trying to finish up the interview, I finished looking. My eyes falling on a photo of sax in a graduation gown, she looked so young and the way she was holding her diploma and posing with her dad. I was understanding hiding a kid. ** _I wish I could've hid my kids from my work, they didn't deserve what they had to go through because of me. Maybe Kathy would've been better off._** I looked back over quickly when she spoke again.

"Cómo son?(How are they?) Daniel and Xena."

"Daniel was released from the hospital, Xena is awake and trying to adjust still." Liv took her hand, "Have you tried to talk to them?"

"Only for a minute when I was released. A detective was with Daniel so I didn't stay long." She wiped her face, "I know you can't make promises but, please tell me you'll get these guys."

"I promise I'll try." Liv smiled and squeezed her hand, "one last question, ok?"

She nodded so Liv spoke, "Have you gotten any threats? Calls, notes... Anything."

"No. Nothing." She sniffled, "I would've told my dad."

"Ok, thank you Saxon. Thank you for talking to us." Liv stood up slowly and we walked out. 

We heard the door lock behind us, a soft click as the crutches went back to the living room. I looked at Liv and stopped with the door open.

"Hey Liv, Barba never told you about her at all?"

She shook her head as she got in, "no. I would remember a 'i have a kid' coming from him."

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I sat in my office, tapping my pen on my desk as i looked over what they had from the crime scene. I never looked around, too focused on Alma to even glance. The blood on the ground, shattered car windows, the blood on the car... The ripped clothes. I had to shut the file and take a breath.  _ **Alma is fine. She is safe. She is good.**_ I let out the breath and looked over at my phone where Liv sent me an audio file. I knew this wouldn't be easy but I had too, I couldn't recuse myself. I tapped play and sipped my coffee, trying to calm my nerves.

> "9-1-1 what is your emergency?"
> 
> "I'm being attacked. Two people are unconscious in the alley and four guys are trying to get me. I'm locked in a car." 

Soft crying was crackling the line as I hear broken glass. The faint scuffle of sliding on leather seats and her breath growing erratic as i heard a scuffle and her screams. 

> "no! Get off me!"
> 
> "Come here little girl."

It was faint, but I could hear it. Around her screams and crying that turned my stomach, there was a voice that definitely wasn't my daughter or the operator.

> "Ma'am, are you ok? Are you in a safe place?"

There was more broken glass and a laugh as the crying continued. My heart skipped a beat and I felt lifeless in that moment. Her  crying, breaking my soul.

> "We have police on the way. Stay on the line..... Talk to me, tell me your ok."

More crying and screams as you heard panting and soft voices you couldn't make out. Then the siren and nothing else but her crying. I turned it off and had to catch my breath, eyes watering.  _ **This happend? How? Why would this happen to my Alma? She doesn't deserve any of this. She was frightened and shaking in that seat, fighting for her life and I didn't even know. What kinda father and I?**_ I looked at my phone and quickly brought up her contact, the photo of her and me cuddled on the couch. I remember that night well. Her sixteenth birthday and she just wanted to watch musicals with me all day, eat cake and Chinese food. I closed my eyes and sighed, it felt like yesterday.

_She had on her favorite dress, the white and black polk-a-dot dress. Her hair pulled back as she tugged my hand and made me sit down on the couch. My old Harvard hoodie and a pair of sweats, falling back on he couch as she curled up against me and pulled over a bowl of popcorn. I can still taste the peanut butter and chocolate drizzle, the homemade punch, and the taste of that red velvet cake she bought for me to give to her. A whole day of just us, my phone turned off and not turned back on till almost midnight with a dozen missed calls. Every second was perfect, especially her singing and dancing with me as we went one after another. She took this photo and sent it to me the next day at work, the tag line 'My Sweet Sixteen'._

I sat there, trying to figure out how his could happen. Nothing she ever did could've deserved this. **_But isn't that how it always is? The victim undeserving. The careless perp that attacks the victim. But why her? Why mi Alma?_** I looked at the photo, the number underneath and sighed. I pressed dial and closed my eyes, I just needed to hear her voice.

"Hey this is Saxon, sorry I misses you. Leave your name and number or try me on text."

The beep came and I smiled, "hey Alma, It's dad. Just wanted to check on you. It's been a couple days since the... That...and I, I just wanted to see if your doing ok. I know I've been busy lately but, maybe I can get home early tonight and we could watch some movies. Snacks included." I sighed, "just call me back or text, please. Te amo."

I hung up and looked down at the file,  _ **How is she going to make it through court? To have to see those men. To tell everyone what happened.... How can I let her go in there? I can't let my daughter go into that court room and be crossed. The questions they would ask? I can't. I can't let her go.... But she has to. She was the only  conscious one, she's my best witness. Shit..... I have to please this out somehow. I can't let her do this.**_ I sat my phone on the desk and opened the file,  _ **No surprises. No holding back. For Alma.**_ I dove back into the file and started my notes, the quicker I get done the quicker I get home to her.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I sat on the couch, the tv still off as I look at my phone.  _ **Call him.**_ I bit my lip and pressed dial, putting it on speaker and listening to the ring. _**One, two, three, Fo...**_

"Hello?"

"Hey dann-o. How you doin?" I hold my breath.

"Better. How are you doing girl?"

I let out the breath,  _ **At least he's not mad at me.**_ "Better. My ankle isn't as swollen."

"That's good." I could hear the smile in his voice, "the musical will tank without our jack."

"I doubt that's happening. Last I heard the musical was on hold."

"Gives you time to get better and rock their world." He chuckled with me, "so your dad, how is he doing?"

"Struggling. He is trying to work the case because the DA refused to let him drop it." I felt the soft buzz and look at my phone to see his missed call, "he's a little paranoid about something happening to me now."

"I would be too. Infact I am... I'm paranoid they will retaliate." It went silent and then his voice came back slightly strained, "I don't remember anything after getting out of the car. I can't remember what they look like. I can't do anything for this case. I'm useless."

"Your not useless Daniel."

"This time I am."

"Dan..."

"Have you checked your Facebook or gotten any texts yet?" 

I frowned, "what?"

"You haven't looked yet. I'm surprised your phone isn't broken from all the notifications... I had to turn mine off." He went silent, a good long minute, "I would take a look."

"Ok." I whispered, "so..."

"I need to go. I have to take my meds and they knock me out sax. I'll try to call tomorrow ok?"

"Bye Danny boy."

"Bye sax."

When I heard the familiar click, I picked up the phone and looked at Facebook.  _ **Dad can wait a minute, he's probably just checking in saying he'll be late.**_ I hit the app and stared at the number if notifications. My heart dropping, as I looked on my wall. I felt sick, angry, and wanted to throw my phone across the room. It was all wrong. I closed my eyes and left my phone on the coffee table as I limped down stairs leaving the crutches on the floor leading that way.  _ **I can't take this.**_ I limped down the steps and wanted to forget everything, dead set on fixing myself.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

It was almost six when I got home, her favorite Italian dish in hand from the place by the courthouse. I tried to call, have her open the door but no answer. Pushing back the bad thoughts, I managed to unlock the door and open it enough to push through.

"Mi Alma!"

No reply, I sit the food down on the small stand in the hall and locked the door. I went to the living room and found nothing, that's when I kicked a crutch trying to walk back to the steps. I thought she would be upstairs but I heard music and it was coming from below. I frowned but went down, stopping at the doorway just past our small laundry room. The door to her practice room was open, I could see her reflection in the mirror wall, she was trying to dance. 

> _Well I hardly feel alive_  
>  _I'm going through the motions_  
>  _But I don't feel like trying_

She was trying to put weight on her ankle, but the way she shook on her spin was a clear sign she wasn't ready. Yet I couldn't find my strength to move my feet.

> _The hole in my heart is growing bigger by the day_

I watched her tumble on the second turn and catch herself with her hand and kept her legs from slamming against the floor. She slowly pushed back up and tried to stand and pushed off to do another turn.

> _I wish that I could crawl inside_  
>  _Hide away_

She crashed to the floor, her hands scrapping hard against the wood floor. Her face came down between her arms as he heard her faint sobs over the music. 

> _And I, I don't wanna do anything but cry_  
>  _Oh, and I, I don't wanna do anything but cry_

I rushed over and pulled her up to my chest as she cried into my shirt. I held her for a long moment before she sniffled. 

"Mi Alma, are you ok?"

"No." She whispered, "no papa."

"What's wrong?" I brushed her hair back and she shook her head, "darling, you can't be on your ankle yet. Give it a week, remember?"

I reached to check her ankle she left partially wrapped, but she pulled it away, "no papa, its not that. It's everything!" 

"I don't understand..." I tried to talk and she scooted back from me.

"Everything. Fucking everything." I wanted to say something about the language but I couldn't find the words as she continued, "Xena was raped, Daniel sodomized with a gun, I'm useless, and everyone pretends it's normal.Actúan como si nos conocieran, como la mayoría de ellos incluso nos han dicho una palabra a mí o a Daniel(They act like they know us, like most of them have even said a word to me or Daniel.) Half of them treated us like crap, they belittled us."

I reached out slowly and moved to her every so carefully. She didn't pull back as her tears burst out, I was able to pull her in and hold her to my chest again. She kept struggling to breath, coughing as she was trying to breath in. Her Ruby lips kept repeating around the sobs.

"It's not fair, it's not right." Her lips trembled, why dad? Why?"

I squeezed her tight and tried to calm her tears, "I don't know."

She kept crying as I was trying to understand, small pieces sticking out. _ **They act like they know us?  Never even said a word to us? Treated us like crap? What haven't you been telling me Alma, you said school was fine.**_ I rocked her softly, kissing her head as she curled up against me. I wanted to save her, I would do anything to make her the girl I know so well. Or at least I thought I knew so well.

"It's ok Alma, I got you. Papa has you...." I sighed against her hair, "everything will be ok."

I hummed the song that was playing, the one I remembered she use to love dancing to. The first time I heard it, she was on stage at a dance recital performing to it. She danced beautifully and said it was one of her favorite dances yet. If I would've asked her before this attack, she probably would've answered it the same. I could still see her in that dress running around this dance room I had put in just for her. She ways said she would be on Broadway and I was damn sure she would be too. Especially after seeing that.

> _Well I guess it's been a while  
>  Since I've seen the sunshine  
>  Since I have smiled_

I kissed her head once more, whispering in her ear, "it's ok...Prometo que estará bien(I promise it'll be ok.)"

> _And me, who's so well versed_  
>  Is feeling so damn empty  
>  Is at a loss for words  
>  Forgot what it's like  
>  To just feel okay  
>  I'm praying for the day  
>  When there is no more rain

"Está bien llorar(It's ok to cry.)" She sniffled in my arms as I whispered, "está bien.(it's ok.)"

> _And I, I don't wanna do anything but cry  
>  Oh, and I, I don't wanna do anything but cry_


	7. Risks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raf gets some disturbing news.  
> Liv tries to figure out the best thing to do.  
> Saxon tells her dad everything and looks for guidance.

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

After several minutes, Alma cried herself out. As she was out cold, sleeping it off as I carried her up to bed. I tucked her in, then got her crutches to sit beside her bed. As I watched her sleep, I finally had the time to think about everything she said.  _ **Has she been lying about school? She always said it was fine and she had plenty of friends, now she is telling me no one even talks to her? Is she trying to be brave and push all that down to make me proud? Is she being bullied? Why wouldn't she tell me?**_ I shut the door softly and stood there a moment before heading to my room. Everything felt off in that moment, like the world has came crashing down on my shoulders and I was forced to play Atlas. Sleep wouldn't come easy, didn't mean I shouldn't try.

In the morning, I slowly got up and walked down the hall to see her door still cracked. I peaked in and she was still laying down. I couldn't tell if she was awake or asleep, so I moved downstairs to the kitchen to make breakfast. French toast, plenty of syrup, and a small cup of coffee. Only a few minutes later she came down and sat across from me.

"Morning Papa."

"Did you sleep well?" I looked up to see her nod.

"Yeah, I don't remember much more then trying to dance downstairs though."

"You broke down crying and snapped at me about the other students being fake... Then you passed out from crying to much." I took a sip, "I carried you to your bed."

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"It's my job... Are you ok?"

"Shakey. Still working through everything." 

I pushed the plate across to her as she gave a small smile, "wasn't really hungry."

"Thanks papa." She smiled as I got up and walked upstairs to get ready for work.

"Te amo mi Alma."

* * *

 That morning went quick, rushing to work only to be called to SVU first thing. I walk in and Liv caught me before I got to far in. She motioned me to her office as the detectives were at work.

 "Rafa, how's Saxon?" She sat on one end of the couch as I took the other.

"I don't know. She had a complete breakdown last night."

"You know me and Elliot talked to her yesterday?"

"No, but I figured you would soon enough. She wouldn't want to wait long before going over what happened... With anyone but me." I looked down, "did you find something or is this a social call?"

"We found something," she frowned, "fin talked to some friends in the gang unit, this sounds like an initiation that a certain gang does. It looks like your daughter and her friend came in at the wrong time."

"What gang?" I asked as I looked at her.

 "They think BX9 but some of the crimes were also in Del Toro's area. The gang unit hasn't gotten anyone undercover in either gang to be able to say for sure."

"So my daughter was attacked by the gang that was stalking and threatening me and it has no correlation at all?" I stood up and started to pace, "they got scared off, wouldn't they try again? With three witnesses wouldn't they go after them? Gangs don't leave witnesses willing to talk."

"Whoa, stop. Calm down." Liv caught my arm and made me focus, "you are thinking like a dad, not a prosecutor."

"Alma comes first."

"And you butchering this case and the gang members going free is going to help protect her?"

"Her taking the stand and becoming a direct target won't help either." I defended, "what if this was Noah and not Saxon."

"Don't start that, Rafael it is your daughter. Not my son." She sighed, "if it was Noah, you'd be doing the same thing here. You would be making sure I'm ready and willing to let him on that stand."

"I need to think about her. She is my priority." I looked Liv in the eyes, "everything I do is for her. I rarely date because she hated it when she was younger and I feel guilty trying to now. I have missed so many of her things and had to watch it from a video recording. I am still with this job because she thinks of  me like Superman with it. She makes me tell her about the cases and she'll even read my court notes and give suggestions.... I can't make her do this. I can't tell her she has to go on the stand."

"But you can't hold her back from doing it either."

"I don't know. I don't know what to do Liv." I shook my head, "why did it have to be her?"

She patted my shoulder, letting the silence sit. She promised to send the new information over and let me go without another word. I left for my office and held all calls. Court was pushed back so I could sit in peace, or my own silent hell depending on where my mind went.

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

As the day came to a end, I went home to my apartment. Unlocking the door, I could smell the stove and seen Noah and Eli playing in the living room as Elliot pulled a pizza from the oven. After a few months, this arrangement was starting to work out better.

"Hey Liv, just in time."

"Pizza, yum." I smiled as I hugged noah, "is my sweet boy hungry?"

He nodded and I let them get a slice first, Elliot giving me a plate and I sat down on the couch as the boys went back to Noah's room to eat. Elliot sat down beside me, taking a bite before breaking the silence.

"What is it?"

"Huh?"

"Your thinking, what about?"

"When you'll find a place and move out." I smirked as he shook his head.

"I told you, I'm looking. I don't want to move to far from Kathy and the kids. I barely get time with Eli and I don't want the commute to become the new reason." He sat back, "what happened to 'stay here as long as you need'."

"You've been here four months, I was thinking a week or two." I watched his eye roll and scuff.

"Ok, fine. I'll look harder." He took another bite and swallowed, "how's Barba?"

"How do you think? Try imagining if it was Maureen, Kathleen, or Elizabeth in the car."

"I know, is he letting her testify?"

"He's not holding her back but not pushing it either." I sat my plate down, "I don't know how I can help him. He's just as lost as Saxon."

"He's a damn good ADA. I'm not saying he's better then Casey or Alex but he can hold his own." Elliot sat his plate down beside mine, "I'm gonna check on the boys."

He got up and stopped at the small hallway, "by the way, Your good mom."

"Im not..."

"I think I can tell when you doubt yourself." He went back to Noah's room and left me to sit on the couch.

I sat there a moment, looking at my phone.  _ **Should I call him? Maybe if we talk a little more he could be more level headed. Maybe a drink? No. No just talk to him tomorrow.**_ I sat the phone down and went to get me a glass of wine. The sound of Elliot playing with the boys carried from the back room, the laughter making me smile. I stopped, shutting the cupboard and skipping the wine as I went back to join in he fun.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I sat on my bed, looking out the window as I plucked my guitar. I was trying to calm my nerves, after deciding I need to talk to my dad. My hands shook and I couldn't focus, so I moved to something that makes me focus. I can't dance, I have no reason to try to act and read my lines when I have little chance of making it back on that stage for the musical. So I fell back on music, make my hands steady so I can play and force my shakey thoughts to steady on the lyrics. Just hoping papa gets home before my nerves win out.

 _"Seen my share of broken halos_  
_Folded wings that used to fly_  
_They've all gone wherever they go_  
_Broken halos that used to shine."_

I took a deep breath, eyes watering as I kept going. Pushing the flash backs out of my head. Forgetting the way Daniel and Xena looked on the ground. Forgetting the men trying to hurt me as I hid in the car begging for my life on my head.... Begging for my dad.

 _"Angels come down from the heavens_  
_Just to help us on our way_  
_Come to teach us, then they leave us_  
_And they find some other soul to save_  
_Seen my share of broken halos_  
_Folded wings that used to fly_  
_They've all gone wherever they go_  
_Broken halos that used to shine_  
_Broken halos that used to shine."_

I never looked up from my hands, hoping the focus could help. I missed the footsteps at the door. His cologne I bought him for Christmas, his shiny shoes in my peripheral, or the familiar sound of him humming softly to my singing.

 _"Don't go looking for the reasons_  
_Don't go asking Jesus why_  
_We're not meant to know the answers_  
_They belong to the by and by_  
_They belong to the by and by"_

 _"Seen my share of broken halos. Folded wings that used to fly"_ His voice carried in harmony with mine as I looked up and stopped playing, " _They've all gone wherever they go. Broken_ _halos that used to shine."_

"You sound like a Angel." He smiled as he whispered it.

"I think I broke my Halo." I looked down, "I didn't help my friends."

"But you did, you called for help." He slowly walked over as I shook my head with tears springing out, "you did the right thing."

He wrapped his arms around me, my face nuzzled into his stomach as I whimpered. He patted my back and ran his fingers through my hair softly, shushing me and trying to bring me back. But I was deep, deep in self hatred and pity right now. My nerves were winning as my throat went dry and I couldn't speak if I wanted to. He held me tight, his shirt absorbing my tears.

"Mi Alma, Hiciste todo bien. Te mantuviste a salvo y los rescataste.(you did everything right. You kept yourself safe and rescued them.)" He hummed softly, "you did everything right."

"No." It slipped from my lips and I pulled back, "I didn't. I watched one of my best friends being sodomized with a gun and a girl that was actually nice to me was raped and beaten bloody... I hid in a car crying and begging for my life."

"It kept you safe, it saved th..." He bent down to be at my eye level as I cut him off.

"How did it save them?!"

He reached out to calm me but I pulled back, he swallowed the lump in his throat, "You got the cops their. They probably would've killed them and hurt you. You got help, you made them run away, you seen it all and can go on the stand and burry the bastards."

"I'm a Coward. I really am a freak." She whispered, "I failed them. I didn't help them."

"You did. You saved them Alma."

I shook my head, "no, I ran. I hid. I'm a Coward."

"You're not a Coward. You're not a freak. You are an amazing young woman." He tried to soften me, to sooth me.

"You don't understand." I whispered and bit my lip, "no one likes me. I'm a freak. The kid that lucked out and graduated early, full scholarship, teachers pet. Everyone treats me like a-a-a stupid kid. They belittle me and bully me. They went after Daniel because he was my friend."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He rested his hand on my shoulder, "mi Alma, siempre puedes hablar conmigo(you can always talk to me.)"

"Siempre estás trabajando. Incluso cuando estás en casa, tu cabeza está en el trabajo(You're always working. Even when you're home your head is at work.)" I sighed, "the little time I get with you I don't want to ruin with my ridiculous issues. You treat me like a adult so I should act like one."

"You're not a adult yet, you still have plenty of time to grow up." He pulled me in as I sniffled, successfully moving my guitar to the side and pulling me into his lap on the floor, "You're sixteen. You shouldn't miss your teenage years just because I treat you like a adult. I never got to see you rebel or sneak out your window. I didn't expect you to completely grow up just because I gave you freedom in the house."

I snuggled against him, struggling to stop my tears that soaked my face still. He would wipe my cheek ever so often as he kept talking.

"And being an adult isn't hiding your problems. I'm sorry if I let you believe that." He sighed and kissed my hair softly on the top of my head, a softly whisper, "please talk to me... I miss talking to you."

I opened my mouth and forced out a little air, resting my head to his shoulder. Looking up just enough he could see me still crying, I stared at those green eyes that always loved and cared for me.  _ **Everything I do is for you mi Alma, you are my world.**_ Hearing his words echo in my head brought me to finally find the words.

"Since my first day, all the kids picked on me. Names, pushing, jokes... I tried to push them down and usually people gave up. But this one guy, Micheal, he is relentless and went after Daniel for being my friend. At the party he was messing with me again. He told me to loosen up and have a drink, said he should roofie it so I would stop being such a goodie two-shoes. Then to piss me off he spit in my water and gave it back to me." I looked down, I didn't want to see his face when I explain the rest, "I asked him what his fucking problem was and he made a joke about telling my mom I cursed and I snapped. Threw the water at him and jumped on him. Daniel pulled me off after several punches and made me leave the party. That's why we left early."

"Ok, there's my teenager." He smiled softly, "don't worry about any punishment for fighting, I think you've been through enough."

I smiled and went on, "we we're driving down the alley, two guys blocked our way. We seen what looked like two guys holding someone down. So we got out and seen Xena, Daniel told me to stay in the car and he went to confront them seeing as we figured out what was happening. The guy made a comment about me and started towards me, so I got in the car and went to the back to call the police. I look up and one was raping Xena and another was sodomizing Daniel..... I don't remember anything else but screaming and breaking glass."

"I'm sorry Alma, I'm sorry this happened to you." He squeezed me as I sniffled and looked back up, "no te mereces esto(you don't deserve this)."

"I told Olivia and Elliot." I watched him nod.

"They told me. They also played the 9-1-1 call...." He stopped to catch his breath, a catch in his throat finally breaking through, "you are so brave, you know that? Grown women struggle to do what you did. You even gave a detailed description of the men that did this.... You are brave, braver then your old man."

"You deal with this all the time though."

"But I couldn't do what you did. You are as brave as your mother, you know that. You done what your mom would've done." He brushed my hair out of my face as he choked up, "te amo Alma. Por siempre y para siempre(Forever and always)"

"Forever and always papa." I hugged him tight as we sat in silence on my floor, me in his lap.

This dragged out for a while, a good twenty minutes of nothing. Just hugging and sniffling like we were little babies, mainly me as he held in his tears. That when I knew I had to do it, if I didn't now... I wouldn't know when.

"Papa...que debería hacer?(what should I do?)"

He looked at me and sighed, "I can't tell you what to do."

"But...but i-i-i... I need my dad. I need guidance. What do I do?"

He gave a blank look, he was just as lost as me. Then he shallowed and spoke softly.

"Alma... You have to testify. You have to be brave like your mom... Tienes que arriesgarte. (You have to risk it.)"


	8. Save me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saxon gets a threat.  
> Rafael confides in Liv.  
> Fin saves the day.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I started off the day like I have for the past week since the accident, I go to step out of my bed and immediately fall to the floor. I pulled myself back up and grab the crutches before moving downstairs. I eat breakfast with dad and wish him a good day, then it varies. Since I'm out of school at the moment because the crutches interfere with mine and others work, I spend the day in many ways. Watching TV, cooking from a stool, playing music, singing, reading, and sitting in the window looking out at our street. I had to stop that when dad told me about the Curtis's across the way. Their son was afraid our brownstone was haunted cause he kept seeing a figure, me, in the windows. So I started waving and dad asked me to not scare the neighbor.

Today, I sat on the couch with my foot propped up. A tray of cookies and glass of milk in front of me, I read some older books... My dad always did love the classics. He read me the wizard of oz, wicked, the Hobbit, Alice in wonderland... Anything that was an adventure. For my fifth birthday he bought me a Sherlock Holmes complete book set, he spent every night reading to me. So as I sat with one in my hands, my mind wandered to when he would read it to me. He would lay beside me, changing his voice for each character, and reading a chapter or two and stopping at the best parts to build suspense. I tried to read like him, but it wasn't the same. I gave up and was turning in on Netflix to watch Sherlock when my chaos came knocking... Or well breaking.

It was quick, only seconds, but it sent a chill up my spine. A sharp crack and broken glass, my mind making me fall to the floor in tears shaking. The glass shattering brought back the car yet again, I was no longer in my safe home but in that damn car as the gang members tried to break in. My eyes watering, voice screeching as I scream at the top of my lungs for help. My body curled up and shaking. It happened to fast, the feet running in and the man reaching out and trying to coax me from my ball. It wasn't till I heard him talking and saying my dad's name that I finally spoke.

"Yeah, Barba needs to get down here n...."

"Dad..." I whispered as it went silent again, "I want my dad."

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

 I sat in my office alone, trying to work on a case with nothing in my possession to do so. I frowned and gave up, sitting back in my chair till my door opened and a familiar voice got my attention.

"Rafa, care for a drink?"

I looked up to see liv, she held a small bottle of Scotch and got two glasses. I slowly got up and took one as we both sat down on the couch. I glanced her over, she was wearing my favorite top. It hung loose down her front, mid sleeve that hid well under her jackets. A beautiful blue, it almost softened her and made her look more motherly.

"How are you doing? It's been a few days since I really got to see you." She adjusted till she was comfortable on the couch and able to see me.

I leaned forward slightly, arms resting on my legs, "about the same. Sax is struggling still and I can't help her."

"Your a good father Rafael."

"You didn't even know I was a father till a week ago." I looked at her as she chuckled.

"You're a good man, a good ADA... You're daughter loves you. You're a good father." She reasoned.

"I'm not so sure." I closed my eyes, "I don't feel like one after seeing my daughter cry and mope the last several days." 

She put her hand on my shoulder and patted it softly, "don't count yourself short."

"How can I not? My daughter was attacked and almost raped. I failed to keep her safe, the only promise I made her mother that came from me. _I would keep her safe_." I emphasized the last sentence.

"She is safe. She is home with fin watching her from a unmarked car. Nothing is going to happen to her." 

I looked over to the woman and only person I call my best friend besides my daughter. It's hard to believe that I missed my chance Everytime with her. The way she actually talked to me about William Lewis, but Cassidy was kinda in the way then. No surprise that fell apart, I couldn't stand him. Then i was working up to it, I even told alma... then abuelita died and I couldn't even attempt to. I had to grieve, to take my time and try again. Yet, then she hides Tucker from everyone till I forced it out during a case.  _ **Everytime, Everytime I try. Someone has to be filling that spot. Everytime.**_

I sat back slowly, "we both know it can. My daughter is now being targeted by gang members and we have no proof till they decide to try again." 

"They wouldn't be that stupid to go after her so soon, they would know the police is watching her." She refilled her glass.

"How? They would have to know it's the ADA's daughter by now."

"How would they know? The news can't link you two and would use her pen name." Liv looked at me, the look of concern I knew well.

 ** _God I screwed up... Stabler is staying with her now and I can't even be sure she isn't dating him. I tell her everything except alma, she tells me everything except who she dates._** I turned my head to see her better.

"They'll find a way... They always do. I could hide her in Cuba and that damn gang could find her."

"She a strong girl, you don't have to protect her like that."

"No one else will." I took a deep breath and felt a hand on my leg.

A small squeeze brought my eyes open to her beautiful brown ones, "I will. The squad will. You aren't alone Rafael, don't make yourself feel alone."

My lips parted, I wanted to say it. Needed to say it. Needed to say anything to her... I was about to ask her for drinks or something, anything, if my mouth could've just a little faster.

"Liv...."

Her phone rang, she pulled it out quickly, "Fin..."

Her face went to the serious one I knew too well,  _ **Fin... Fin was watching my house.**_

"What? At his house?"

I was half way to my feet and running to grab my jacket from my chair.

"We'll be right there, don't let sax out of your sight." She stood up and opened the door, following me out as we ran to car outside.

* * *

_**Fin** _

* * *

I was asked by Liv to sit on barba's house why he was at work for the day. I would switch out with Carisi and Amaro until he felt better about leaving his daughter home alone after the attack. I was on my way to pulling up and parking when I spot two men in hoodies throw something through the window and a shriek that got the neighbors doors open. I jumped out of the car and kicked in the door, rushing in to find her on the floor between the couch and the coffee table.

"Hey, hey... Your ok. Your fine." I reached towards her as she balled up and whimpered hiding her face, "I work with your dad. I'm here to help."

She didn't budge, and I felt my heart drop. It was always hard seeing girls so young so scared. I noticed a few foot steps and turned to see two men at the door.

"Get away from her!" A man yelled and I quickly raised my hands.

"I'm police, SVU." I showed my badge, "I work with her dad."

"Ok, I called 9-1-1."

"Thank you, can you wait outside so the scene is undisturbed." 

"Does she need medical attention?"

"No, the glass breaking was to far away." I watched then step out as a small crowd grew. 

I pulled my phone and walked over to the shattered window to find a brick with paper taped to it. As the phone rang, I pulled the note off and read it. The phone came to life and Liv was the first voice on the phone.

"Fin..."

"Something happened. Police is on the way."

"What? At his house?"

"Yeah, Barba needs to get here now."

I suddenly heard a small voice from behind as Saxon sat up still curled tight, "Dad... I want my dad."

I heard Liv hang up, so I moved over to comfort sax. She was shaking, eyes watering as she let out puffs of air as breaths. I sat the brick and note to the side, grabbing the cup of milk as I scooted the coffee table back.

"Are you ok? Are you hurt?"

She shook her head and peaked up to see me.

"Detective tutuola, fin." I held out her drink, "your dad is on his way over, the police too."

She nodded and took the drink, a small sip later she was still shaking but looked up at me, "gracias(thank you.)"

"Your welcome." I looked back as I heard the sirens getting closer. 

As the lights started flashing, I raised my hand and showed the unis were we were as they rushed in. I started to give orders, have them pushing people back from the broken window and taking statements. It only took a minute from the unis setting up till Liv and Barba pulled up. I stepped back to give them room, sax jumping to her feet and tackling her father.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I got only three feet in the door when Alma tackled me. She wrapped her arms around me and held her ankle up, I picked her up and carried her up to her room to sit on her bed. Liv and Fin both standing behind me, I brushed her dark blonde hair back.

"Mi Alma, Estas bien? (are you ok?)"

She nodded.

"Lo siento papá, ni siquiera estaba prestando atención(What Happened?)"

She sat up and looked at me, "I was about to watch TV when the glass shattered and I dropped to the floor."

"Did you see them?"

"No.Lo siento papá, ni siquiera estaba prestando atención (Sorry papa, I wasn't even paying attention.)"

"It's fine, you're safe baby." I kissed her head, and hugged her for a moment before looking back at them as I stood, "what happened?"

"I seen a couple kids in hoodies throw the brick through the window as I pulled up. They took off and I went to check on her. " Fin looked to Liv, "there was a note on the brick, you might want to look at."

Liv nodded and they walked down to look it over as I sat with Alma. I sat beside her, arm around her as she cuddled up to my side. Her tears were drying up now, just small sniffles as I sat quietly holding her. This lasted only a minute, she was calm enough that I stood up and she asked me to shut the door. I did as she asked and went down to Liv. Their faces were grim, I knew something was up but I didn't really want to ask. 

"Barba, you'll want to see the note." Fin handed it over.

"Shouldn't you run prints or...." 

Liv cut me off, "Rafael, please."

I took the note and looked down slowly. I closed my eyes after just a glance at the red streaked paper. I handed it back to Liv.

"I want a security detail on her." She nodded, "and I'll tell her."

I looked at the crumpled, ripped, and slightly blood stained paper. Just thinking of the words on their as she called in the order. I walked back up slowly to Alma and shut the door as I sat down. She looked worried, and I couldn't fix it this time.

"Alma, I am ordering you a protective detail."

"It was only this onc...."

"There was a threat on the note. Mi alma, ellos amenazaron tu vida.(My soul, they threatened your life.)" I looked at her, "they said 'you are next.' and the gang unit round up a few and they put a target on you."

"What did they say papa?" She had that Stern look, I couldn't do it, "papa."

"I'm not saying it. It won't happen." I squeezed her hand, "No lo dejaré(I won't let it.)"

"Papa..."

"That's final. You don't need to know and you will have a car following if you leave the house and they will sit outside if you don't." I kissed her cheek, "te amo(I love you)."

"Love you too Papa." She looked down as I stepped back out.  _ **Could this get worse?**_


	9. Learning to walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax struggles to adjust to a detail watching her.  
> Raf trys to find a way to do his job and keep his daughter sane.  
> Sax takes a huge step towards getting better.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

It was my first day with a security detail watching me. Not that I left the house really but the idea that they are out there always made me feel uncomfortable. I tried to stop thinking about it, failing I went downstairs and turned the TV up to make noise and fry my mind from it's noise. It didn't work but that only cause me to have a small fit. I threw the remote and held my head as as I whimpered.  _ **How is this my life? Why did this happen?**_ I was hyperventilating, shaking.... And it all started because I woke up. Because being awake was all it took to think about what happened. 

I picked up my phone and pressed the number, breathing a little heavy as I tried to regain control. It was a few rings then a small click.

"Mi Alma, you caught me just before court..."

"Dad, Tengo que tener este detalle?(Do I have to have this detail?)"

"We already went over this, it's for your safety. Daniel and Xena both have one as well." I could hear his annoyance.

"I know, I know... It just freaks me out to have them outside constantly watching." I sighed, "I'm on crutches, I can't run."

"What if they came back to our home? No puedes correr(You can not run.)" He reasoned.

"Papa, I love you.... Good luck in court."

"Te amo Alma (I love you soul)." He hung up and I closed my eyes.

**_I can't stand eyes on me when I can't even walk without falling down. I can't dance, or move freely.... I don't have the will to sing much. I'm not me papa, can't you see?_ **

I sat my phone down and tried to focus on anything that wasn't my throbbing ankle. I guess I deserved it after trying to walk again without crutches or help. I felt like a toddler again. Another glance at the clock has it at eleven and I felt like I was doomed. So I pick up the phone and try again. Two rings and a smile took my face.

"Hello?" It sounded just like the first time I called him, my brother from another mother.

"Hi Danny boy, free to talk?"

"Of course, anything for sax." He chuckled and I faintly heard pan shuffling and a small huff, "what's up?"

"Trying to distract myself." I sighed and rubbed my neck nervously.

"Still can't walk without help? Hang in there, you'll be better then ever here soon enough." 

 _ **The optimist, definition Daniel Barnes. If only I had half that optimism and confidence.**_ "I know, I know."

"How your dad? I heard he's still prosecuting the case." A small crash on the other end of the line before a few swear words.

"You ok?" I asked as I put the phone on speaker.

"Yeah yeah, just dropping pots." He sighed, "I probably shouldn't be cooking."

"Stay away from the fire Daniel, your bandages are very flammable." I cracked a smile as he pretended to catch a bandage on fire, "seriously though, flammable."

"I know." His voice went a little grainy,  _ **Must've put me on speaker too.**_

"Anyways, dad is dad. He is stressed but won't show it." I picked up the phone and moved to the kitchen to get some food.

"Don't let him stroke out." He said it firmly.

"Like I ever do." I chuckled.

"So what have you been up to?"

"Nothing, I don't want to leave the house in crutches unless I have to." I sift through the cupboards for food.

"I understand, I feel like a zombie half the time... Almost a mummy." He groaned as I could imagine him sticking his hands out.

"I'm just broken." I shrugged, "I just need to walk again."

"Hey, cheer up. Sax, you need to stay focused on getting better. Don't let the injury beat you." 

"I got it." I nodded, "I am going to make it."

"That's the sax I know. You'll be walking before you know it." I smiled before he groaned, "sorry but I have to go. It's hard cooking with one hand."

"Later dann-o."

He hung up and I took a deep breath, the silence felt deadly. I couldn't stand it. I turned in some music from my phone, vanquishing the silence that was haunting me.  _ **I never felt so alone in my life... I can't believe this. I'm still broken, inside and out. I put my dad under more stress and let two people who was nice to me get hurt.**_ I watched the tears fall down and drip into my tea. I let out a small laugh at the sight,  _ **I can't even stop from crying in my tea.**_ I took a sip and looked at the package of rice I sat out with the small chicken breast. I started to cook them up, needing to distract from the world at the moment.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I just walked out of court to find three missed calls from Liv on my phone. Going against what I really wanted to do, I headed to SVU instead of my office. Walking back there would only make Carmen tell me to go to Liv, no need in wasting my time. I texted Carmen to let her know that I was heading over and forward my calls. 

As I walked into the squad room, the detectives looked at me, "where's Liv?"

"Office with Elliot." Amaro pointed.

"Lovely." I took a small breath and walked over.

A small knock and then Liv called for me to come in. I seen Elliot to the side, he stood up and left as I stopped by her desk. With the door shut again, I looked at how Liv took off her glasses. She took a moment before looking up, obviously it wasn't a good conversation they were having. That small welcoming smile she always gave when she was trying to hide some hurt, it made me want to hug her and hold her like when Alma gives that same look.

"Everything ok Liv?" I sat down in the chair across from her.

"Yeah, I just had to tell Elliot he needs to move out. My apartment isn't made for that many people." She sighed and was back to business, "what did you need?"

"You called me remember?" I smirked as she dropped her head for a second.

"Yeah, sorry." She grabbed a file, "we got a lead on Sax's case. Camera footage of four men walking into the alley at about the time the backdoor at the theater has Xena leaving. If they weren't the ones, they still would've seen them."

I looked over the photos and frowned, "grainy, hoodies on in dark colors... Not much to work with."

"Luckily you aren't the one doing the foot work. Carisi, fin, and Amaro are going to be sent out in a minute. I wasn't calling them in from lunch till I gave you the good news." She smirked, "but then court held you over so they can leave anytime now."

I nodded, "good."

She sent a text and I turned to look over my shoulder, the three men stood up and walked out the door. I turned back to Liv as she reached out to take the file back. Once it sat back on her desk, it took her a moment to look at me again 

"You sure your ok?" I asked as she nodded.

"Yeah, I just hate tossing Elliot on the street."

"Your not tossing him on the street. You gave him a place to stay almost a year ago and he hasn't looked for a place yet."

"No, he did. He just can't find one close to here or his kids." She leaned back, "it's just hard."

"You're doing what's right for you and Noah, don't dwell on it." I leaned forward, "how is he anyways?"

"Noah is doing good. Everything is good." She looked over, "how's sax?"

"Trying." I sighed, "she just needs to adjust to the security detail and deal with the injury. I keep finding her trying to walk on her foot and she keeps falling."

"She's a strong girl."

"I know." I nodded, "doesn't make the sight any easier."

"She'll be ok. Have faith." Liv stood up, "you know you can call if you need to talk. Anytime." 

I stood up beside her, "same here."

She walked me out, going over to Amanda and Stabler to talk about the case. I walked back to the office and went to work. Liv texted me that they have names to the grainy photos. I got arrest warrants for those four and left for home.

* * *

I walk in the door and call out, "mi Alma! Estoy en casa! (I'm home)!"

No reply, no noise. I frown and looked around the house. All rooms are empty. My heart speeds up, I frantically look back through as if she would suddenly reappear and was scared when it didn't happen. I pulled out my phone and walked out to the security detail parked outside.

"Hello Rafa...."

"Sax isn't home. I can't find her." I glared at the detail as one jumped out and quickly checked the house, "the detail is sitting here and my daughter isn't home."

"Ok breath." Liv was grabbing some things," we'll be right over. We'll canvas the area."

"Tell me we know where the gang is?" 

"Not yet, just calm down. Saxon is going to be ok."

"They threatened to rape her and leave her for dead Liv, I am not going to calm down till we find her!" I snapped as the other officer quickly started talking to my neighbors.

"I know, I know... I have the squad out looking for the gang members. I'll pull Carisi and Amanda to help me look with you. Just give me a few minutes to get there, I'll have unis in route in a minute." Liv rushed her words but they held true.

Only minutes later three cars pulled up and the unis started canvasing. Liv pulled up with Carisi and Amanda following her. They started looking around and asking, I snapped and needed to help even if Liv kept telling me not to. I called Daniel, sax tells Daniel everything. 

"Mr. Barba..."

"Have you talked to Alma lately?" I bit my lip.

"Yeah, earlier today. We chatted about noon." He sighed, "is she ok?"

"I can't find her. She slipped past the detail and i was hoping she might have said something to you?"

"No. Sorry." I heard a small shuffling on his side of the line, "she told me she hated the detail and was tired of laying around being injured."

"Ok, thanks." Before I could hang up, Daniel added a quick 'let me know when you find her.'

I held the phone by my lips, breathing the best I could to steady my inner rage. I wanted to scream at the unis they called a detail.  _ **How did she slip past on crutches? Seriously? Are these officers blind.**_ I was on edge and Liv came over, patting my shoulder as I sat on my steps trying to calm down.

"We'll find her, don't worry."

"Can't help it." 

That's when I knew where she would be. I could here her words clearly in my head. ** _It feels like flying, like walking on air. It's teaching me to walk all over again._** I quickly looked at Liv.

"I know where she is."

_It was like yesterday, my eight year old girl was staying over at dance till I could get her. I walked in and found her in the back room climbing what looked like curtains and I quickly stepped in._

_"Saxon get down."_

_The teacher laughed, "it's alright Mr. Barba, I'm teaching her the silks."_

_I stopped as she slid down till right before her toes touched the ground. She smiled at me and lifted her legs up._

_"It feels like flying, like walking on air. It's teaching me to walk all over again."_

_I chuckled as she swung her legs up over her head before her feet touched the ground. I shook my head and smiled at her._

_"It's time to go mi Alma." I stretched my hand out and she pouted._

_"One more papa. Por favor, solo una vez más (Please just once more.)" She looked so cute I couldn't say no._

_"Ok, one..."_

_Before I could finish she was running in a tight circle and leapt up just enough that the silk curtains held her up. Her arms wrapped through them, her feet dangling below as she practically flew around the room. I smiled as she laughed, her teacher grinning._

_"Look dad, I'm flying!"_

_As she slowed down she caught her meeting and landed carefully. I smiled as she tackled me, the teacher handed her the dance bag and Alma hugged my leg after taking it._

_"I hope I get to do that again. They need that on Broadway! I would be great at that." She bounced up and down before running down the hall towards the door._

_I thanked the teacher for watching her again before calling for her to slow down. Sax stopped at the door and turned around, her sweet voice calling back._

_"Hurry up silly papa. Quiero comer antes de dormir. (I want to eat before bedtime.)"_

I was beside Liv as we walked into the small studio a block away. The staff didn't say a word as Carisi and Amanda followed us in, the two unis from the detail looking like they were caught with their hands in the cookie jar. We went to the last room, turning to look through the windows to see in the room. There was Alma, she had on a loose dress like tank top and workout booty shorts as she was hanging on the silks. Her feet barely touching the ground as she smiled and spun.

> _Everywhere I'm looking now_  
>  _I'm surrounded by your embrace_  
>  _Baby, I can see your halo_  
>  _You know you're my saving grace_

She twisted her hands in the silks and spun around softly, her injured foot barely touching the ground as she spun around and around.

> _You're everything I need and more_  
>  _It's written all over your face_  
>  _Baby, I can feel your halo_  
>  _Pray it won't fade away_

She stopped spinning and put just enough pressure she could push off and fly around the room. She let go of one silk and hung from the one she still had a grip on, her smile almost blinding as she felt like she had control again.

> _I can see your halo (halo) halo_

I opened the door and knocked softly as the rest of the group slowly regained focus. Alma looked over and frowned, slowly sliding down the silk and hold with a firm grip so she could almost stand without wincing.

> _Hit me like a ray of sun_  
>  _Burning through my darkest night_

She sighed, "sorry dad."

 A soft clap turned the stereo off as she let her good foot touch the ground. I handed her the crutch and she let go of the silk to take it.

"You say sorry because you know you did wrong." I sighed, "all you had to do was have the detail follow. Text me and tell me you were coming here."

"I know, Solo quería control por una vez.(I just wanted control for once.)" She limped over, "I slipped out the back. For future notice."

"I'll tell the detail to find coverage for there." I kissed her head, "tener control, sabes que lo haces.(you have control, you know you do.)"

"Doesn't feel like it." She hugged me tight as I held her.

"Let's go home, or I'll just stay here and watch if you want to have a little space."

She smiled, "thank you, please don't get those officers fired. They didn't know."

"I won't say a thing, Lo prometo (I promise)." I held out a pinkie for her to pull and kiss.

She went back over and I took her crutch again, I shut the door as I looked at the squad. Liv sent them home and the unis to their lieutenant for discipline. Once we were alone she looked at me.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, sorry I overreacted." I scratched my neck as she chuckled.

"No it's fine. As long as she's ok." She looked over as the music started back up.

> _You're the only one that I want_  
>  _Think I'm addicted to your light_

She smiled and watched Alma dance. I just stared at her, I wanted to tell her how I felt but couldn't find the words. Though, this song was giving me plenty.

> _I swore I'd never fall again_  
>  _But this don't even feel like falling_  
>  _Gravity can't forget_  
>  _To pull me back to the ground again_

Her lips moved and I didn't hear her, then she looked over and I suddenly realized she was talking to me, "sorry, what did you say?"

"I said sax is a beautiful dancer. A real natural." She smiled.

"I know. Ever since she said she wanted to be on Broadway, I knew she'd make it." I sighed, "you can go home to Noah now. I'll wait with sax for the new detail."

"I think I will Rafa," she sighed, "she'll be fine. Don't worry so much."

I watched her leave, following her till she went out the front door. I looked back to Alma and smiled, stepping back in and sitting by the door on the floor like I use to when she was little and begging for a little more practice time. I just watched her spin and twirl, a small smile the only victory I needed at that moment.  _ **She's ok, she's strong. Don't worry so much.**_ I smiled and let my thoughts carry away,  _ **You still have her... Now you need to win over Liv.**_


	10. Next step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raf tries to figure out how to ask Liv out and tells sax.  
> The four men are arrested and sax has to do the lineups.

* * *

_**rafael** _

* * *

Yesterday, When sax finally stopped dancing so we could go home, she got me talking on the walk home. She watched my face and knew I was thinking, so she made me open up.

"What's up papa?" She looked over.

"Nothing, don't worry about it." 

She tugged my arm around her as she hugged my side tight, "papa, it's me... Alma remember."

"I was thinking about asking Liv out." I smiled, "I just don't know how."

"Really? Your finally asking." She smiled up at me.

"What do you mean finally?" 

"You said you liked her before. Then you did nothing about it." She looked ahead, "and you said I need to act like a kid. Your being a teenager enough both of us."

"Seriously?" I scuffed, "don't start with me Missy."

"Mi alma, todavía puedo ponerte a tierra. Mi alma, estás bajo mi techo (My soul, I can still ground you. My soul, you are under my roof.)" She mimicked my voice.

"I thought you were a smart girl, burlarse de papá no es muy brillante(making fun of dad isn't very bright.)" I squeezed her in and took her crutch from her.

"Dad." She reached for the crutch and I picked her up, scooping her off her feet, "dad!"

"Bien, soy papá. Yo hago las reglas ... Soy el adulto. Recuerda eso.(Right, I'm dad. I make the rules.... I'm the adult. Remember that.)" I set her down lightly, "and you need to stop picking on me."

I handed her the crutch.

"Thanks Dad, I'll remember that."

After last night, I was ready for an easy day. Eating a small breakfast with Alma before heading to work. I was feeling better, seeing her acting like she was herself again. So I went to my office and had my second cup of coffee as I looked over another case. It was no time before Liv called me.

"Hey Liv."

"Rafa, I have some good news... We caught them." She paused, "Daniel will be coming in but Xena still has no memory of any of it. I need sax to do a line up too."

"Ok, I'll call her." I sighed, "tell me we have a case against these bastards?"

"They ID them and I think we have it." Liv had the voice that told him she had a small smile, "everything is going good."

I hung up, quickly calling Alma to tell her the good news. She was happy to come in, one pm on the dot. I had no doubt she would be there, she would be ready to do anything they'd ask of her. I took one more glance at the time and hurried off to court before the squad room.

* * *

_**Benson** _

* * *

It was about eight am when Carisi and Amaro got the lead on the gang. Fin and Amanda were meeting with them and I was heading out the door now. Elliot would be in to the squad room at some point, he hasn't been much for talking toe since I told him he had to move out. It would blow over in a few days, till then I just gave him space and hoped he wouldn't blow up.  ** _It's time like this I miss Cragen and Munch, they would know how to get him focused again._** It took no time to get to the abandoned building, gang unit ready for the bust. I quickly went up to the lieutenant that was carrying out the bust and made sure we were good to move with them. With everyone focused, we moved in.

I had Amaro behind me, leading through and catching the perps one by one as they fled. With twenty in custody on the bust, it only took a few minutes to find the four we wanted. All four came back with us and went into separate cells as we went one by one to interview and talk to. Amanda and fin, Carisi alone, Amaro alone, and Elliot had the last one. I called Rafael to give him the good news, knowing he wants to tell Saxon.

"Hey Liv." He answered.

"Rafa, I have some good news... We caught them." I paused waiting to hear something in reply. When nothing came I finished my thought, "Daniel will be coming in but Xena still has no memory of any of it. I need sax to do a line up too."

"Ok, I'll call her." He sighed, I hope in relief, "tell me we have a case against these bastards?"

"They ID them and I think we have it." I smiled, "everything is going good."

With that he hung up, leaving me to ponder a moment as I found the number for Daniel.  _ **He's been acting weird lately. No witty retorts or stopping in to chat disguised as work... It must be the case. I would be acting off if it was Noah and not Saxon.**_ I sighed, waiting for the ringing to stop. 

"Hello?"

"Hello Daniel, it's lieutenant Benson. I'm calling to inform you we have four suspects in custody and would like you to come in for a line up."

"You have them?"

"Yes, the four perps we were looking into. They are in custody and your ID would help to cement the case."

"Oh.... Ok.." his line went silent and I was almost afraid it had dropped or he hung up, "I didn't see them well. I can't place them and probably won't be able identify them."

"That's fine, we'll have you look at some photos and maybe do a line up." I waited with baited breath, hoping he wouldn't back out like his classmate Xena. 

"Ok. When do you need me?" He asked.

"One thirty. Your detail will drive you in."

"Thank you." He hung up, his voice a little shakey.

At least he was willing to try, the other girl wasn't so much. Xena couldn't remember anything and wouldn't even look. Her anxiety was at a high and the PTSD was showing... I knew the signs well. I wouldn't push her but I was sure she would need a pep talk before she took the stand, or she would need talked into taking the stand. I checked the time and nodded, a few hours and hopefully this case will get to trial.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was getting ready, papa told me one and I was going to be there at one. I had on a little loose plaid shirt, tight tank top underneath, and a pair of leggings. It hid my ankle well, the high tops giving a little more support. I was good to crutch my way out to the detail, even though I hated it. I didn't want the two uniforms driving me around, it felt awkward. Two men I don't know, driving me to the precinct... I hated the idea. I got in and sucked it up, sitting quietly as they go on and on. Idle chatter that I didn't want to be a part of. Those these two were better at keeping a eye on me and they did put a camera on the back door so I couldn't slip out.  _ **Maybe I shouldn't have told Dad that part.**_ The whole drive I stared out the window, just like when I was six and abuelita was driving me somewhere. I didn't listen to her words, I thought about anything else. It wasn't nice, I do love her, but at least with dad he talked about stuff I liked. Or stuff we needed to talk about. But right now in this detail with two strangers, all I could do is wish it'd go fast. Thankfully, it did... Or well enough.

As we pulled up to the building, they walked me in. Right up to SVU, where I walked in to smiles.

"Hi sax." Carisi waved along with Amanda.

Fin nodded as Amaro and Stabler looked over still smiling.  _ **Is that what it's like to have friends? Have I've been living my whole life wrong?**_ Carisi stood up and pushed his chair over for me.

"Thanks."

"No problem." He smiled as he moved me back over to be in the group a little, "we were actually talking about your performances while we waited on you and your dad to show for line ups. Found some online." 

"That's never good to hear," I smiled.

"Why not?" Amanda looked over, "Your an amazing performer. Some of these are unreal."

I smiled at the tv screen, my first showcase with juilliard. I did a small troup to Newsies seize the day. First place finish on the troup with highest score, but the teachers loved my performance of being alive. They said it felt like the real thing, right off the stage of company. My dad said there wasn't a dry eye in the place, everyone falls back on that performance. Everyone wants me to perform like that all the time. The video had just switched to that performance as I sat there closing my eyes.  _ **It doesn't feel like me, it looks like me but it doesn't feel like it. I almost swore I was watching a stranger.**_ I watched myself sit down at the piano, I almost felt the same heart stutter as I opened the piano keyboard and glanced sideways at my dad in the audience. Watching myself made my heart pound, I only seen flaws and everyone else looked amazed. The music playing out, my voice carrying through as I listened. 

> _Somebody hold me too close._  
>  _Somebody hurt me too deep._  
>  _Somebody sit in my chaaaaiiiiir,_  
>  _And ruin my sleep._  
>  _And make me awaaare,_  
>  _Of be-ing aliiiiiive, beee-iiiiing aliiiive._

It sounded foreign, not even close to the voice I know as mine. I bit my lip as it continues, everyone still watching as my eyes shield me from seeing myself when I was whole.

> _Make me confuuuusssssed, mock me with praaaaaiiiiisssse._  
>  _Let me beee uuuuuussssssed, vaaaaaryyyyy my daaassyyyyyys._  
>  _But aaaslooooone is aalooooone, not aaaaaliiiiiiiiiive!_  
>    
>  _Somebody crowd me with looooove._  
>  _Somebody force me to caaaaaare_  
>  _Somebody make me come through._  
>  _I'll always be there._  
>  _As frightened as you,_  
>  _To help us suuuurviiiiiiiive_  
>  _Be-ing aliiii_ _ve, be-ing aliiive, beee-iiiing aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!_

A hand clasped my shoulder as my eyes flickered open, a kiss to the top of my head, "My second favorite performance."

"I thought it was your favorite?" I whispered.

"Until you did one for me, The way you look tonight." He turned the chair around as most the detectives left to get the line ups ready, "How's it going today?"

"Good papa." I smiled softly and he raised his brow.

I knew he would ask me about this later, once we were alone. I love that he gives me this, without a true look. He let's me win for the moment, he won't put me on the spot till we were alone. Once everyone was gone except Liv, he explained everything.

"We'll do four line ups, one after the other. You say the number of the one that attacked you and move on. They will not see you, they can not hear you, and their attorneys will not talk to you. You'll be in the room with me and Liv, just be honest. Ok?"

I nod, "yeah, I'm good."

"Good. Ready to head in? I'll be beside you the whole time."

I nodded again and slowly stood up to walk in. My dad beside me, Liv just behind us, I took my spot in front of the two way mirror and waited as the first set came in. I didn't even wait for them to stop and turn, I pointed to him immediately.

"Number three."

"Where do you recognize him from?" Liv asked.

"He was the one raping Xena."

Liv gave three spaced out knocks and the lineup was removed as the councilor left to see his client. Next line came in and I waited till they turned before giving the number.

"Five."

"Where do you recognize him from?"

"He sodomized Daniel."

Three spaced knocks and they were lead out. Next group came in as the councilor muttered and dad glared at him. Next lawyer came in and I waited a second, they turned towards me and I closed my eyes to hide a tear.

"Two." I took a breath, "he pulled my leg and broke the window."

Liv gave three spaced knocks and I dropped my head as the lawyers changed out again. Dad hugged me tightly, kissing my head softly. He let go as the line up started in. The last one and I knew the guy immediately. First one in the door. He had that stupid smirk like he did when he smashed the windshield and reached towards me. His voice ringing in my ears.  _Lookin ta party shawty?_ I closed my eyes and gasped with a flinch, the glass shattering causing me to retreat from the mirror. Two arms wrapping around me.

"One... It was number one." I tucked into my dad's chest, the voice ringing in my ears yet again, "He smashed the windshield and was trying to grab me."

My dad squeezed me close, the other lawyer about to open his mouth when Liv shot a glare his way. Three spaced out knocks and she paused at the door. The lawyer took the hint and left with her, giving us the room. He held me tight till I could take a steady breath.

"Mi alma, está bien. Te tengo a ti ... No pueden lastimarte(My soul, it's ok. I have you.... They can't hurt you.)" He whispered into my hair.

He pulled back slightly, loosening his grip so I could wipe my nose. I looked at his green eyes and smiled as he kissed my forehead.

"Mi Alma, forever and always."

"Forever and always papa." 

He wiped my cheeks dry with his pocket square, smiling softly as he let go of me completely. I nodded and walked out with him, a lawyer wanted to talk deals and dad reluctantly agreed. They went off to a interrogation room, the squad running off in different directions to do different things. I looked over to Liv, an idea making me smile.

"Hey Olivia, would you mind taking me home? I mean if you aren't busy." I asked as she turned towards me, "I mean I don't like riding with the detail to and from here."

"Uh...yeah sure. I needed to check on Noah anyhow. " She smiled, "let me grab my bag and let your dad know."

She walked into the office and a minute later she returned, she was walking with fin as she approached, "You got it for a hour or so? I'll be quick."

"No problem Liv." He smiled and waved before turning towards the door as Daniel came in. 

Daniel smiled and stretched his arm out for a hug, "hey sax."

"Hi dann-o." I hugged him quickly as he rested his chin on my head.

For a second everything felt better, it felt like before. Daniel was like my big brother and he was always looking out for me. Dad didn't stress out and wasn't checking on me constantly. Then my eyes opened and the present came rushing back.

"Good to see you sax. When do you think you'll be without a crutch?"

"I don't know, it still hurts to walk on." I shrugged.

Fin moved Daniel for the line ups and dad stepped out to go in with them. He waved and I left with Liv. She helped me in the car, very motherly. Once she pulled away, I put my plan into play. Liv looked over and I smiled.

"Thanks for doing this. I would ask Dad but he gets busy."

"Your dad works a lot." She sighed, "he has a tough job."

"Yeah, then he goes home to me and it's the same thing. I think he's stuck in a rut."

That got a look from her, "ok?"

"I'm going out on a limb, but I'm dad likes you. He talks about you and Noah all the time. He confides in you and always trys to be there when he thinks you need him."

"Are you...?"

"Yes. My dad won't ask, he doesn't want to jeopardize your friendship." I dropped my head, "he would kill me for saying anything."

"So why are you?" She asks as she pulled over by my house.

"Because dad's been my best friend forever. I was his reason not to date." I sighed and got out, "I won't let him use that excuse anymore. So I'll be his backbone."

"When did you have in mind?" She smiled as she stood with her car door open, watching me get up the steps and unlock the door.

"Say tomorrow night? Seven."

"Seven thirty, unless you wouldn't mind watching Noah? My nanny is taking a vacation this week and my substitute won't stay late." She smiled, "see you then?"

"Yeah, but don't tell Dad." I waved as she got in and left.

 _ **Better then I thought... Maybe everything can get better.**_ I sat down on the couch, taking a easy breath as I smiled.  _ **Everything will get better.**_


	11. Just a push... off a small cliff.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax sets her trap.  
> Raf comes home to a surprise date with Liv.  
> Raf and Liv chat about their personal lives.  
> Liv learns something important about sax.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

The next day, I wake up and kiss dad's cheek goodbye. I set up the perfect date in my mind and wasn't settling for less. With him now off at work, I could make sure it's perfect. It started with a good clean of the house, which took a few hours when I have to crutch my way around. Next came food, I made one of dad's favorites... Mexican lasagna. I had the detail take me to get what I needed and one of them even bought me a bottle of wine for the date. With everything set up and looking good as the lasagna baked, I went upstairs to change into comfortable clothes. 

The biggest part of this was having to watch Noah for Liv, he never met me before. So I wanted to do something fun and since the detail would be driving us around and I wanted them to have some time alone at home... I had to choose movies. They had Ferdinand playing at the mall closest to us and amazing pizza that you can order since it was a bed theater. I figured it would be fun and give me a chance to bond with Noah, just in case my dad stops worrying about what ifs.

Since I had everything ready and the cash I pulled for me and Noah's movie night, I went back downstairs and finished the lasagna. Letting the oven cool down slightly before putting it back in to stay warm. I had the wine on the counter with glasses, thanks to officer Jordan. With everything looking good, I sat down on the couch and found a show, on only a few minutes dad should be home and Liv will be just behind him.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

It was a little past noon when I got to SVU. Carisi and fin were out, Amanda was talking to a possible victim in the interview room. I went straight to Liv, knocking as I opened her door and she smiled up at me.

"Hey Rafa." She watched me step in and sit down in a chair in front of her desk.

"Hey Liv, how's your day going?"

She handed me a cup of coffee as I chuckled,  _ **You know me so well.**_

"Carisi and fin are running down a possible lead on the Garner case and Amanda is talking to a possible victim that thinks it was the same guy. I'm just hoping this doesn't become a serial." She leaned back, "How's yours?"

"Court all morning, but besides the constant arguing against splitting up the trial into four parts... It wasn't to bad. But this coffee is much needed." I smiled as she smirked.

"I figured." She took off her glasses and sat them on the desk, "How's sax doing?"

"She's acting normal but, I'm still a little worried." I sipped the coffee and closed my eyes to savor it, "I'm not sure if she's healing completely."

"What makes you say that?"

"The doctor said she wouldn't be needing the crutch by now. Her ankle looks good and she should be able to put pressure on it. " I sighed, "She can't yet. I think she's growing dependent on it because she can't face what happened."

"Do you still want her to testify?" She had went to her softer voice, that sweet one I loved hearing.

"She has to. I can't protect her and leave her out. Xena still has no memory and Daniel only identify one correctly. Sax is our whole case at this point." I leaned forward, "I think I need to get her back to the doctor but I doubt they will help with it. If it's in her head she has to realize it."

"She'll be fine. You know she will." Liv smiled faintly, "she'll be herself before long."

The rest of the day went quick. So before long, I was stopping at SVU to pick up a file from Liv on the way home. To my surprise, Liv had already left and went home. So I took the file and went home, skipping the chat I wanted to have. Because I have already passed on asking her out a hundred times, one more wouldn't hurt. 

I walk in the door and was hit with the aroma of savory Mexican spices. I smiled as I knew what it was, Alma's Mexican lasagna. I walked towards the sound of a very familiar movie, one of Alma's favorites... What a girl wants. I turned the corner and smiled as the scene where Daphne and her dad were escaping the press on a motorcycle. I rested my hand on her shoulder as she smiled.

"Papa, why didn't you ever save me from the press by whisking me away on a motorcycle?" She jested.

"Because I can't drive one. Your dad isn't that cool, sorry." I chuckled as she squeezed my arm to her like she was hugging me.

"But would you?" She asked and tipped her head back to look at me.

"Of course, anything for my Alma. Should I throw you a ball and call it a coming out party?" I smirked.

"Nah, I would like to have a chance at dating at some point." She laughed.

"Over my dead body." I muttered and leaned on the couch beside her as she let my arm go.

"What if it's a cute musician that's really sweet and my perfect match?" She challenged.

"I would kill him and make it look like a accident." I smiled as she laughed, music to my ears, "so Alma, I smell lasagna. Have you cut it and made your papa a plate?"

"No, the lasagna isn't for me. I wanted it to stay warm."

"Not for you? Then who?" I stood up and noticed she was fully dressed as if she was going out, "why are you dressed?"

"I'm going out to watch a movie." She turned the movie off.

"By yourself?"

"No, I have a friend with me." She smiled as the bell rang, "and there he is."

"Wait a second," I watched her grab her crutch and start towards the door, "I'm not prepared to kill anyone yet. I don't even have a baseball bat for a silent threat." 

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, he's just a friend." She smirked.

"So daniel?"

"No." She shook her head and opened the door to reveal Liv and Noah, "hey guys."

"Hi sax." Liv smiled and Noah waved, "Noah this is Saxon. She's uncle Rafa's daughter."

"Hey Noah," Alma bent down and held a hand up to Noah, "high five?"

Noah gave her a high five. Liv stepped by and slipped off her coat. Then I suddenly got a feeling I was being set up. Liv was wearing very plain black dress and Alma was slowly getting Noah to warm up to her.

"Wait a minute, did you...?" I lost my words as Alma nodded.

"Well me and Noah has a movie to go see. Enjoy your couple hours alone." Sax waved as Noah said bye, "come along Noah, I want to introduce you to officer Jordan and Decatur. They'll be driving us tonight."

Once the door was shut, I found myself looking at Liv as she smiled.  _ **Alma set me up with Liv? She parent trapped me.**_ I shook my head as Liv chuckled.

"So, where should I put my coat?" She smiled as I took it and hung it on the banister.

"Alma set me up, didn't she?"

"Yes. She said something about you never could ask."

I nodded, "she is to clever for her own good."

Liv smiled and motioned towards the back of the brownstone, "so, are you going to invite me in or should I go catch up with them?"

"Yeah sorry." I motioned her to follow me to the kitchen, I stopped to the side as I seen the small opened side of the kitchen island set up for two with wine, "How long have this been planned?"

"She asked yesterday when I took her home." Liv walked over and I pulled out her stool for her, "She even offered to take Noah out so we could be alone."

"And she somehow bought wine." I added as I looked at it, "a nice one."

"You have an amazing daughter Rafa." She smiled, "luckily she's just like her dad."

"Yeah, she is." I opened the wine and pour two glasses before pulling the lasagna.

"I'm guessing she cooked this too?" She sipped the wine as I sat back down beside her.

"Yeah, my favorite actually." I took a bite and smiled, "best one she ever made even."

I looked over and smiled as she smiled at me.  _ **Thank you Alma, eres realmente una hija increíble(you are truly an amazing daughter.)**_

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

We arrived at the movie and I laughed as Noah seen the beds. He ran over and jumped on the one marked with our number. 

"We have beds?"

"Yeah, my favorite theater for movies right here. The only problem is not falling asleep." I chuckled as he bounced for a moment before sitting down beside me.

I left my crutch to the side and smiled at the detail sitting in the first row of seats behind our bed. Noah was excited to day the least, when he heard Ferdinand he was bouncing around like a superball, uncontrollable. I smiled as theater filled up and a waiter was bringing over food.

"So you know why I picked this?" I waited till Noah shook his head, "Rafa and me always had father daughter dance where we just lounge at home on his bed or the couch and watch movies. A great bonding experience. But the best part of those days, the large pepperoni pizza and milkshakes."

"Can we?" His eyes lit up as the waiter set the pizza on it's tray on the bed, Two shakes sat down on the small stand beside the bed.

"Strawberry is your favorite right?" I smiled as he took his and smiled, "I got the chocolate strawberry to be safe."

"Thank you sax." He smiled, "what did you get?"

"Chocolate banana." I winked as he laughed.

The movie started and Noah scooted over to sit beside me. As the movie went on and the pizza was done for, he curled up against my side and I put an arm around him as we watched the last half.  _ **I can definitely learn to have him as a little brother. He would be awesome.**_ I smiled at the thought.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

We had finished the whole dish of lasagna and almost finished the wine before the conversation left work. She tucked her hair back out of her face, laughing as I admitted they completely blindsided me. 

"Remind me to get the recipe for that. I'm tempted to lick the dish." Liv laughed.

"If you don't I will." I stuck my fork in the edge of the pan as she shook her head, I pulled it over but turned around to put it in the sink instead of licking it.

"You raised an amazing girl Rafael." 

I nodded, "between me, Abuelita and Mami, I managed."

"Gives me hope for Noah, having the whole squad be his family." She finished her glass and I finished the bottle between our glasses, "Saxon turned out great for losing her mom so young."

"Can I tell you a secret?" I looked over, "she doesn't know this but, her mom didn't die until she was six."

"What?" That got her full attention.

"Her mom, she was a prostitute. She was trying to get clean and escape her pimp. She did get clean and we did have sex but... She fell back into the life. Right about the eighth month mark." I looked down, "she loved the idea of having a baby, sang to her in the womb and everything but she was struggling to survive. The pimp took her back and she disappeared. I honestly thought I lost my baby, that mi Alma was done for. Then she called me when she went into labor and left her behind. Just a simple note on a napkin saying she never wanted kids and she will never leave the life."

"Your kidding?" 

"No. She went back to selling herself for a brutal man. I never wanted Alma to know her mom was willing to throw her away and I never wanted her to feel like she was a unwanted child." I took a sip, "so I lied."

"How do you know her mom died?" 

"She came in as a victim, rape/murder. Her pimp finally broke her."

"Sorry to hear that." She reached over and covered my hand, causing me to look up at her, "what about the rest? Her name and everything."

"All me. I felt like I lost a part of my soul when she disappeared while pregnant with my child. I felt dead, and miserable until I got that call and seen Alma healthy and curled in that pink blanket. When I held her and heard the nurse say she snuck out and left the baby unattended by the bed with even naming her, I knew what to name her." I had a smile as I spoke about her, Liv did to when I glanced her way, "Alma because she was my soul. Saxon because the name was given to warriors and I wanted her to be strong."

"And she doesn't know any of this?" 

"No. I wanted her to believe she was loved." 

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I squeezed his hand, making him look up and meet my eyes, "She was. Even if it wasn't by her mom."

"Enough on me and my parenting, how is Noah doing?" 

He smirked as I started babbling. Telling him all about Noah's excitement getting to meet Sax and going to the movies. He chuckled and watched me the whole time I spoke, I'm sure my face is lit up like his did. It was a strange feeling being able to talk about kids with Raf and him actually give advice from a point of the parent that had been there. I loved it, the feeling I could recognize that had slipped in. Being around raf always made my life easier, he was there whenever I needed him. He was easy to talk to... He was my best friend, a good man. 

It happened so quick, I was just as surprised as him. My lips leaned in, no longer speaking. His moved to mine. It was soft, sweet, and lasting mere seconds. We both slowly opened our eyes, looking at the other and before a word could leave my mouth, his was on mine again. I kissed him, my eyes closing again as I opened my mouth for him. I held the back of his head, my fingers gently brushing through his hair. His lips leading the passionate kiss, until we heard the door and we pulled back. I cleared my throat and finished my glass, he rubbed his neck as he finished his like a shot.

"Guess who's back?!" Sax called as Noah came running and tackled Liv.

"Mom we seen Ferdinand and ate a whole pizza and had milkshakes!"

"You did." I smiled as he kept going through sax stopped looking suspicious at how her dad sat, "well, I guess we need to walk home to get all that sugar out of your system. It's almost bed time."

I set Noah to get my coat and sax leaned on the counter, "he didn't eat most the pizza, I did send some back to the detail, and it was a very small shake. He shouldn't be too bad."

"Thanks again." I gave her a small hug before slipping on my coat, "so do you like hanging out with sax?"

"Yes! Can we do it again tomorrow?" He looked so adorable when he's this happy.

"We'll have to see. Hopefully soon." I winked at raf and took his hand, "bye."

"Bye sax, see you soon."

"You to little dude." Sax waved as we left, shutting the door.

_**Did that just happen?** _

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

Sax waited till the door shut, smiling softly like she did something wrong, "I guess I should've stopped for that pop I wanted."

"No it's fine." I shook my head, "a few minutes would've been nice but I don't know if it would've helped."

"Qué quieres decir?(What do you mean?) She looked happy when she left." She walked over and and put the glasses in the sink and handed me a water from the fridge, "you finished the whole thing of lasagna and the bottle of wine."

"Que debes explicar(Which you need to explain)." I looked at her and she shook her head.

"Only if you tell me what happened. Why aren't you on top of the moon singing happily?"

"Because life isn't like the movies." I took a hefty swig, "Cómo conseguiste vino?(How did you get wine?)"

"Necesitas explicar mejor(You need to explain better)." She gave a pointed look but indulged me, "officer Jordan bought it. Decatur wouldn't of." 

"So I need to find a better detail for during the days." I sighed, "gracias por esta noche(thank you for tonight.)"

"Eso no explica nada(That doesn't explain anything)." She teased me by poking my nose, "vamos papá (come on papa)."

"Liv and me kissed." She smiled and ooooooooohhhhhhhhh'ed me, "don't get to happy. It was a quick peck then something bigger before you opened the door and cut it short."

"Mierda. Lo siento papá(Shit. Sorry papa)." She frowned and I glared, "language sorry."

I shook my head, "it's ok. I didn't know what to do if you didn't open that door. Me quedé sin palabras y no pude encontrar una célula cerebral funcional(I was speechless and couldn't find a working brain cell.)"

"But she looked happy. You didn't ruin it." She hugged me softly before walking over to sit on the couch.

Only then did I realize she limped around the whole table because she left her crutch on the other side.  _ **Is she getting better? It has to be all in her head, her ankle looks good. But she isn't realizing it.**_ I picked up my water and followed her over to the couch.

"Do you want to finish the movie?" I smiled as she smiled at me.

"Watching What a girl wants with my dad, heck yeah." She waited till I sat down to cuddle against me, "from the beginning?"

"Why not. Who needs sleep when I can spend time with the best girl in the world." I kissed her head and started it from the beginning. 


	12. Are you ready?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv takes a late morning to get Noah to school.  
> Sax visits the doctor.  
> Rafael preps sax for trial at home.

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I was rushing around the house cleaning a little as Noah was getting dressed. Elliot had left for work and his son was with his mom this week. I wanted to walk Noah to school today, giving him a little extra time with me since I know I work to much. After seeing Rafa and sax last night, it was hard not to feel the need to spend more time with him. Luckily as he was ready for school and we started walking, Noah started the conversation.

"Do you like uncle Rafa?" He asked as he took my hand, coming to the first street crossing.

"What do you mean?" I smiled at him.

"You spend a lot of time with him and sax is really cool. I like her." He tugged my hand a little as he started to almost run, "She was fun. I wish she was my sister."

"Sax made a good impression?"

"The best!" He smiled so hard it almost looked like it hurt.

"Maybe sax and you can spend some time together in the future. When Lucy gets busy." I chuckled as he cheered, "Are you excited for school?"

"Yeah. I want to tell them all about the movie and how much fun sax is."

I kissed his head and let him run in the school before I called a cab. I wasn't rushing to work like I normally would, I wanted to think a little. About Rafa, Saxon, this case.... The date. Sax really went out of her way to set up the perfect date for us. She took Noah out for me... My apartment was clearing out slowly. Elliot was finally searching for a new place, making mine much more manageable. But then again the lease was almost ridiculous.  _ **Maybe I need a distraction... Rafael could be the best distraction.**_

She walked into the bullpin, waving to the squad as she opened her office. A quick look to the clock as she sighed, _**a couple hours late... I need a good distraction.**_

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

It was my weekly check up, but I made dad stay at work. After the first appointment and him looking more like they were going to amputate my foot then just rewrap it, I didn't want him to come. The detail dropped me off and one officer walked in with me. He sat outside the patient room as I sat with the doctor. He looked over the ankle, bent it and manipulated it. Then came the questions.

"Can you put pressure on it?"

"A little, I still use a crutch." I bit my lip.

"Can you walk on it at all?"

"Not really. I try when I get out of bed and a little during the day but I always fall." I sighed, "I don't want to injure it further."

"I understand, but you need to try. Four times a day just try to put pressure. Stretch the ankle. Take a workout band or a elastic bandage, something long and hook it under your foot and use it roll and move your ankle." He made eye contact, "strengthen it. Work it up to be able to."

"Thanks doc, will do." I smiled and nodded as he went along.

He finally sent me off, wanting to see me next week again. I walked out with the officer, he took me home and I suddenly was missing Decatur and Jordan. My usual detail had the day off and this new one made me feel antsy again, I didn't want to be around them. So I went in my home.e and locked the door, head resting against it as I took a deep breath.

"You got this. You can do it." I slowly lifted my head up, "you can do anything. You're a Barba, you're strong."

I lift my foot and did a small hop to turn around, slowly putting my foot down and biting my lip to distract from the pain. I made it two steps then fell face first to the floor. I rolled over and sighed, rubbing what will probably be a bump on my head.

"Thanks doc, telling me to walk on a weak ankle. Great idea!" I slowly pulled myself up and crutched over to get some ice for my head, "I feel like a newborn deer."

I put together a little ice pack for my head, sitting on the couch and finding a movie. I kept flipping through on tv and couldn't find anything, so I hopped over to the bookshelf for a movie. My eyes went to the photos and I got side tracked. The bright eye kid in a magenta costume running around at Halloween, my dad laughing and smiling as I explained I was from Rocky horror picture show to all the houses. My first school play where I played Dorothy in the wizard of Oz, standing on the stage in costume smiling. My home coming photo where I went alone dressed up to a tee, a perfect ten as my dad said. I picked up a old photo of three year old me using my dad to balance and do a perfect arabesque. He stretched his arm out to keep his balance as I put way to much pressure on his side. I could almost remember him falling and dragging me on top of him as he laughed. The photo of him and me watching our first Broadway show, he got us front row tickets.

As I sat the photo down, I thumbed through the movies till I found an old home movie. I smiled and popped it in, grinning like an idiot as I hit play and it started. Small little moments of my life, of dad and me. Then started my solo, the cry solo that my dad loved. I watched it through and looked at my ankle, then back up.  _ **Last time you tried you fell. Don't....please don't.**_ I leaned back and just watched it. I watch three or so home movies, just reliving the moment.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

As my day was wrapping up, I knew I needed to do a trial run with Alma. She wasn't ready for a court room, but I didn't have one I could use. Daniel took the only open space I found so I could make sure he was safe. I was trying to get Xena allowed to do a jury statement, because everyone seen she wasn't stable. She couldn't take the stand unless I absolutely had to put her up there. She couldn't take a cross. So this left me with Alma, I decided a home session would be better. If nothing else, on the morning of trial or at lunch I could slip her in and let her sit on the stand. But she's strong, I raised her strong... She'll be ok.

I walked home, using the short time to clear my head. The detail was still outside, I noticed it wasn't Jordan and Decatur.  _ **Hopefully Alma doesn't think that was my doing.**_ I step in but before I can call out, I hear my voice saying it for me... From the living room.

"Alma, I'm home!" 

"Papa!" 

The sound of feet and roughhousing came right after. I moved to the living room and chuckled as I seen the home videos being played. 

"You know," i paused as Alma jumped a little, "I thought you only liked the home videos when I made you watch them."

"Usually I do." She waved, "hi Dad."

"Hola Alma." I kissed her head, "what's up?"

"Just the videos. I was bored after the doctor." She shrugged and paused the video in the middle of her reading me goodnight moon at three.

"How did it go?"

"I need to put a little pressure and work out the ankle so I can walk on it." She looked up at me, "I don't think the doctor is that helpful at the moment."

"Why do you say that?" I frowned.

"I took his advice and tried, I ended up with a bump on my head." She leaned up and her small goose egg came into view.

"Dios mio, are you ok? Have you iced it?" I started to jump to get ice as she chuckled.

"Yes papa, I stopped when I was getting a brain freeze." She sighed, "se irá pronto Estoy bien(it'll be gone soon. I'm fine.)"

"I know." I kissed it gently, "I know. But I still need to do prep with you. Are you up for it?"

"Por supuesto papá, cualquier cosa que necesites.(Of course dad, anything you need.)" She sat up, "is it finally going to court?"

"Tomorrow. No te pondré en el stand hasta después de SVU y el M.E. (I won't put you on the stand until after SVU and the M.E.)" I sat down across from her, "do you understand what we're going to do?"

"Your going to ask me questions like the defense." She sat up, "don't go easy on me. I know you'll defend me the best you can but... I don't want to risk being unprepared."

I nodded and opened up my briefcase to pull my notepad, "Ms. Barba, what were you doing when this alleged crime happened?"

"I was at a cast party for a musical."

"What musical?" 

"Newsies. I go to juilliard and that is out musical this year." She sighed, "it was our last rehearsal, we were suppose to do our first show the next day."

"Good, I like the detail." I smiled, "the party wasn't over when you left? Why did you leave early?"

"I got in a fight with a cast member. I thought it best to leave instead of making it worse."

"Do you get in fights often?"

"No."

"Was there alcohol at the party?"

"Yes but I didn't have any, I'm only 16." She was fidgeting.

"I know your not lying but you can't fidget. It sends the wrong message." I waited till she nodded, "so you drove yourself home?"

"No. My friend Daniel drove. He usually drives me home after school."

"He seems like a nice man. Are you two dating?"

"No. He's just my friend. He's like my brother."

"Good but not so defensive. We might have silent anger as a Barba but we can't show it in a court room. Trust me, I've slipped up on that." I nudged her with my foot, "chin up, strong."

"Lo sé papá, lo sé.(I know papa, I know.)" She rolled her shoulders back, "keep going."

"You said you seen Ms. Davids being raped. How could you tell? She was a good distance away and blocked behind two men in your own words." I pushed a little harder.

"She was struggling and then unconscious." 

"You claim these man attacked you?"

"The broke the glass on Daniel's car. They were reaching through and cut my leg." She shifted to sit up straighter, "I was screaming for help, for them to stop and they didn't."

"You said you closed your eyes and dripped the phone. How do you know which ones attacked you?"

I seen before I shut my eyes. I could smell them, the roughness of their hands..." She shivered and I sat the notebook down, "don't stop. I need the practice."

"We can try again tomorrow, your not ready." I got up and scooted over to hug her, "I can tell your not ready."

"I need to do it now. I need to be able to get on the stand and not breakdown." She tried to reason with me but I seen her shake and heard the quiver in her throat.

"Alma, it's ok." I stroked her hair as she started to cry.

I knew it was only because she was frustrated, so i let her cry and try to push me away. Her tears were soaking my shirt as she caved, falling against my chest as I held her close. I stroked my fingers through her hair, rubbed her back and just let her go. She was trying be strong for me, has been since I ran to the crime scene to see her. She has been hiding her tears, the pain... She has been doing everything she could to hide it from me. She always refused to talk about it, not wanting to touch the details. I hated to see her break like this, but I was strangely happy. She was finally getting better.


	13. Courtroom and a date for two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael and Liv talk on the short lunch break from court and a date after. Sax watches Noah during their date.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I sat in my office, only a few minutes till court. I was packing my things as my phone dinged... Alma. 

> _**A:** Hi dad. I won't make it to the courthouse till after lunch._
> 
> **_R:_ ** _Ok, see you later then. Te amo mi Alma._
> 
> **_A:_ ** _Te amo papa._

I frowned,  _ **What could she be doing? I probably won't even get her to the stand today, but it was curious.**_ I sighed and slowly got up, running off to court. I sat down in my seat and pulled the file out, skimming through the papers as Carisi and Fin sat down. Amanda wouldn't be to far behind, she was first up to give backstory to the crime scene evidence. Amaro would follow her and then Stabler. I kept Liv as a swing depending on how cross went. The ER doctor would follow before I put Daniel and Alma on the stand. Xena was a second swing, I was hoping not to use her seeing as she wasn't stable. She was scared of facing those criminals, of people looking at her... She couldn't go up there without a major problem occurring. But mainly, mainly I was worried about Alma going up and going through cross. My strong beautiful daughter wasn't ready to go up there and take hits from the defense... I wasn't ready to be defenseless and unable to protect her.

I took a deep breath and sat watching as the jury was brought in. The defense lawyer was a new face, someone I hadn't seen before. Her skirt suit was pressed and she looked confident. More importantly, she wasn't the lawyer that sat in that seat during the pretrial hearings. I watched her set up her file as she definitely took the lead over the other attorney that sat to the far end with the four men between them. The bailiff came in and everyone sat down and quickly stopped talking. He called the court to stand for the judge and I watched Barth enter and sit down. The court was now in session, and first thing was calling the councilors to the bench as she seen the new girl. I walked up beside her and leaned up on the bench.

"You weren't the councilor I had during pretrial." She looked at the woman.

"I'm sorry your honor, I thought you were told. I am their new council representing all four men." She looked between me and Barth, "Ms. Collins."

"Well Ms. Collins, I expect you to be more forthcoming in the future. I don't appreciate these tricks in my courtroom, no delaying due to change of council."

"Oh I don't intend to. We are ready to proceed as scheduled and I do have a few file requests so I can better understand the alleged crime." The blonde pushed her hair back, "I can present them after court today or at lunch."

"That'll do. Let's continue." Barth sent us back and I suddenly had a bad feeling.

As Collins took her spot to do her opening statement, I watched with a deep pounding in my chest. She spoke directly and strongly, she could easily out do Buchanan or Calhoun.... She was probably the only person I could truly fear at the moment. She could be the big twist that sets these monsters free and ruins my daughter's future. Alma couldn't go on knowing these men were out there after they threatened her at our home... This could be the moment I lose everything.

* * *

Court was dismissed for lunch and I was too relieved. Amanda did good but got a strong jab during cross. Amaro was almost pointless to have on the stand after Collins poked holes in every other word he said. Stabler was up next and I was begging god to let it go good. I had just got in my office, sitting my stuff down as a knock broke the short silence.

"Come in." I called and turned around to see Liv step in.

"I don't think I ever seen you looking so stressed, and I seen you when Rudnick skipped bail." She walked over to me and patted my shoulder, "breathe."

"At least I know what Buchanan and Calhoun are capable of, they are easier then this attorney." I sighed, "I've never heard of her before but she is a worthy opponent."

"I guess you need a distraction." She smiled, "How about lunch?"

"I would love to but..." I dropped my head, "I really need to talk to Stabler. I need to prep him on cross so someone doesn't look foolish or get tripped up. So far, no one is making it."

I started to pull my phone as Liv squeezed my shoulder, "Elliot has been on that stand hundreds of times with you, millions before you. He can handle himself."

"I know but she is amazing. She is cutting all our work..."

Liv stopped me quickly as she cut in, "and your too stressed. I don't need you having a heart attack in court. I can't explain that to Saxon."

She took my hand and pulled me after her, "ok... Ok I'll go."

Liv let go and I followed her to a small cafe around the corner. She got us a booth and waved over the waitress, since we both knew our orders already. She gave me a small smile, the look I knew to well as stop working. I seen that look to often when she interrupts my drink and work at a bar. I stopped my thoughts immediately and gave a small smile in return.

 "So we have forty minutes. What do you want to talk about?" I leaned back.

"Anything that isn't work." She smiled, "Noah has been begging me to let him see Saxon again. Your daughter makes a great first impression."

"She loved Noah. Keeps saying I need to ask you out so they can have another night together." I bit my lip softly, jumping the gun.

"Was that an invitation?" She smiled as our food was delivered.

"Depends... Is your answer yes or no?" I took a bite.

"Where might we be going?" She raised her brow.

"I haven't decided." He smiled, "if you say yes I'll make plans."

She shook her head, "yes Rafael, I would love to go out with you again." 

I winked and she chuckled, "good, I guess I need to make plans. But if your willing, I would say tonight."

"Tonight could work... If sax might want to watch Noah." Liv smiled and waited for raf to nod.

"I'll just set that up on the way back, I doubt she would have any problem." He smiled at her and watched as she winked back.

The lunch went quick but before we really could chat much more, Liv got called away. I watched her leave and slowly started my walk back, pulling out my phone to call Alma. It took a moment, but Alma answered.

"Hola." She almost sounded happy.

"Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?" I chuckled, "what's got you so happy?"

"I don't know... Long story. What did you need?"

"First, I miss hearing you happy. Second, I have a date with Liv tonight and she wanted to know if you wanted to watch Noah... Apparently he took a shine to you." 

"Of course I would! I love that little guy." She spoke through a smile, "so when's the date and what are you going to do?"

"I don't know, probably Forlini's for drinks and dinner." I shrugged as I walked in my office and shut the door, "nothing fancy."

"No. You two drink there all the time." She huffed, "I have an idea you'll love and it isn't over the top."

"What is it?"

"I'm not telling you. I'll give you the where when Liv drops Noah off to me at the house. You two can go then and thank me after." She would've had that Barba smirk on her face and I wish I could knock it off.

"What if I say no?"

"You won't. You'll love it. Liv will at least like it." 

"Ok fine... Can I have a little detail? Like how to dress, food.... Anything?"

"Casual. Food will be supplied. But most importantly, it's a normal date that will feel like a date. Ok?"

"Ok." I nodded and grabbed my briefcase as I went back to court, "by the way, I won't need you in court today. You'll be on the stand Tomorrow." 

"Ok. Can do papa." 

"Te amo Alma."

"Te amo papa." 

I hung up and walked into court, my focus back on the case. A small part of me wondering what she had in mind but it left when the judge walked in.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

As it was getting time for work to end for my dad, I called and bought the tickets on his card. I seen it the other day and knew this would be perfect, dad loved this movie. As for me and Noah, we would be having one of my favorite things when I was little... Fort party. We'll build a fort in the living room, have make your own tacos, and build the tv into the fort so we could watch TV too. I had texted Liv and asked her to dress Noah in PJs. 

I went to the kitchen and made up the tacos, everything set up on a small platter with a open spot for the meat that was staying warm in the oven. I had the detail pick up a two litter of pop for us too. I put on my favorite adult size onesie, Marie from Aristocrats on it. I had just finished changing and was crutching down the steps carefully as my dad walked in. He stopped just inside the door and chuckled before helping on the last step.

"Muy hermoso. ¿Qué has planeado?(Very beautiful. What did you have planned?)" He smiled as I hugged him.

"Me and Noah are going to have a fort night complete with make your own tacos." I kissed his cheek, "you...  It's still a surprise."

"I think Noah will like it." He smiled.

"Treasure planet, brother bear, the rescuers... Aristocats." I pointed to the PJs, "the lesser known Disney movies that are awesome. Tell me he won't love it."

He chuckled and kissed my head, "he will."

I pulled his hand, he smiled and lifted me up. He carried me to the couch and sat me down as I held my crutch. He chuckled before heading up to change after I insisted he didn't go out in his suit. It took him almost thirty minutes and he came down in jeans and a button up plain blue shirt. His hair was still styled so I ran my fingers through it and made it look more casual as well.

"Really?"

"To clean papa." I smiled, "se ve bien(looks good)."

"Mami wasn't even that bad when I was little." He mumbled as I stuck my tongue out.

"Well to bad, I'm invested in this now." 

"Tu invertiste en mí saliendo con Liv? Cómo es eso?(Your invested in me dating Liv? How so?)" He laughed as he sat down beside me.

"I want Noah as a brother. So you can't screw this up." I pointed at him and he shook his head.

"Ok." He checked the time, "Liv should be here soon."

"Yeah, I can't wait." I smiled and he hugged me.

"So are you trying to say you want siblings?" 

"Para nada papá(Not at all dad)." I kissed his cheek, "I want Noah and like whatever else you give me."

He chuckled before we both looked at the door, the door buzzed and he went to get it. Noah rushed by in PJs and tackled me on the couch after giving dad a small quick hug. I squeezed him and chuckled as he did too. Dad came back with Liv and they looked at us.

"Tacos and Disney movies in a fort we are about make when you two leave." I smiled at Liv, "sound good Noah?"

He nods and waves at dad and Liv, "bye."

"Our kids want us gone." Liv chuckled.

"Se siente como una trampa(It feels like a trap)." He chuckled, "where to?"

"Theater two blocks down and one left. Your movie starts in thirty minutes. Reserved under your name." I smiled and waved as raf walked Liv out.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

"Saxon plan this one too?" Liv smiled as we started our walk.

"I told her I planned on drinks and dinner at Forlini's, she said I needed to do something we wouldn't do when working. I let her set it up." I shrugged, "very rarely do I ever find fault with Alma's work."

Liv chuckled and took my hand, I could feel my heart flutter. Skip a beat, beat to fast...my breath stuck in my throat. I lost my ability to speak for a moment.  ** _Why is this the first time I feel like this with Liv? I've worked with her for so long and have liked her for most of it... But I feel like a teenager again._** I smiled and squeezed her hand as we walked up to the theater window. I seen the movie title and wished I would of made Alma tell me before.

Liv looked at me and smiled, "I love this movie."

"It's one of my three favorite movies." I shook my head, "I guess my daughter shouldn't be my best friend."

She chuckled as I walked us up to the window, got our tickets and walked in. We quickly found seats and settled in. We had a little time so I looked at Liv, smiling as she turned to me.

"Pretty woman, she bought us tickets to pretty woman." I shook my head.

"I loved this movie, I was twenty two when it came out and I went to see it in theater." She smiled beautifully, not looking even close to her age.

"I was on a date. I took a girl to watch it in theater and just loved it. Then of course Alma's mom, at first it felt kinda like it so it gave me the idea to tell her a happier story. She use to call me Edward all the time." I shook my head, "she use to watch this daily when she was five, mainly because I assumed she didn't understand most of it so I let her."

Liv looked at me closely, kissing my cheek, "you're a good father Rafa. Saxon is a amazing girl."

"I know." I nodded.

"This wasn't your fault either. You can't protect her all the time." She squeezed my hand as the movie theater darkened, "she did the right thing, the smart thing... The whole time worried about what you would think and saving her friends."

I took a deep breath as the opening scene started, I looked up and was engulfed in the story immediately.  ** _You raised an amazing girl... Liv said so._**

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

The minute they shut the door, music got put on and I was helping Noah build a big fort. I got the tv in it and made sure we had plenty of room, then I brought Noah with me to bring in the taco tray. One full platter and I carried in the shells. We put on treasure planet and I started to sing along as it went. We laughed and joked, eating tacos like crazy. Then Noah had the best idea.

"Sax? Do the officers outside have any food?" He looked over at me.

"Sometimes they have food." I shrugged, "tell you what, Let's make a few tacos for them."

He smiled and built three tacos as I got a small plate for them. I remembered hearing Decatur was allergic to onion so I had Noah skip those but fill up the rest. I made one myself and he carried the plate to the door as I pulled two soda bottles from the fridge for them. I lead the way, crutching towards the door until I heard Noah.

"Oh no." I turned to see the plate tip and barely caught it as I dropped the crutch. 

"Two hands on either side buddy, don't want to drop their surprise meal." I stood up and kept walking. 

We walked out the door and down the stairs of the stoop. I walked up and Jordan rolled the window down as I leaned on the door.

"We were concerned you didn't bring supper and Noah didn't like the idea of you guys starving." I giggle as Noah lifted the plate up.

"Tacos!" He shouted with a smile.

"Those look great," Jordan took them off Noah's hands, "but he can't have onion."

"No onion in any of it. I made sure." I smiled as they nodded, "and pop because what's better with tacos."

"Thank you." Jordan smiled.

"And thank you Noah." Decatur called over.

"Enjoy." I patted Noah's shoulder as he turned around to walk in.

He stopped halfway up to wave before running in the door. I started up but i felt my leg tug down, I grabbed the small railing and pulled myself up. It wasn't a full fall, just a small roll of the ankle as I stood up moved went back in. My head pounding and I just focused on getting back to the fort as I locked the door. I crawled in and laid there as we moved on to the Aristocats and started wiggle and sing along. It was one movie after the other and a lot of dancing while laying down. I was having so much fun I didn't even realize the time.

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

As the movie wrapped up, I took Rafael's hand and we strolled down to a small diner. He walked in and instantly we had a menu and a booth at the front. A coffee sat in front of him right after he sat down. The blonde waitress turned to me and smiled.

"Hi darlin, what can I get you?"

"I'll take a coffee." I smiled as she nodded and sat a mug down to fill up, "thank you."

"And to eat?" She pulled out a pad and raf shook his head.

"Do you want actually food or something amazing like you've never tasted?"

The way he said it, I should've known better. But I nodded and the waitress walked away without writing a thing down. I shook my head as he held a small smirk on his face and sipped the coffee.

"Let me guess, you and sax come here often." I raised a brow.

"First Sunday of every month for dinner. Or more dessert and coffee." He closed his eyes as he took another sip, "best coffee in town, I just don't make Carmen run all the way over every morning."

He was waiting for me to taste it, so I obliged him. A small sip of hot coffee slipped past my lips and I immediately recognized it. I had it before, in his office, in the morning... And that damn smirk of his, I knew it immediately.

"I said I don't make Carmen run and get it. I just do it on the way to work." He took a drink and I laughed.

"You are something else Rafa. So many things I never knew about you, and I don't just mean Saxon."

"I am a man of mystery." We both laughed before he dropped his head, "I know I told you before but, I didn't date much after Alma. She hated it when she was little and I just never tried after. I always worried about her and felt like I had so little time outside of work that it would be irresponsible not to spend it with her."

"I understand," I covered his hand from across the table, "I had trouble dating with the job. Either the guy was disgusted with the job, intrigued with it, or was using it. Then I got Noah and I was focused on him and work only." 

"Look at us, two parents with disturbing jobs that worry to much about their kids." He let out a little laughter with me joining in as a plate was sat down, "thank you Julie."

I studied the plate, it was a type of cake but it didn't look familiar. I looked to him and he pulled a small piece motioning for me to join him. He took a bite and smiled as he slowly chewed and ate it. I pulled a small piece and ate it cautiously, it was delicious.

"What is this?" I knew I had a surprised look on my face.

"A mix of monkey bread and coffee cake. A house specialty they designed for us." He took a second piece.

"You really are a man of mystery." I smiled before taking his hand again, "I'm glad we could do this again."

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

Time went by quickly and before we knew it, ten o'clock was almost upon us. We rushed home continuing to chat as we got to the door. I opened it and seen the crutch on the floor, my heart dropping as Liv seen it too. We heard a movie playing and rushed in, the fort was up and at the rushed steps, I seen two heads pop out. A sigh of relief came from both of us, the kids confused as they slipped out. 

"Home so soon?" Alma smiled but then looked at the clock, "oh... Wow. Time just flew by."

"I'm not even tired." Noah frowned, "can we stay longer?" 

Liv sighed, "sorry sweet boy, sax has a busy day tomorrow and me and Rafa has to get up for work."

Noah frowned but sax gave him a hug, "maybe we can hang out later little dude."

He nodded and ran to get his jack. Sax tugged a blanket, the fort falling down and a blanket falling off from above the tv. I helped her up, picking up the blankets and putting them to the side. I walked Liv and Noah out as Noah was telling all about what they done while we were gone. When they got to the door, Liv stopped and took Noah's hand but turned towards me. I wasn't prepared, but I was pleasantly surprised when she gave me a quick kiss before leaving.

"Good night Rafael." She shut the door as Alma leaned over the couch.

"Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh" She smiled and leaned forward when I glared back at her.

"Ok Missy, why is your crutch laying on the floor." I picked it up and leaned it against the couch.

"Me and Noah made some tacos for the detail outside. He almost dropped the plate and I saved it and...." She stopped as I connected the dots.

"You walked on it?"

"Limped and twisted it on the steps coming back in." She still sounded shocked, "I tried though."

"You should be happy." I sat down beside her, "you walked on it."

"But I hurt myself." She turned and cuddled up against me, "I hurt myself papa. I tried to walk on it and hurt myself." 

"Because you haven't been working on it." I squeezed her close, "don't worry, it happen soon."

She nodded and looked at the tv, the rescuers still playing. I kissed her head as she smiled.

"How was your date?"

"Good.... But next time I'm planning it." I nudged her so she had to readjust closer to me.

"Fine. But the movie was good?"

"Yes." I chuckled, "you lucked out."

"I think it's more skill." She winked up at me, "can I get a lift, my foot is killing me." I shook my head but pulled a blanket over her before carrying her up to her bedroom.

"Whatever you say, but you have a busy day tomorrow. Get some sleep." I laid her down and kissed her head, "love you miss alma. Por siempre y para siempre(Forever and always.)"

"Forever and always.Y eres bienvenido (And you're welcome.)"

I watched her roll over and snuggle into place, everything went well for once. The day ended perfectly. I cleaned up the living room and turned off the TV, looking at the living room for a moment before I went to my own bed.  _ **She walked... She actually walked. Maybe it will be sooner over later, maybe I can finally see her dance again or jump up on the couch as she gets to into a musical movie... Maybe I can finally see her be herself again. All she has to do is make it through tomorrow.**_


	14. I'm here for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saxon has a traumatic event right before court. Liv saves the day.  
> Rafael finds a situation he's not prepared for.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I woke up and slowly got ready for work. I noticed Alma's door was still closed and it was unusual. Pushing it open, I seen Alma laying in bed crying. Rushing over, grabbing her shoulders softly and rolling her over to face me. She jumped up, hugging me tightly and sniffling in my shirt.

"Alma, what's wrong?" I rubbed her back and kissed her head.

"I can't go on the stand... I can't... Can't papa can't."

 I held her and shushed her gently, calming her down before getting her sit up and get around. She was going slow, I kissed her goodbye and promised to see her before she went on the stand, the detail would bring her in around noon unless I called early. She would be ready immediately and sit around until she got bored and showed up early. I brushed it off, walking off to work.

I barely get in the door, and there was Liv sitting in my office with two cups of coffee and a newspaper, "good morning."

"Good morning, didn't get enough of me?" I teased.

"I think I had plenty of you," she chuckled, "just checking in... Sax and everything."

"She cried this morning because she had to get on the stand." I sighed, "but she came around."

"You left her at home.e to have a breakdown?" She raised a brow.

"She'll be here soon. If I know Alma half as good as I think I do, she'll be here ready before court.... During not sure but she's strong." I pulled the files I needed and slipped them in my brief case, "are you goin to stay here the whole hour till court?"

"I was going to stay with sax. Talk to her and help her till she takes the stand." She sighed, "but if she's not here..." 

"Are you saying your dating me for my daughter?" I smirked as she shrugged and nodded.

"Noah likes her."

"She likes Noah. She told me I can't screw it up with you because she wouldn't get to see Noah." I raised a brow, "and I need a love life and all that but it was clearly an after thought."

"She's something else." Liv chuckled, "I'm hoping she does ok."

I couldn't hide my smile at that,  _ **Finally a girl that likes Alma and Alma likes her, And her son.**_ I looked at my phone and picked it up.

"I know she'll be ok, I believe in her... But if you want, you could personally pick her up and bring her here. She probably prefer it over the detail since Decatur and Jordan aren't on duty today." I bit my lip slightly and looked up, "I'll give her a heads up if you want."

"I think that'll do." She smiled, "hopefully I can keep her steady through court."

"Ok, I'll give her the heads up before I leave." I sent the text and Liv got up.

"Ok, guess I'll just go see sax. I'll be in the courtroom when she takes the stand." She waved at me, "later Rafa."

She left and I closed my eyes. I was imagining what it would be like, the four of us having a simple night in... It was perfect. By the time Carmen knocked, I was wishing this was any other case and that the image in my head was real. But instead, I was heading towards court... This day being painted dim as everyone knew what was about to come.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was fully dressed now, sitting on the couch when a text came through.

> _**D:** Liv is picking you up, just left my office to get you. I'll see you on lunch before you take the stand.... Love you._

I nodded and shifted in my seat,  _ **Liv wants to personally take me? She must really like dad then.**_ I smiled and sat my phone down, waiting till the door rang to go on. It only took a little time, surprisingly, before I had to get up and go to the door. I crutched my way over, the door rang a second time before I got there.  _ **You know it takes me a minute Olivia, she usually isn't so impatient.**_ I had my hand on the door when it hit me, Olivia couldn't of made it here this quick if she just left dad's office... Then everything went wrong.

I had unlocked the door before my realization, and the door was opening. I couldn't push it shut before it flung open and sent me falling backwards. I rolled over and quickly took off as quickly as I could running towards the kitchen. Three men chasing me and grabbing me before I got to far, pulling me in as I screamed before they covered my mouth. 

"Hey mamí, thot ya could hide from us?" He whispered in my ear as I squirmed, "Papí aint bein nice to my boys now, Creo que tenemos que darle una lección(I think we need to teach him a lesson.)"

My eyes went wide and before I could even attempt to escape, a younger black man with a fade and a Latino with only half his hair shaved grabbed my button up blouse and pulled it open. Buttons went flying as they whistled in appreciation at my now revealed body and hands went to cup my bra as I tried to kick them away.

"No, no, no... Didn't ya papi teach ya not to hurt friends?" He teased in my ear and ii screame into his hand before the first slap broke the water works, "cállate perra, no queremos que nuestro tiempo se acorte ahora ¿verdad?(shut up bitch, we don't want our time cut short now do we?)"

 The black guy reached for my skirt, starting to lift it as the other was reaching for my bra with a knife out to cut it. Tears filled my eyes and my vision blurred.  _ **Anyone... Anyone please... The door is ajar and if anyone would come please, please help... The detail, a neighbor, Liv.... Please God get Liv here.**_ I whimpered and tried to kick the man lifting my skirt away, he just took my legs and reached for my panties. I swore I was done for. 

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I had pulled up to the curb and noticed the SUV for the detail was still there. Nothing to signal me, so as I got out I walked over and seen the back door ajar. A peak in the window showed two dead cops and I grabbed my gun and ran to the door as I pulled my phone.

"This is lieutenant Benson of SVU, i have two officers down and a possible hostage." She took a small breath before giving the address and putting her phone away before kicking the cracked front door open.

"cállate perra, no queremos que nuestro tiempo se acorte ahora ¿verdad?(shut up bitch, we don't want our time cut short now do we?)"

I moved back to the kitchen where I heard the voices gun pointed up and found three men attacking sax, "let her go."

The one guy spun her around to block him as the other two just stood there. I kept my gun pointed center towards sax, her shirt ripped open and bra half way cut off. Tears falling down her face and her body trying not to shake as the knife was held to her neck.

"Put the knife down."

"Put the gun down first chica." He challenged.

"Put the knife down and let her go. She didn't do anything to you."

"She has my boys in court. She isn't making it today... And papí needs to get cut down." He smirked, "ta gurl stay here."

"Let her go."

She was whimpering still as the man kicked her knee, "shut the fuck up!" 

The screaming in her ear made her cringe and pull, knocking him off balance. Before the knife could get her skin, I shot him in the head. Sax hit the floor and was scurrying towards me as one reached towards her and my gun went towards him. His hands quickly went up as sax curled up by my leg crying. This stand off lasted only a few more minutes before the lights and sirens filled the street. Two unis took them away to a squad car, I held sax as she was crying against my chest. I was trying to calm her down and text Rafael, but with court going he probably wouldn't see it. I sent a second text to fin knowing he was at court, I told him to pull Rafael.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

Collins had just finished the last set of questions she had, the judge turning to me to start cross when Carisi leaned over the banister and whispered in my ear, "call a recess now."

"What?" I whispered back.

"Mr. Barba?"

"One second your honor, " I turned towards Carisi, "why?"

"Liv needs you now, it's sax." He stopped and looked towards my phone.

I grabbed it and found the texts immediately. My heart lost rhythm and I almost broke down in tears as I struggled for words.

"Mr. Barba?" Barth asked again.

"I need a recess your honor." I looked up, "extenuating circumstances."

She nodded as Collins piped in, "Your honor, my clients have a right to a speedy trial."

"And I have an emergency." I slipped in as Barth granted recess till further notice.

Carisi was halfway out the door as I took off running. Amanda and fin must've collected my things, I wasn't worried at all about it. Carisi rushed me out to the waiting SUV with lights on as I pressed for information.

"What happened?"

"I don't know, Liv texted fin and told us to pull you from court. She didn't give details." He was swerving through traffic to get us there.

"Is alma ok?" I asked trying to dial Liv or Alma.

"No details at all, just get you home."

I was watching out the window as we pulled up to the scene, my heart falling. The detail was dead, door opened and a dozen or so cop cars. I hopped out before the vehicle stopped, Carisi struggling to catch up as I ran into what use to be my safe home.

"Alma! Mi Alma!" I yelled and received a squeak as the unis looked at me.

I quickly turned the corner past the bloody body in my kitchen and around the couch to find Liv holding Alma on the far wall. Her head lifted and she jumped up and tackled me with ripped clothes and a soaked face.

"Papa!" She squeezed me tight as I felt blood on her back, "they... They... He... Liv...."

Her shaking was almost to much as her face gave a small shine from her diamonds falling down to my pristine suit. I hugged her tighter, more for me then her.

"Shhhhhhhh... It's ok.Está bien( It's ok). I have you now, you're safe." I kissed her silky hair and looked at Liv as my own eyes teared up. 

I wanted answers, I needed to know what happened but couldn't find the words to say when Alma was a mess like this. I didn't know if hearing any of it would trigger her and I was pretty sure the blood couldn't be hers... Luckily Liv understood.

"She's fine. The EMTs did a quick check and she somewhat told me what happened. I shoot one of the perps that attacked her." She sighed, "you two might want some privacy. She isn't holding up well with all these cops here."

I swiped Alma off her feet and carried her down to her dance room, Liv following behind with Carisi. I opened the door to the side of the laundry room, sitting her down against the mirror wall. Liv and Carisi stepped in and shut the door as I sat down beside her, pulling her to my lap. She leaned against me, barely sniffling as I held her tight from the side so she could still see them. She pushed her hair out of her face and was trying to level her breathing.

"Alma, are you ok?" I asked and she nodded, "yeah papa, I'm fine."

"They need to ask you a few questions, is that ok?" I thumbed away a tear from her eye and she nodded as I looked up to ok it.

"Sax, can you tell us what happened?" Carisi asked.

"I had just gotten dad's text, I was about to turn off the TV when the door buzzed. I went to open it and I realized it couldn't be Liv if she just left, but before I could lock the door they pushed in." She was shaking softly so I squeezed her tighter as she went on, "I tried to run but they caught me in the kitchen and pinned me. One ripped my blouse open and the other started to lift my skirt. Their hands were on me and then I heard Liv come in. He whipped me around with a knife to my throat, the one they we're trying to cut my clothes off with. Then Liv tried to talk them down before shooting him."

"Your detail was killed, did you hear the shots?" Liv frowned.

"No. I was watching the untouchables, it was at the massacre scene. I probably didn't notice it because of the tv." She sighed.

"Ok, did they say anything to you?"

She tensed up, my arms tightened with her as I kissed her head, "it's ok Alma, they can't get to you. I won't let them."

She nodded, ""Hey mamí, thot ya could hide from us? Papí aint bein nice to my boys now, Creo que tenemos que darle una lección(I think we need to teach him a lesson.)...." I swallowed hard as she went on, "...No, no, no... Didn't ya papi teach ya not to hurt friends? He said that after I tried to kick them away. And cállate perra, no queremos que nuestro tiempo se acorte ahora ¿verdad?(shut up bitch, we don't want our time cut short now do we?)came after he slapped me for trying to scream."

"I'm sorry," Liv bent down, "is there anything else you can tell us?"

She shook her head. I rubbed her cheek softly as I seen the bruise starting to come out. The purple and blue streak on her cheek, small redden patch the resembled a hand. I tipped her better to look at the bruise, her eyes finding mine as her lips quivered.

"Ok, sure you don't want a paramedic to check?"

She nodded again, "I just want to change and get to court."

That got everyone's attention, "Alma, you won't be taking the stand today."

"Why not?" She looked confused.

"Because you were just attacked in our home. Trial is on recess, I don't plan on going back till tomorrow." I tried to explain but she shook her head furiously.

"No, no I need to. Daniel and Xena need me too. If I don't get up there and tell them then those monsters are back on the street." She was almost panicked, "this happened because of that. Because they didn't want me on the stand.... I have to get up there."

"Tomorrow Alma, I promise. Necesitas descansar niña, no puedo dejarte allí en este estado(You need rest baby girl, I can't put you up there in this state.)"

"Let me change and i'll be good." She pleaded, "I'm good papa."

"You were just assaulted and sexually harassed, estás corriendo con adrenalina y no puedo dejarte subir así. Si se cuelga en el soporte, no podrá mantenerlo unido.(your running on adrenaline and I can't let you go up there like that. If you crash on the stand you wouldn't be able to hold it together.)" I sighed, "it would be negligent to do so."

"Por favor, papá, tengo que hacer esto. Estaba nervioso anoche y esta mañana pero puedo manejarlo. Te juro que puedo(Please dad, I have to do this. I was nervous last night and this morning but I can handle it. I swear I can)."

"Alma I can't..." I was struggling to explain, "I can't, I can't..."

Liv patted my shoulder, "your testimony can be considered compromised."

"But... Pero tengo que(But I have to.)" She blinked back another tear.

"Tomorrow. I promise tomorrow we'll put you on the stand." I stroked her back, "besides they'll need you at the station for a recorded statement. So we can charge two of them."

She nodded reluctantly, sighing before hiding her face in my chest. Carisi stepped out and Liv patted my shoulder, her silent look she gives when she checks on me. I nodded and she left to go upstairs. IAB would be on scene by now and she needed to give her statement. I wish I could support her right now, but I was focused on Alma and she wouldn't let me even think about leaving Alma.

* * *

The night went quick, Liv was going to take us to a hotel but Noah wanted to see us. Stabler was pulling an all nighter on a separate case with Amaro, giving us room and the invitation. Alma packed a bag and limped down to the SUV with Liv. I was happy to see her not using the crutch so I didn't say anything, just grabbed my small bag and followed her out. We would have police on our house why they process it and hopefully tomorrow we could get it cleaned, but a second detail was sitting outside Liv's apartment while we were there. I rode upfront with Liv and noticed Alma was distracted the whole drive. The only time I seen the girl I knew was when we walked in and Noah tackled her.

"Saxon!"

"Hey little dude." She chuckled.

"Hey sweet boy, I thought you might want a buddy to bunk with tonight." Liv smiled before thanking Lucy and motioning me into the living room.

"Uncle Rafa." Noah tackled me next.

"Hey Noah." I smiled as he went back to Saxon, pulling her to his bedroom to show her around.

I stood with my small bag a moment, feeling awkward. I've been here hundreds of times but never with a bag and never staying the night... And absolutely never after having gone on dates. This was new territory, how does one act when a very new significant other is staying over and it's way to soon for that kinda intimacy. I was confused if I could do anything seeing as my feet wouldn't move.

"Rafa, are you ok?" Liv walked over to me and took my bag.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"You've been here before, you know your way." She teased.

She walked in and sat my bag down beside the kitchen counter. She picked up some toys and straightened the place up a little as she made her way to the couch to sit. 

"Noah is showing sax everything he owns and getting her situated in his room, I think he plans on sharing his bed with her too." She chuckled, "I think she'll go crazy before midnight."

I was still standing there before her voice came again, this time it warned my full attention, "if you feel uncomfortable, I'm sure wouldn't mind you guys getting a hotel still."

"No this is really kind of you. Noah and Saxon are happy..."

"But your not?" She finished.

"I just... I don't know what to do." I found my feet finally moving and me sitting on the couch down the way from her.

"About?"

"About Alma, or the case, or..."

"Us?" She finished and I looked down, "your staying here for a night. Nothing needs to happen."

"I know but, it's all new territory. Everything at once is just a little hard." I looked up, "Stabler out for the night?"

"All night on the Burgess case. He's working on finding a place still." She shifted to put her leg under her, "I doubt he will find one close."

"So I guess I'll take his bed." I looked at the couch and she smiled.

"If you want," she got up and picked up her phone, "I'm calling for a pizza. Maybe you should check on sax."

The rest of the night went easy, after pizza we all laid down. Sax laid down opposite end of the bed from Noah, the two out cold quickly. I thought about how great they would be as siblings. Liv went back to her bed and I struggled to sleep on the couch for an hour or so before I heard footsteps.

"You ok Alma?" I asked to the dark room waiting for my daughter to hug me tight.

"I think she's still out cold." Liv spoke as she walked over by the couch, "are you going to be stubborn and try to finish the night on the couch old man?"

I glared at the darkness above me but caved only a few seconds later, "what other option do I have?"

"My bed." She replied, "we're adults and don't need to rush it but I don't think you'll sleep on a couch well either."

She was right, my back was hurting and all I wanted to do was lay in a bed. No words given I got up and followed her back after she got a small glass of water. We laid down facing away from each other, breathing easy. This lasted a few minutes I turned to face her and she followed my lead. I leaned in and kissed her, one hand holding her cheek as she reciprocated, deepening it further. She pulled me in and before I knew it... I did something I haven't done in a long time. Liv and me skin to skin and then out cold right after. One of the most peaceful nights I had in days.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

The next morning me and Noah made breakfast for everyone. I looked at the couch and found it empty, my lips curling up and not completely because Noah was wearing half the French toast batter. While he was setting the counter top up, I went back and knocked on the door. A small scuffle and I couldn't hide my reddening cheeks but did surpress the chuckle. I just held a smile as the door opened and dad walked out of the room first.

He gave me a look, "what?"

"Y no estabas seguro de pasar la noche.(And you weren't sure about spending the Night.)" I turned and walked away as he rubbed his neck.

I turned around and held out my fist but he didn't leave me hanging. He bumped my fist as Liv came out and gave Noah a hug at the counter.

"Thanks for breakfast you two." Liv smiled and took her plate.

"And thank you for letting us stay the night." I smiled and winked at my dad who didn't want to look at me. 

_**As if I never thought you did that. And you think im still the child?** _


	15. Taking a stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax takes the stand

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

After breakfast, Liv let me get ready first before her and sax got ready. I had to go to an early meeting with McCoy, he wanted to be kept up to date on the trial and after the sudden recess before noon... He wanted answers. I kissed Alma on the forehead, promising to see her before court, and running off. I made it in to the conference room, sitting down the briefcase as Carmen stopped in to take my coat and hand me the main file that I had forgotten in my mad dash home yesterday. She wished me luck and left me alone for the two minutes it took McCoy to get here. 

He stepped in and sat down across from where I had started to sit, "good morning Rafael."

"Jack." I nodded, "I guess you heard about yesterday."

"I understand you had an emergency." He sighed, "I'm not asking you here to penalize you. I just want an update and a little conversation."

I nodded more for myself than to acknowledge him, "of course."

I opened the file and the small set of notes I had before I was trying to go to bed, sifting through trying to figure out what last he heard. It took a moment, but the coffee in front of me did sooth my nerves as he waited patiently sipping his mug.

"I have already put up all of SVU, the M.E., and only have two victims to go...."

"Two?" He asked.

"Yes. Daniel Barnes and Saxon D'onofrio, Xena Davids is to broken to put on the stand. She wouldn't hold up on cross if she could even get into the room with her attackers."

"Your daughter is ok to take that stand?" He looked up at me as I pushed him over the updated file with the new charges added for the secondary crime from yesterday.

"She is."

He watched me for a second, "family is never easy Rafael. If you need to step back, you can. I can have a new ADA in here in minutes working with you so you can watch from the peanut gallery."

"No, I can't. I promised her I would stay on this and protect her." I locked eyes with him, "I already failed to protect her in our home, I have to protect her on that stand. Show her she's safe, anywhere she goes."

"Ok." He finished his cup, "which reminds me, how is she? I didn't get many details."

"Three member of the gang I am prosecuting killed two police officers and attempted to assault her. Lieutenant Benson was picking her up for court and saved her." I rubbed my neck, "She wants to take the stand and burry them. Hopefully it will heal the rest of her problems."

"Good luck Rafael." He gave a small smirk as he got up to walk out, "keep me updated."

With McCoy now out of the room, I felt the tension drain off me. A small moment to bring myself back down to earth was given before I went back to my office. Carmen was waiting with my second coffee of the day, switching out paperwork and given me the main forms to sign. No messages luckily, and as she was walking out of the office Liv and Alma was walking in. I smiled softly at the sight of Alma limping in, no crutch. I quickly stood up and held out the chair for her to sit in.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine papa, still getting use to pressure on my ankle." She kissed my cheek.

"That's good." I sighed and hugged her softly from behind as Liv looked at us, "what?"

"You two really look alike. I can't believe I never seen it before." Liv had that half smile I loved, "you want to tell him now?"

"Tell me what?" I asked as I sat on my desk looking down to Alma then over to Liv and back.

"I got a call from juilliard today, the play is set for this Friday. You know, if court is over by then." She had a small pink blush on her tan cheeks, "minus Xena and a last minute switch for Daniel since he won't be off crutches for a while... I'm still leading."

"So my early ticket seat is still good? Because I can't miss mi Alma's first show on Broadway." I could only imagine the look I held, all I felt was proud and excited that her dream isn't over. **_She still has a chance._**

"How was your meeting?" Liv asked as she sat down in her chair.

"Good. Everything is on track and I have the full support of the DA's office." 

"That sounded fake." Alma frowned.

"It's fine Alma,no te preocupes por pequeños detalles(don't worry about such small details.)" I looked to Liv again, "is the detail ready?"

"Stabler and Amaro are going to be with her the whole time till she takes the stand."

"Good... Daniel will go first and then you'll be the last prosecution witness." I nudge her with my foot, "Remember what I said the other day?"

"Speak clearly, listen carefully, and trust your word. You'll object when you can and defend me the best you can even though I don't need a body guard on the stand and the judge won't let you sit with me." She snarked, "and no attitude."

"Right, because that little answer would lose jurors. Snark and deflection only raises flags and doubt. Be truthful." I heard the footsteps as Elliot and Nick came into view almost at my door, "and behave for the detectives."

"I'm not three dad and I'm injured, what trouble can I cause." She rolled her eyes as Liv waved them in.

"Saxon, you remember detective Amaro." Liv pause for Alma to nod, "and detective Stabler."

She waved at them as I looked to them. They didn't look to happy, baby sitting detail at the courthouse. If it wasn't for the attack yesterday, I could've used simple security and been happy. But with yesterday fresh in my mind, she was getting SVU detectives and I was t letting her out of my eye without them. 

"Ok, I have to get to court." I turned to Alma, "since you are second today, you have an hour estimated."

"Ok papa." She rolled her eyes, "I'll be there when you call my name."

I got up and grabbed my brief case, a tiny peck on her head, "you'll do great, just be yourself.... Be mi alma."

"Por siempre y para siempre(Forever and always.)" Alma smiled as I left and I heard Liv talking to all of them.

I wasn't prepared enough for this, but how could I be? I just needed to push through and remind myself why I'm doing this... To remind me of that beautiful girl I promised to help put on Broadway and how it got delayed due to these men. How my baby girl is limping and all the tears she has shed in the past few weeks due to these monsters. I need to put them away to show her I was still her favorite superhero.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I sat in my dad's chair as he left, looking at the two new detectives. I remember Stabler from the short talk with Liv before and Amaro was one of the then at the crime scene trying to get me to open up... Both of them was watching her perform on those videos they were watching. Liv had to of noticed my tension, she sat across from me and smiled.

"You'll do great. Your dad will protect you the best he can." 

"We never really got to practice... I broke after a few questions and didn't let him finish." I know I looked worried, "i'm going to do horrible. My dad would be horrible on the other side of the table, I can't do better then him."

"You don't need to do better then him, you need to be you." She smiled faintly before getting up, "I'll be in the court room. Look for me if you need to."

I nodded and watched her leave, the tension sitting squarely on my shoulders. Their pep talk was already leaving my head, my dad and Liv weren't the ones taking the stand. I barely could think straight, then I heard another voice.

"You're still nervous."

I looked up to see the two men, "wouldn't you be?"

"It's different when you're a witness compared to a cop." Amaro smiled softly, "but it's always hard the first time."

"How did I know you would say that." I quipped.

"Because You're just like your dad." Stabler watched me, "you'll do fine. Trust me, after a few questions, you'll be fine."

I nodded and looked down as they sighed. For the next half hour, it was silent. They didn't pep talk me and when I said I wanted to go down, they helped me down. Luckily it was only a few minutes till the door opened and I would go in. Both men standing by where I sat.

"Don't be scared, don't hold back. When you're on that stand, you have to be yourself and do this for you." Amaro stood in front of me, "if you do this for someone else, you're not going to get through this."

I nodded and shook my hands out, the same as I do with my nerves before a performance. Shake them off, get rid of them. They both watched but I was blocking it out, if I thought I could do it without falling or hurting myself, I would've did a small turn to center myself. Instead I smoothed out my soft dress, a simple midnight blue cotton dress with a pair of flats. My hair loose but rolled over my shoulder and a deep breath moved the small heart locket my grandma and great grandmother gave me. The door opened and both men looked at it, I went in first and they followed and sat with Liv and the rest of the squad.

 I took my seat by the judge in the small box, the bailiff swearing me in. I was looking ahead to my dad, the same look of confusion I had that he was trying to hide. He took a sip of water and stood up, buttoning his jacket and smoothing his tie as he looked up to me.

"Is it ok if I address you as Saxon?" He asked and I nodded, "Saxon, can you tell me about what happened the other day?"

"I was driving with my friend..."

He interrupted, "Daniel Barnes?"

"Yes, and we were pulling out of a parking lot through a small alley when we ran into a group of men attacking a girl."

"Did you recognize the girl?"

"Yes, Xena Davids. She goes to school with me." I let my hands play with my skirt.

"What were they doing?" He asked and looked towards the jury.

"One was holding her down, one was on top of her, and two were blocking us from continuing and threatening us."

"What did they say?" He turned to look at me after a small second of me taking a deep breath.

"It wasn't words as much actions. They were try to intimidate us and when Daniel told them to get off of her they moved towards us."

"What happened next?" He asked and watched as I was zoning out.

Every emotion hit me, I could see it like it was minutes ago. The way they looked, talked, moved. I was feeling that small bit of fear creep up inside me.

"are you ok?" My dad was looking at me along with everyone in the room, then I glanced at Amaro and Stabler.  _ **Do it for yourself.**_

"Yes sorry," I sighed, "I got back in the car because one asked me if I wanted to party and I felt scared. I locked the doors as Daniel shut his still on the outside of the car."

"What happened next Saxon?" He watched me a moment as I looked back at him, "they knocked Daniel to the ground and after a small struggle, penetrated him with a gun. They were both bleeding and I feared for my life, so I hid in the backseat as two of them tried to bust through the glass and grab me."

"Who was on top of Xena?"

"Him." I pointed to the one in the middle of the table, dad put it on the record.

"Who was on Daniel?"

I pointed to the next one and he noted it on the record.

"What two attacked you in the car?"

I pointed to the final two, he put them on the record and moved on.

"What happened while you were trying to hide in the back seat and stay away from these men?" He walked over towards the defense table slightly to stare them down.

"I called 9-1-1."

"Prosecution would like to enter exhibit D, 9-1-1 audio." He turned towards the tv and hit a button on the remote, the call being played as I struggled to keep myself from letting my nerves win.

> "9-1-1 what is your emergency?"
> 
> "I'm being attacked. Two people are unconscious in the alley and four guys are trying to get me. I'm locked in a car." 

Soft crying was crackling the line as I heard broken glass. The faint scuffle of sliding on leather seats and my own breath growing erratic as i heard a scuffle and then my screams.

> "no! Get off me!"
> 
> "Come here little girl."

It was faint, but I could hear it. Around my screams and crying, there was a voice that definitely wasn't me or the operator.

> "Ma'am, are you ok? Are you in a safe place?"

There was more broken glass and a laugh as the crying continued. 

> "We have police on the way. Stay on the line..... Talk to me, tell me your ok."

More crying and screams as i heard panting and soft voices i couldn't make out. Then the siren and nothing else but my crying.

The court room went silent, many jurors looking down. They couldn't look at me after that audio, not that I could've either. Dad shut off the audio and turned back to me.

"Was that your voice on the recording?"

"Yes."

"And that was the call you made while you were being attacked?"

"Yes." I closed my eyes as my own screams echoed in my head.

"Thank you," he sighed, "nothing further."

Dad sat down, unbuttoning his jacket and fixing his tie. The other lady stood up. Medium blonde hair in a bob style, a well pressed skirt suit that would be my dad's if he was a woman. She looked good, but I knew she was bad Because she was defending them.

"Ms. Barba, or do you prefer Ms. D'onofrio?"

"Saxon Is fine."

"Ok, Saxon, what were you doing there that night?" She approached slowly and I was regretting not looking away.

"I had just finished an all day rehearsal for my school's musical." I kept eye contact with her.

"What school is that?"

"Objection." Dad looked to the judge, she gave leeway.

"Juilliard." I adjusted myself in my seat.

"Wow, a very prestigious school. What do you study?"

"I study theater." I looked towards the jury and then towards dad, "Acting, singing, dancing, and even playing musical instruments."

"Wow, that is amazing." She looked towards the jury and slowly looked back to me, "that must cost a lot of money. How can you and your dad afford that and owning a brownstone?"

"Objection!" Dad stood up.

"Goes to motive your honor." Collins replied and the judge allowed, "How can you afford that?"

"I am on scholarship. Full ride." I looked at dad, a bad feeling creeping in as I think I figured out the 'motive' she was talking about.

"And you're in your junior year?"

"Technically no, I have been studying for just shy of two years in a up to six year study set."

"So you depend on this scholarship for your schooling?" She tipped her head and my dad bit his lip to hide the glare he wanted to send to her.

"To a point, yes." I shifted, she was making me uncomfortable... Even more then the eyes on me.

"Rehearsal for your musical ended over an hour before you left though?" 

"There was an after party for the cast. I didn't stay the whole time." 

"Why was that?" She had a small smirk, I was about to give her a little foot room in the door closing on her clients.

"I got in a fight." I blinked.

"A fight? I have witnesses say you assaulted a cast mate."

"Objection! The witness isn't on trial." Dad lept to his feet on that one.

"Motive your honor, the fight could jeopardize her scholarship." Collins argued and dad glared.

"Approach the bench," the judge called then up and I seen my dad walk with a clear determination.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I walked up to Barth with Collins beside me. She didn't look pleased, I couldn't blame her.

"Ms. Collins, where is this going?"

"I have a witness I would like to call, the young man she assaulted. Her scholarship is in jeopardy and the only reason they aren't addressing it is this alleged 'rape and assault' that is in court now." She addressed.

"I have a woman that is to emotionally damaged to take the stand even if she could get around good enough to get in here. A young man that was severe scaring and a skull fracture. Both showing clear signs of rape. And She had a severe fracture on her ankle and cuts all the way up her leg from broken glass." I looked at Barth, "it is ridiculous to even think they staged this to protect her scholarship."

"The court is in recess, councilors my Chambers."

Barth stood and we followed her back as the jury was removed and Alma moved to sit by Liv. I wanted to comfort her because I seen the look of fear in her eyes, she wasn't going to make it much further without snapping. Even less so if she touched the crime in the slightest. Once the door was shut, Barth didn't have the stenographer in the room.

"So your defense is this attack was made up to protect her scholarship?" Barth didn't look amused.

"Seeing as she would be out of the school, yes. Her dad here probably even helped."

"I beg your pardon?" I looked at her, "my daughter and mine personal life isn't your concern. It has nothing to do with the crime."

"It was just perfectly timed, this 'attack'." She finger quoted the word.

"Are you calling my daughter a lier?" I had a fist to my side that I was using to lean on the desk.

"Yes." She shrugged.

"Stop right there." Barth cut me off from snapping, "Ms. Collins, I need more evidence before I will allow this questioning."

"What kind of evidence? I can get a confession on the stand and put up a dozen witnesses to the fight."

"My daughter has already scheduled a hearing with juilliard, this fight isn't a court matter and never reported as an assault. As it stands it is irrelevant and unable to be proven in a court setting."

"I will not allow this here say in my court room." Barth cut me off, "This questioning isnt allowed."

"I request a small continuence for the defense, enough time to look into these claims," Collins motioned, "say 24 hours."

"Granted. If you don't find it by then, it is done. Agreed councilor?"

"Yes your honor." She smiled, "thank you."

She left the office and a second officer of the court cleared the courtroom. I looked at Barth and she sat down with a sigh.

"I'm sorry for what happened to your daughter Mr. Barba, I doubt you or she would do such a thing..."

"I know, you had to give her the chance."

"Go check on her, she needs her dad." 

I nodded and thanked her before walking out to find the squad and Alma in the hall. She looked at me, her wounded eyes locking in me as I wrapped my arms around her.

"You did good.... (Don't let her get to you. You are doing great.)" I whispered and kissed her head as Collins walked by with her aid.

"She isn't..." Alma stopped half way and let it hang, I could only nod.

"This is ridiculous." Liv shook her head, "what are we looking at?"

"Twenty-four hours for Collins to pry into mine and Alma's life, digging up anything she can."

She sniffled and hid her face for a second. Liv sent everyone off to work and when they were gone, turned back to us.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm taking Alma home, I can work from there." I sighed, "we'll have a quiet day. Some alone time and hopefully a little practice so I know she'll be more comfortable on the stand."

"Ok, I'll drive you home. A new detail will be over within the hour."

She helped us out and drove us home, leaving once I opened the door. Everything was untouched from the attack in the kitchen and I seen Alma falter. She wanted to run so I laid her down on the couch and got a movie going before starting to clean the kitchen as I made food. Mami was over after she was done at the school and helped me make the kitchen look like before, both of us silently watching the couch and the once little girl we loved.  _ **She isn't ok... She isn't ready.**_ even with that thought, I couldn't find a voice or a way to go in there and fix it. I feel like a failure and Mami couldn't help us both... So she tried to help Alma and I stood by watching.  ** _What can I do now?_**


	16. You'll always be my baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Court starts up after a day off, sax starts on the stand.  
> Sax gets a call from juilliard.  
> 

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

My day off from court wasn't helpful. Abuelita cooked and tried to cheer me up, it didn't work but she kept trying. Dad did a little work and when she finally left, he cuddled up with me on the couch and never spoke a word. It was comforting and terrifying, I felt like I was disgracing him. He was always such a good lawyer and strong with his decisions.... And here I was, the girl that couldn't even keep it together on the stand. They were winning... Because of me. My dad wouldn't admit it, but it was the truth. Everything was good until I got on the stand.

"Alma, it's getting late. You should rest for a while before court tomorrow." He smiled softly and kissed my head, "get some sleep."

"Yeah papa." I closed my eyes and started to get up and walk upstairs.

I was still limping, my ankle threatened to roll on every step. I felt his eyes the whole way out of sight, he was worried.  ** _Don't worry about the screw up dad, I'll be fine._** I laid down and went to bed, struggling for a while but pretending when dad peeked in the doorway.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I watched her go to the steps, praying she didn't fall or hurt herself. She was finally putting pressure on it, one twist and she'll cling to the crutches. But I couldn't force my feet to move, my thoughts weighing me down. From what Carmen was given, they had no evidence but that didn't mean the cross would be over. Collins could still put Alma up there. I finally got up and went to my bed, stopping to glance in at Alma sleeping.  _ **She's not ready.... Not even close.**_ I laid down in my bed, for the first time in a long time I felt alone. 

The next morning I get up and I ride with Alma to work, praying she didn't feel bad. she was dressed nicely, much like I always taught her too. We went to my office and would meet Liv there soon, she was coming to sit with Alma until we get word on if she would have to retake the stand. I could tell she was nervous, she had those nervous jitters. I was about to ask when her phone rang.

"Hello?" She slowly dropped her face, I seen her swallow hard and nod, "um... Yes. I understand."

I tipped my head as she started to tear up.

"Yes of course. It's the rules." She let a tear roll over her cheek and I started to walk over to her, "yes... Thank you."

She hung up and broke down crying as I walked over and hugged her. I wrapped my arms around her and hummed into her ear,  trying to sooth her. Liv came in at this moment when Alma decided to speak.

"I-i-i-i-i'mmmm suspended." She sniffled, "that stupid bitch called the school and was digging around. She threatened an lawsuit if they didn't follow student code."

"It's ok... It's ok..." I tried as I seen Liv step in and shut the door.

"It's not!" She whimpered I to my chest and pounded against it, "Estoy suspendido por dos semanas al menos dependiendo de cuánto dure esta prueba!(I'm suspended for two weeks at least depending on how long this trial lasts!) I am removed from the show and my transcript is frozen but my grades will only drop because I can't attend class until the put me through a school committee hearing. Me van a convertir en el cordero sacrificado ... Nunca lo lograré.(They're going to make me the sacrificial lamb.... I'll never make it.)" 

I squeezed her tight, knowing this was only the beginning of the war now. Collins went after Alma and I wasn't able to help. Now she is in pieces crying in my office because juilliard was suspending her and taking away her first Broadway performance... If she was expelled she wouldn't be able to pull herself together to even attempt to move on with her dream, the only dream she ever had. I looked at Liv, and tried to calm the broken teenager.

"Everything will be ok. One thing at a time Alma. Focus on court and then we'll fix the school." I leaned her back enough to wipe her face and push some hair from her face as her clean and well primped hair and shirt were now rattled, "Nadie te quita tu sueño. No puede llevarte hacia abajo(No one is taking your dream from you. No can pull you down.)"

She glanced at Liv and started to sniffle again, I kissed her head, "Liv will take you to change and bring you back. I have clothes here and can hold court till you're back. De acuerdo(Ok?)"

She nodded and let Liv help her up and drive her home to change. I quickly switched shirts and ties, double checking in my small mirror as Carmen came in to give me the files. I was going to see Barth, hoping that she would deny the continuation of her questioning and Collins wouldn't put Alma up there again. After that call she wasn't going to make it, Collins won the battle. Alma was broken and I was going to piece her back together, I was going to show Collins just what kind of enemy I could be. With a little luck, I could have half my old life, and just maybe a little of a new one.

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I drove sax back to her brownstone, parking and walking in with her. She went up stairs limping still, it took her a good twenty minutes so I went to check on her. 

"Sax, you ready?" I knocked on her door.

"Almost, come in." 

I opened the door and took a look at her.  _ **She is her father's daughter.**_ Standing before me in a knee length blue and red polk-a-dot dress, hair in small curles instead of the ponytail she had before, and a pair of flats that matched her small well tailored jacket.  ** _Fashion sense is genetic apparently._** She turned to me and I noticed she fixed her slightly runny make-up.

"Sorry, dad always says make sure you feel good in your clothes before going to court. An outfit can break you in seconds." She smiled softly and started over towards me.

"No wonder your dad always wear those suits." I smirked as she giggled.

"I thought those were more for you." She walked with me out to the car.

"Really?" 

"Yeah," she slipped in the passenger seat, "my dad is a man of many words.... Not one that he can find to ask you out but plenty to tell me how he wants to."

"That's why you made the move for him." I smiled, turning the key and driving on.

"Of course, I love my dad. I just want him to be happy."

She was looking out the window. I wanted to ask how she felt, talk to her about anything she needed to talk about. I wanted her to open up to me about something that wasn't her dad, I was already sold on him. I wanted to know her. The daughter of Rafael Barba that he never told anyone about because he wanted her to be safe and never find out that her mother didn't want her. She was so much like her father it was unreal, and hearing her say she could lose her dream because of this trial was devastating. Watching her in tears as he held her struggling to stay strong for him. I wanted to me the rock for her and her father.

"Sax, you sure your ok?"

"You heard the call I take it?" She wiped her nose.

"I heard you talking to your dad, that's rough."

"The school was holding off till after the trial, they were going to do a one day hearing and I would be good to stay the lead in the musical. Collins called and dug around, now I'm suspended with my grades slowly tanking because I can't step foot on the grounds if I wanted to." She looked over, "I'm going to loose my scholarship."

"They can't have the hearing conflicting with court?"

"Within two weeks of court if they go by the book."

"You really did punch that kid?" I looked at her and she nodded.

"I sat on his chest and kept hitting him till he was barely able to see straight." She looked at me, "But he didn't just pick on me, she also brought up my mom."

"What did he say?"

"After calling me a goodie-two shoes for not wanting to drink underage and saying he should roofie me to loosen me up, he spit in my water and handed it back to me." She looked down at her feet, "I asked what the hell his problem was and he said, and I quote, 'Oops, she just said the H word... Better call her mommy.'... I just snapped."

"You snapped?" I asked.

"Yeah. I'm assuming dad explained the whole mom thing.... I snap when people bring up my mom like that." She looked over, "I didn't know her but that doesn't mean she isn't still my mother. She gave birth to me and never got to see me grow or become anything... I only ever had my dad and I think I flip more when someone hurts him."

I nodded, "you're just protecting your family. I use to be the same." 

That got her attention, "really?"

"I don't know what your dad has told you but, my dad raped my mother... She kept me and he never tried to contact me but he did keep tabs on me. I can't say I really defended him much after learning that fact but, he was my father and I wanted to know him."

"Did you? I mean, did you ever meet him?"

"No. He died before I could find him." She looked a little disappointed with my answer, "but he did have another family and I met my stepbrother."

"Not as fulfilling." She sighed, "I met a friend of my mom's before. I never told my dad about it but when I was out shopping with my abuelita, this lady caught me on the street. I was only ten and she swore I was this girl named crystal. I shook it off and pulled away from her and went to find my abuelita. A few weeks later, dad was going through some of the old things and I seen my mom's mug shot, Emily 'crystal' D'onofrio. It clicked in my head and I went back to that street shop a week later trying to find her."

"You never told your dad?"

"No. He gets protective and if I said one of mom's old friends mistakes me for her, he would've been keeping me home or trying to find her to make sure she wouldn't again." We we're starting to park and she turned to me, "I have to ask, why'd you chose to be a cop?"

I was taken back, "I wanted to help people."

She nodded, "I might be sixteen but that doesn't make me dumb. That's a generic answer."

She got out and I walked her up to the room and sent raf a quick text that she was ready. Part of me wasn't sure if she was and the other part of me was still trying to figure out her last question.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was by the door waiting, closing my eyes as I smoothed out the dress and Shakey my hands and feet out a little,  ** _Nervous energy needs to go. You are a rock, she can not break you..._** The door opened as my name was being called back to the stand.  _ **Shoot me down, but I will not fall.**_ One step at a time, strong and steady I went to the stand and took my seat. Collins stood and approached, but I was ready. I could handle this.

"Ms. Barba, the other day you said that you were a straight a scholarship student at juilliard. Is that correct?"

"Yes." I nodded.

"What are your expectations and requirements to keep your scholarship?"

"The usual, maintain a good GPA... Follow student code, attend classes." I shrugged, "the same as any school."

"Would you please read the highlighted section of the student code of conduct/scholarship requirements." She handed me the book.

I held it in my hands and took a breath before reading the section she asked, "All students are required to maintain the high expectations of our morals code. All fighting and physical interaction will result in immediate suspension and a student hearing held by peers and teachers. A discipline will be then given including suspension, infraction, and or expulsion."

"You signed and agreed to these morals?"

"Yes."

"You then got into a physical altercation with another student?"

"Yes but not..." She cut me off from speaking.

"When was your hearing?"

"I didn't have one."

"Why?" She looked at the jury and was playing it up.

"Because the police were investigating a crime and I was a witness and victim to said crime. They gave leeway till the court case would settle." 

"Were you on suspension?"

"No, I was injured and taking time off to heal and help the police. They didn't suspended me because I was already taking the time off." I closed my eyes,  _ **please.... Please don't.**_

"So the school just let you bend the rules?" She shrugged, "that doesn't seem fair. It also seems a little too coincidental that you could attack a fellow student and then only a short time later witness a rape."

"Objection!" Dad stood and she turned to him.

"Also her father shouldn't be prosecuting the case." Collins pushed on.

"Objection!" 

"Mrs. Collins, sit down!" Barth ordered as I felt the tears start. 

I was on the verge of breaking and as Barth was calling a recess I fell hard. She called a recess and I was starting to stand and walk out to the hall where Liv and Carisi stood with Amaro. Dad was talking to the judge and grabbing his things as Collins came out with a smile to Micheal, my arch nemesis. He smirked and made a comment about me being a felon, only for Collins to whisper something and Micheal push the envelope.

"How do we know she didn't set it up? A whore like her mom would know people."

I felt the stab in heart and the dam broke. I couldn't look over but I heard him continue as Carisi and Amaro was demanding the councilor take her witness elsewhere. I couldn't wait and took off running as Liv went to comfort me, I didn't even look back. Running as fast as I could, right to my dad's office and tucking under his desk to hide. Tears blurring my vision and my throat going dry as I tried to stay as quiet as possible.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I heard the small scuffle and then Carisi and Amaro speaking over a third voice yelling. I quickly rushed out as Liv was halfway down the hall and they were looking between me and a young man that Collins was pushing away. Carisi pointed to Liv as they made sure the attorney and her witness left the hall. I turned to Liv and she was panting.

"Sax, she ran off." She huffed out as I got close.

"What happened?"

"Collins brought her witness over to talk to her and said something that got him rilled up. He made a few comments about her mom and sax just took off." She shook her head, "I couldn't keep up."

"Which way did she go?" 

"Stairs." She pointed, "I thought it was better to give her room."

"Yeah... I got her. Get the video footage and get it to Barth." I turned to start towards my office, "maybe I can get Collins off the case and off my daughter."

I rushed up the steps to my office, I knew where she would hide. The whole time she was growing up, when she felt bad and couldn't stop crying... When she wanted me and I wasn't there, she went to my home office and curled up under the desk. The tight space gave her the comfort of my embrace and it was quiet and 'smelt like dad'. Sometimes after a rough day I still find her there, curled up and waiting on me to find her and pull her out. So I went up there and bent down behind my desk, watching my girl tucked in curled up tight sniffling.

"Mi alma, no llores ... Ese chico estúpido no merece tu tiempo o tus lágrimas. Él es solo un matón(My soul, don't cry... That stupid boy doesn't deserve your time or tears. He's just a bully.)" I reached a hand out and slowly looped her and pulled her to me, "don't waste tears on such a fool."

"It's not him, it's everything! Voy a ser expulsado y perder mi sueño, y Collins me hará ver como que configuré esto. Te pongo en duda y yo soy ... yo-yo-yo-yo-yo'mmmm ... soy un fracaso. Soy una pena papá.(I'm going to get expelled and lose my dream, and Collins making me look like I set this up. Calling you into question and I'm...i-i-i-i-i'mmmm... I'm a failure. I'm a shame daddy.)" She balled through the speech, breaking my heart more.

"Your not a disgrace, I'm proud of you. I'm always proud of my baby." I kissed her dark golden locks.

"I am! I am a disgrace and a fool and worthless. I'm just a failure and a screw up."

"No your not." I squeezed her tight to my chest as I leaned us against the book shelves behind us, "I never think of you as that. You'll be a star one day, a huge name. You'll be anything you want baby, alma mía, tus lágrimas me duelen, por favor detente.(my soul, your tears hurt me please stop.)"

She hid her face in my chest, I held her tighter and was holding back tears as she broke, "I'm pathetic... Don't waist your time on me."

I pulled her head up to look at me, "In the sunlight or the rain, Brightest nights or darkest days, I'll always feel the same way. Whatever road you may be on, Know you're never too far gone. My love is there wherever you may be.... Just remember that you'll always be my baby."

She sniffle and wiggled her nose as I kissed it and wipe her tears away, "you're not a screw up, you are not worthless...don't doubt yourself. And never think for a second that I don't love you more then anything in this world. Tú eres mi alma, por siempre y para siempre(You are my soul, forever and always.)"

"Forever and always papa." She sniffled and buried her face in my chest again as I seen Liv stop at the door.

I seen her almost tear up, I just looked at her begging. For what, I didn't know. She couldn't take back all this pain and trouble. She couldn't throw this case out or retry it. She couldn't piece Alma back together.... **_She was just a woman that was here to play my rock,  be there for me._ ** Then I seen her step in and bend down by us, her hand smoothing her back as she turned and hugged her.  _ **I was wrong, she was here for us. She cared for Alma too.**_ She slowly got her to stand, brushing her hair back and smiling at her.

"I became a cop to help the people like me, the ones that needed guildance and help at their darkest moments. I want to help everyone see through the clouds." She smiled and straightened her coat, "I just wanted a normal life and for just one person to tell me could get it."

I was watching a little amazed as Alma hugged her, "you can't Liv, me and papa aren't that normal."

I smiled softly at the sight before they both offered me a hand and pulled me up into a hug. If this was what a family felt like, I have been raising Alma wrong since the beginning. There was a gap without a mother figure, one like Liv. I was also missing the woman that would be there for me no matter what at home.... Liv could fit that too.

"You know, you run pretty well on that ankle." Liv motioned down at Alma's ankle.

She nodded and blushed, "I guess I do. Now if only I could get rid of that limp."

The both chuckled and I felt like I was watching a dream of mine in real life.

"Don't let this one go." Alma chuckled and kissed my cheek, "ella es la madre que siempre quisiste para mí(she's the mom you always wanted for me.)"

She smiled and I couldn't stop myself, I pulled Liv in for a kiss as Alma shook her head. I only pulled back when we heard footsteps and seen Carisi and Amaro standing there. She scratched her neck and looked towards them.

"Give us a moment." She watch them both smile and walk out with a 'sure lieu' and smiles on their faces.

I looked at her and couldn't hide the red on my cheeks, my saving grace as usual was Alma wiping lip stick from the corner of my lips, "maybe I should go."

I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back in hugging her and whispered, "i'm always proud of you... Never forget that."

She nodded and kissed my cheek before walking out and asking them to drive her home. I was left alone with Liv after that very out of the blue kiss and I couldn't find words. She didn't look much better at the moment so she pulled me in and kissed me.  _ **She makes me speechless, she can hold her own with Alma... Maybe I am in love.**_


	17. Unorthodox and intrusive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raf gets cutthroat in an attempt to get Collins off the case.  
> Sax tries to move up her school hearing.
> 
> Sorry it's really short. Really really short.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I walked into Barth's Chambers, a tablet in hand with evidence to hopefully get rid of  councilor Collins. I wasn't going to sit back and let her destroy my family to win a case, I wasn't letting her break my sweet Alma. 

"Ah, Mr. Barba..." Barth smiled softly as I walked in, "what do you have?"

"Collins crossed the line. She went way to far." I handed her the tablet and she looked from me to the tablet. 

"This is unorthodox but..." She stopped and dropped her head, "this can't be real."

"I found that this morning." I glared, "this trial is running away every second she gets to stand out there and do this."

She nodded and handed back the tablet, "this is definitely unorthodox and intrusive of your life. It's borderline dismissive."

"Declare a mistrial and let us re-try with a different defense. Even if I hand it off, Collins has stepped to far over the line."

She nodded, "I need to look over this some more. I want you and Collins in my Chambers at ten."

I left her Chambers and found Liv as I got off at my floor. She walked with me to my office, I had the tablet in hand with the article up.

"How are you this morning?" Liv looked at the tablet in my hand, "went to see Barth?"

"Yeah, i showed her a nice little article Collins took part in. If she wants to play dirty, she'll get it." I hand the tablet to Carmen who nodded and picked up a phone.

"What was that about?" She raised a brow and shut the door as I sat on the edge of my desk.

"Nothing. Carmen is just calling a few friends." I smiled, "it's funny how reporters can make friends in politics.... And the DA's office."

"You wouldn't." She smirked.

"I wouldn't, this office leaks like a church roof." I leaned in and stole a kiss, "it's only fair, I won't let her hurt Alma like that."

She chuckled, "I don't believe I've ever seen this side of you."

"You never seen anyone mess with Alma." I shrugged, "what brought you here anyways?"

"Making sure you're ok like normal." 

I smiled at her, "am I this predictable?"

"Yes you are." She winked, "sorry I forgot the coffee today. I swore you'd be on you eighth cup."

"How do you know I'm not." I walked to my seat, "if Barth doesn't mistrial, i'll just knock Collins down a few pegs."

"Cutthroat Rafael, really different."

I watched her sit down, "you don't hurt mi Alma."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

It was about nine as I walked onto the campus. I had a standing appointment with the dean, I had to get back in the show. Dad gave me a pep talk, telling me to go out and make it happen. Collins wasn't to be my concern, I was to worry about my career that hasn't even started. So I put on my dress pants and a simple blouse, walking in as professional as possible to address this issue. I had been working on my ankle all night, pushing it and building up my tolerance to dance and walk on it. If it was the last thing I do, I was going to be on that stage in that show. 

 I got into the office and smiled as the student receptionist smiled at me, "Hello Ms. D'onofrio. Mr. Polisi will see you in just one moment."

I sat down and checked my phone smiling as dad sent me a 'good luck' text. My mind clouded, heart pounding and I couldn't find a word. Any pre-planned statement was lost and it would probably fall into a straight plea to keep my scholarship. I know it, I know I'll be left to this. Then my name was called and I was let into the office.

"Ah, Ms. D'onofrio. How can I help you?" 

"I wanted to discuss my hearing, can I get it moved up from two weeks." I made eye contact, "the trial is almost over from my understanding, I just want to have this hearing and end this. It's intrusive and bothersome to me."

"I understand but the rules state two weeks from court conclusion." He sighed, "look Saxon, you are one of our best students and highest honors to teach. But we can't bend the rules."

"They weren't rules until you got put under the microscope." I bit my lip, "these rules weren't followed until now. Why does it matter now?"

"We are getting attention... We can't let our name and reputation go ill due to such a small case."

"Such a small case? Two students were raped, three assaulted and it's a small case? I know it is front page news but drawing this out and pushing the hearings out isn't worth it. It makes you look bad." I raised my brow.

"You want us to move your hearing up? With this scrutiny?" He shook his head, "come back after the court case. We'll see what we can do." 

"Thank you." I walked away,  hoping this we.t better then it sounded.

It was about eleven o' clock and I went straight to dad's office. He was sitting there frustrated, looking everything over and smiled when I walked in. He stretched this arms out and I hugged him before kissing his cheek.

"Good news papa?" I was hopeful and his face dropped only slightly.

"Somewhat. Trial will finish, Collins is still council... But I will make sure she is well behaved. The article doesn't look good for anyone involved and everyone is waiting to  knock her down." He gave a soft smile, "you'll be ok. She can't put you back up."

"I wasn't worried she would, I was worried she'll smear my name." I sat on the edge of his desk, "once the court is concluded, I can try to move up my hearing."

"At least they didn't completely shut you down, you still have a chance." He patted my knee, "we'll get through this. I promise." 

"I know papa, I know." I bent down to hug him again as he took a deep breath.

"I have to get to court. Liv and them will be there if you really want to." He pulled back, "wish me luck."

"Like you ever needed luck in court." I smiled as he chuckled and walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question for all my readers, do you think I should end the story at the end of trial or continue it a little? I was thinking of trying to adapt the Shelia storyline in as the two families start to merge together. Liv and Noah moving in and having raf and sax there for them the whole time she is getting to know Noah and all that fun stuff till the kidnapping (of course).
> 
> All thoughts and comments welcomed!


	18. Punishments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sentence is given and sax fights for her scholarship.

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I sat beside Saxon and watched as the courtroom quickly filled and started it's final session. The jury had decided, even with all the twists I was hopeful. Daniel was beside sax and everyone was watching them as the room settled and the judge came out. I took her hand and squeezed it, watching as they started. 

"Does the jury have a verdict?"

"Yes we do." The foreman stood.

"What is your verdict?" Barth asked.

"We find the defendants, guilty."

I felt sax squeeze my hand and let out a sigh of relief while Daniel leaned over to hug her. Barth set the sentencing date and dismissed the court. Rafael turned around and hugged his daughter, giving a silent nod of thank you to me and Daniel. 

"I told you Alma, everything will be ok. No es así?(Didn't I?)" He smiled as she kissed his cheek.

"I know papa, Nunca dudo de ti.(I never doubt you.)" I watched her smile before we all moved out.

I stopped by the door, "So, what's next on the Barba agenda for today?"

"Alma has a meeting with juilliard. I thought a little support would be welcomed." He looked at her as she shrugged.

"I guess," she looked over to Daniel, "you coming along too?"

"Yeah, I got your back sax. You know your like my little sister." He gave her a small hug.

"What about you?" She looked at me, "do you want to join us in our crusade to keep me in a scholarship?"

"I might be able to spare a few hours," I smiled at her, "and several good words."

She smiled and raf lead everyone to his office first. We all gave it a little time and he was trying to prep her on what to say. Not that I thought she needed it, sax was more of an adult then most the people I see in a day. She can barely get her driving license, still a minor technically, but she is very respectfully and responsible.

"He up, speak clearly... You know they would be stupid to let you go."

"Doesn't mean they won't." She finished, "I messed up."

"But it wasn't as bad as they say." Raf tried.

"The circumstances alone should justify the force. The things he said." Daniel patted her shoulder, "everything will work out for the better."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was nervously waiting, my group there to support me. It was almost time and no surprise they went with me over. Liv drove us, dad beside her as I sat with Daniel in the back. I poked him and gave him a nervous smile. He rubbed my shoulder and whispered in my ear.

"Tell them the truth. All details. They can't throw you out over it." 

His words weren't as comforting as I wanted it to be. He smiled and motioned out the window as we pulled up, the familiar buildings filling my vision and my stomach turning. I was scared to walk on the stage, scared to let a few teachers and students decide my fate. Luckily the sentencing allowed a quick peers hearing on rules but, I still did wrong and most people don't seem to like me. Whether it was my age, my personality, or my name.... My 'peers' never really seemed to care for me unlike Daniel and a little less then that prick Michael that loathed me. I felt the pressure and slowly got out after they parked. It a moment for my legs to move, they were cemented to the ground until my dad put his hand on my back and applied pressure to get me to walk forward. I knew my fate before I walked in there. With the bad press circulating I was doomed. But these three walked me in and stood by me till they let me walk into the office set up for the hearing.

A long table sat by the window with six chairs. Dean, president, three teachers and one student. One chair for me and one for my dad, the only two allowed in. Liv and Daniel sat outside, we went in and I stood their looking at the table. It was only a minute before my dad made me sit down and tried to calm me down but I recognized the table. I had been called as the peer a dozen times, they liked me because I always went for fair. If the teachers didn't like the student they would set a high punishment, I always agreed against. The dean and president of the school liked it, the students that came through liked it if it was on their side... And now I'm on the other side of the table. The hot seat.

"Alma, hey look at me." Dad got my attention, "Hiciste mal pero por razones justas. Estoy aquí para ayudarte.(you did wrong but for just reasons. I'm here to help you along.)"

I nodded, "Gracias Papa(thanks Dad.)" 

He kissed my head really quick and motioned for me to sit straight. Whenever I had to be the peer, I would get worried and my dad had to calm me down. He was my biggest help, but then again... I use to be his.

> _I sat on the middle of the sectional, stuffed animals lined up to my right down the other side of the couch. One to my left on the chair and the coffee table moved back by the tv where papa sat with his work files out. He gave me a big blow up hammer to wack the couch, and nodded when he was ready. I wacked the couch and he stood up._
> 
> _"Mr. Barba, you may now give your closing statement." I announced._
> 
> _He chuckled and ran his hands down to smooth out the tie he wasn't wearing, "It's summation Alma, but you were close."_
> 
> _I nodded and waved my hand to motion him on as he took center stage, or well center of a stuff animal filled room with me as a judge. He nodded and moved on, clearing his throat before speaking._
> 
> _"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you have only one choice. This man brutally attacked a women..." He closed his eyes and mouthed a few words he didn't want to say in front of me, "He left her in the hospital for almost a month, clinging to life."_
> 
> _I tipped my head, he kept going with a grace and elegance that I wish I could have. He always said I would but at six years old, the most grace I had was dancing._
> 
> _"So in conclusion, Mr..... Blank.... Blanked and assaulted a woman. He hid the evidence, lied to police, and subsequently to you. You must find him guilty." He used his hand to empathize his word then slowly walked back to his coffee table desk, "thank you."_
> 
> _"Beautiful papa." I smiled as he walked over and picked me up, "you will surely win."_
> 
> _"Do you think so? Crees que el jurado me creerá?(You think the jury will believe me?)"_
> 
> _"I did." I blinked at him with a smile as he chuckled._
> 
> _"Then they must." He kissed my head, "even with this jury? Look at Dulton dolphin over there, he looks skeptical."_
> 
> _"He always is, funny face. Really he is agreeing." I smiled as papa chuckled rather loudly._
> 
> _"Is that so?"_
> 
> _"Yup, but Lucy the narwal looks happy. She was for you the whole time." I leaned against his chest._
> 
> _"Well that's good." His heart beating softly by my ear as his chest moved slightly with small motions of left over laughter, "it's late Alma, you should go to bed."_
> 
> _"And let this bunch stay up late? Eddy the lion stole my cereal this morning." I pouted and he huffed._
> 
> _"How dare he? Ok, all of you upstairs then. Eddy ruined it for everyone." He sat me down and picked up a handful as I took the others._
> 
> _He helped me carry them upstairs to my room and organized them. I smiled as I laid in bed watching, waiting for my good night kiss. When he had them all straightened out, he walked over and kissed my head, cheeks, nose and a peck on the lips._
> 
> _"Nighty night Alma."_
> 
> _"Good night papa." I smiled as I closed my eyes, "you'll do great."_

I was snapped from my memory by the door opening and my council walking in. Dad sat next to me, strong and steady. I sat up a little and looked at the group in front of me. Two teachers that are indifferent seeing as I never worked with them, my concert piano teacher, and a student I don't ever remember meeting.  _ **Head up, words strong.... Just like papa, strong under pressure.**_

"Ms. D'onofrio, you are accused of assaulting a fellow student. What do you have to say to this?" The dean started.

"I did punch him. I lost my temper after he said horrible things and I am very remorseful of the fact I did so." I took a deep breath.

"This isn't a common thing for you Ms. D'onofrio. Infact I have no infractions on your record since you were accepted." The dean kept going, "you are a model student."

"But you have brought a lot of bad press with you." The president sighed, "the media attention is a concern."

"What was said that made you snap?" The student asked as the teachers glanced at him and then back to us.

"He called me a goodie-two shoes for not wanting to drink underage, saying he should roofie me to loosen me up. Next he spit in my water and handed it back to me." I closed my eyes and centered myself, "I asked what the hell his problem was and he said, and I quote, 'Oops, she just said the H word... Better call her mommy.'... I just snapped."

Dad interrupted, "Saxon lost her mom during childbirth, she struggles with people mentioning her mom."

"Who was the lady in the hallway?" A teacher asked.

"A friend of mine." My dad answered, "she works with me in law enforcement."

"While the comments are heinous in nature, assault is still a higher crime then words alone. We have photos and a ER statement of injuries acquired by this assault." The president was back to making me feel horrible.

"He had several contusions, lacerations, and an ecchymosis eye." The teacher read off and then translated to clear terms, "bruising, cuts, and a black eye."

"As I stated before, I am sorry for my actions. I should've handled it better." I tried again, feeling tears break in my eye sight. 

"This requires a lot of thought." The dean adds, "if you would please step out so we can deliberate on our decision."

I stood with my dad and stepped out, his arm around my back pulling me in while I felt my heart pound out of my chest. He gave me a warm hug as I seen Daniel and Liv come over.

"Any news?" He asked hopeful.

"They are deliberating." I sniffled, "I'm screwed."

"You'll be ok Alma, you'll always be ok." He smiled and kissed my head, "mi Alma, forever and always."

"Forever and always." I let out a wet sigh.

"Everything will be fine." Liv tried to comfort me but I was feeling the pressure. 

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

It only took a few minutes,  they called us back in and I sat beside my beautiful daughter and held her hand under the table as the president started into a long speech. He noted a few things, but kept touching in the press so I knew the answer. He gave the bad news and I seen the dean and teachers look down, the other student stared at her with a pitiful look. 

"It is with deep regret, that I must expell you and end your scholarship Ms. D'onofrio."

She stood up and shakes their hands before leaving, stepping outside the door before she started crying and I quickly grabbed her. Her legs dropping as I caught her. Liv and Daniel rushing over to her. I knew she thought her dream was gone and there was nothing to say to fix it. I just held her as they tried to cheer her up, waiting for ten minutes before I could even get her steady enough to run to the car. She was ashamed, deeply remorseful.... She was broken. 

Daniel promised to check in later, leaving me and Liv to get Alma home. A hard task with traffic and the girl curled up in the backseat, I could tell Liv was concerned too. **_Alma, I love you. You're strong enough and talented enough to do it without them. Don't give up._** I waited till we were home and asked Liv to give me a moment alone, thankfully she did. I walked in and sat beside her on bed, looking at her.

"It is ok, everything will be fine." I kissed her head, "you don't need a college to become a star. You need a job and talent and you're already halfway."

"Yeah papa, but i'm sixteen. No work on my resume and nothing to give me an edge. I go to auditions and they'll laugh at me." 

"Then you show them you're not a laughing matter." I gave her another hug and ran my finger behind her ear to brush the hair back. Her tattoo causing my lips to curled up, "what are you?"

"Tu alma, por siempre y para siempre(Your soul, forever and always.)" She smiled and kissed my check, "go to work. Podría usar un poco de tiempo a solas.(I could use a little alone time.)"

I just watched her a moment and she pushed, "ir. Estoy bien.(go. I'm fine.)"

I went back to Liv in the car, she was waiting by the door and gave me a kiss before I realized it was coming, "how's sax?"

"Ok... Me not as much. Drink?" I waited as she nodded.

"I could use a drink." She smirked.

While we were out for drinks I got a call from Barth, the ruling was in and the sentencing date was cancelled. They were in for fifteen to twenty, no need to worry anymore. I smiled and Liv looked at me.

"Good news I take it?"

"Fifteen to twenty, sounds good to me." I smiled at her, "I guess this means Alma is going to be better."

"I would say it means things are looking up." She took a sip, "maybe everything does work out for the best."

Suddenly, all I could think about was what the future held for us. I knew things could get better, they had to. I also knew Alma, she would do something better. Even if I had to drag her out, she wouldn't stop over this small set back.


	19. Broadway calling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax starts her journey to Broadway.  
> Liv deals with a mess of stress.  
> Raf tries to help them both.

* * *

_**Saxon**_

* * *

I woke up and stretched, slowly cracking my neck as I got up and walked downstairs for food. It had been a month since trial ended, and I had been warming up to the next step in my life.... Auditions. I had a few lined up today on casting calls, resume printed and hope that it wouldn't take more then a day or two so my spirit couldn't break. I stepped on to the cold floor and smile as I see dad on the phone.

"Yes... I know. Have you told Noah yet?" He slowly turned around and smiled, mouthing good morning as I sat down at the island.

"You have to tell him. The day is coming soon and I know your lease is up a month later." He handed me a cup and motioned to the plate of eggs and bacon, "Stabler is good with the arrangements? He's not going to drop the place back on you?"

I chuckled as I got my coffee from the pot beside him, "deja de preocuparte papá(stop worrying dad.)" 

My whisper by his free ear earned a glare, then he looked up at the ceiling as he took a sip, "i'm not worried just... Yes. I don't want anything going wrong.... Ok, see you at work."

He sat the phone down in front of him on the counter and looked over to me still sipping the coffee beside him, "she called you out on being overly worried."

"Two weeks till they move in and her lease is transferred to Stabler. Should I not be a little worried?"

"A little is ok, but this..." I nudged him with my shoulder, "this isn't a little."

I sat back down and he sat across from me, stealing a piece of bacon, "she hasn't told Noah yet. I just... I don't know."

"To be fair I wouldn't know if it weren't for getting home early from my dinner with Daniel. Eres un procrastinator cuando se trata de posiblemente molestarme.(You are a procrastinator when it comes to possibly upsetting me.)" I paused, "like that would've made me mad either. I love Liv and Noah."

"I know... Cuales son tus planes para hoy?(What's your plans for today?)" He pulled a fork from the small stand and took a little egg from my plate.

"Auditions, thought it was finally time." I sighed, "just let her handle it. Ella tiene una mejor manera de lidiar con las cosas cuando te pones nervioso.(She has a better way of dealing with things when you get nervous.)"

"I'm not nervous."

"You are moving in your girlfriend and her son, who happens to be your co-worker and the little boy she adopted." I took a bite, "you've had a crush on her since you met her and disclosed only after my court case. You're not moving her in as part of the relationship as much as she needed a place and you helped."

"Ok. Ok... Tú ganas.(You win.)" He rolled his eyes and kissed my head, "I have to get to work. Good luck." 

"I need it." I mumbled.

"Keep me updated, tal vez el almuerzo si tienes un poco de tiempo libre?(maybe lunch if you have a little free time?)" He smiled and grabbed his suit jacket.

"We'll see." I watched him start out the door, "Le prometí a Noah que lo recogería de la escuela y le daría a Lucy un día libre. Emergencia familiar.(I promised Noah I would pick him up from school and give Lucy a day off. Family emergency.)"

I heard the door shut, knocking back the rest of my coffee. I finished the food and went to get dressed. I went for a oldie but a goodie, jeans, blouse, and a blazer. Hair back in a perfect ponytail and sneakers so I could move easily. Looks got you through the door, singing came next and then movement. I was good with all of it, problem was I wasn't as sure in the moment. Nerves always cut me down. I did the only thing I could as I seen yet time, I grabbed my resume and ran out the door for the audition.

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I had just got Noah to school and had a long irritating chat with Ms. Smiley about Noah's bruises. I don't know how he got them but I knew it had to be an accident. That talk was enough to throw me off today as I was walking in the door to my office. A thousand cases on my desk and I was barely at work. My head was thinking about telling Noah and getting off work at a decent time so Sax didn't have him all night... Maybe a chat with raf could get squeezed in. I was happy he offered, my apartment wasn't nearly big enough for three and as much as I love Stabler for being my partner for so long... I knew he didn't have much more in him. He would retire soon enough and I hoped he could work things out with his family but as for now, he could have his own place. It might just help cement his need to go back Kathy.

I was about to sit down when Amanda knocked on my door, "hey Liv..."

"Yeah Amanda?" I looked up.

"You ok?" She came in and sat down across from me, "you looked a little bothered when you walked in."

"I got called in to Noah's school today about this mysterious bruise on his arm." I nod, "just had a talk with Ms. Smiley about it."

"Maybe he fell off the swings?" She offered but I could only shake my head.

"That's what I said, but apparently Noah told the school nurse a different story."

"Noah said that you... Yeah." She bit her lip.

"I have no idea what's going on. I don't know if he's mad, if he's acting out, but I'm sure it's nothing." I closed my eyes.

"Yeah, me too."

"It's just so weird. The whole time she's asking me questions, all I could think of is, 'I'm the one who asks the questions." I tried to convey this odd feeling and luckily she nodded to tell me she understood.

"You know you're a good mom, Liv. So if anyone says different, they'll have to answer to me." 

"Thank you." I smiled at her.

"How are you and Barba?" She sipped a cup of coffee as I looked at the one I bought and haven't touched yet.

"Good... I'm going to be moving in within two weeks and haven't told Noah yet. Sax is help babysit Noah more. It's all good."

"It's a lot." She added for me, "maybe you need to take a breath. Spend an hour in your office without work so you can breath."

"Thanks." I nodded, "but work comes first."

She nodded and brought me up to date on the current cases. I sent her off and took a moment to breath before I had a call from Dodds.  _ **So much for breathing.**_ I picked up the phone and went back to work.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

It was about noon, I was just out of court and checked my phone. _**Nothing from Liv, need to check on her later.**_ I moved to the texts I did have, Alma. 

> _**A:** I have some time before my last audition. Picking up Noah right after.... Want some lunch?_
> 
> **_A:_ ** _Liv can come too._
> 
> _**A:** Text back soon._

I checked the time, only ten minutes ago. I was good, so I texted back.

> **_R:_ ** _You're stuck with just me. Your turn to pick or mine?_
> 
> **_A:_ ** _Yours. Name it and I'll be there in five._

I sent her to the sushi place, not her favorite choice but she does love there Chinese food that doesn't include raw fish. I was there in about eight minutes, and of course she was waiting on me.

"Great choice dad, I've been craving some fried dumplings." She leaned up to kiss my cheek as she walked through the door I held open for her.

"I just needed some sushi," I smiled as she rolled her eyes.

"Pay the man." She shoved my shoulder and I paid for our two spots.

She ran over to a clean table and took off her coat before running to the buffet. I put mine down, walking up after her and making a small plate of sushi. She had a plate full and ran off back to the table. I smiled as I sat down and the waitress brought over our drinks. I looked at her as I took a bite.

"So Alma, how's the auditions going?" I smiled.

"Not to bad. I made it to two so far. Both off Broadway and there was a lot of people auditioning so it's not likely but... But I think I did good." She sighed, "this last one will be the worse though. Broadway production of a huge musical and... Well... I have no faith when there will be hundreds of people auditioning and probably better."

"No one is better then my Alma." I made her look up at me, "deja de dudar de ti mismo.(stop doubting yourself.)"

"Thanks Dad." She smiled softly, "but I'm going to be passed up. No soy tan fuerte todavía(I'm not that strong yet.)"

"You don't need to finish schooling at that mierda(shitty) school. You had something back before you went there, you still have that. You still do." I watched her roll her eyes, "isn't that what you would say to Noah."

"Speaking of Noah, what did his school want with Liv?" She tried to change subjects and I let her, seeing as I didn't know what she was talking about.

"What?"

"She didn't tell you?" Alma shrugged, "I'm picking Noah up from school because she had to stay over to make up for going in late. Noah's teacher asked Liv to take him to school and stay over to talk to her. She didn't say what she wanted on the phone or Liv didn't want to tell me."

"No wonder she hasn't texted back." I mumbled and she looked at that, "I tried to see if she wanted to come to lunch when I got out of court but she never answered."

"She's probably just busy." Alma patted my hand, "now, I'm thinking dessert."

I chuckled and followed her up, leaving our plates behind to be collected. The rest of our lunch date went smooth, no more talk about auditions because I knew Alma was shakey still. As I looked at the time, I had to run to the office before SVU. Alma kissed me goodbye and ran off as I wished her luck. She took off, out of sight and I switched out files and signed a few papers for Carmen. Then I ran to SVU, walking in slowly to see Liv's door shut and half the squad gone. I looked and seen Fin still at his desk.

"Hey." I walked over, "what going on?"

"New case." He looked up, "and Liv hasn't left her office in several hours."

"Ok then." I sighed, "I guess I'm up."

I walked to her door and knocked softly, turning the handle and stepping in as she looked over at me from her phone. She sighed heavy, her glasses being pushed back to hold her shoulder length brown hair back. I seen her brown eyes looking towards me and couldn't help but notice the little red with it.

"What's up?" She asked as she sat back in her chair.

I shut the door and walked to the edge of her desk, "I could ask you the same. Are you ok?"

"Yeah." She nods, "nothing big."

"Your eyes are red, have you been crying?" I sat on the edge of her desk.

"Angry tears." She nodded, "I had to talk to Noah's teacher today. He got a bruise on his arm and he apparently told the school I gave it to him."

"Liv..." I was cut off.

"I don't know if he's angry or acting out but.... It doesn't feel right being on the other side of questioning."

I sighed and opened my arms and leaned in to hug her, her deep inhale telling me she was fighting back her feelings yet again. I kissed her head, rubbing her back a moment.

"You're a good mother, Noah's lucky to have you." I whispered, "this will get cleared up and I'm sure Noah is really fine. It's probably just a mistake."

"Yeah, but now I have to have a talk with my son about lying again." She pulled back and I sat leaning against her desk, "so why did you come over?"

"We had a scheduled meeting remember? Jackson case." I watched it click in her head and she reached over to find the file.

"Yeah, yeah... New evidence."

I gave a soft smile, I wanted to say something but it was obvious she wanted to work and nothing else. So I let it slide, brushed it off and promised myself to check in on her again after work.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I had just made it to the school, standing out side as Noah came running out to tackle me. I pulled him into a hug and smiled as a lady walked up to me.

"I'm sorry, I haven't seen you before." She asked.

I looked at her clip board and nodded, "uh yeah, I'm Saxon. Liv asked me to pick him up because she was going to be late at school."

"Lucy usually picks him up."

"Lucy has a sick mommy," Noah said and looked up, "Sax likes to play outside and promised to take me to the park after seeing mommy."

She nodded but I can tell she wasn't believing me. So I did the best thing I could since I knew she was just trying to keep him safe, I video called Liv.

"Hey sax."

"Hey Liv, I'm picking Noah up from school and they just want to make sure it's ok before we go." I turned the phone around to show the young woman.

"Sorry Ms. Smiley, I forgot to tell you this morning. Sax is a friend and filling in for Lucy for a few days." 

The lady nodded and walked away, so I turned the phone towards Noah, "ok Noah, anything you want to say to mommy before I hang up."

"Bye mommy, love you." He waved and I ended the call after she said it back.

I took Noah's hand and we went walking off to the park. He started telling me all about his day then we played hide and go seek. It was a nice easy day and I decide to get him a slushy as we walked home. He picked his favorite color and I handed it over after paying. It ate it slowly as we walked back.

"Sax, your an actress right?" He looked over.

"Trying to be." I raised a brow, "why?"

"My friend told me that her mommy is an actress too. Said she was in some kinda film." 

"Not the kinda actress I want to be but yeah," I bent down beside him, "I want to be on Broadway. You know the people that sing and dance... Sing as they are talking. That's what I'm going to do."

"Cool." He smiled, "like Wicked?"

"Yeah, don't you see me and green face paint?" I made a little face and stood up, mustering all I could to belt out a little piece as I jumped on a park bench a few steps ahead of him, " _So if you care to find me, Look to the western sky!"_ I pointed out as eyes from people all around the area started to look over _, "As someone told me lately: "Everyone deserves the chance to fly!"  
_

I used my hand to whip my jacket back as I hit the notes perfectly. Noah laughing and cheering as people watched and smiled. I looked to him and hopped off the park bench.

"Pretty good ay?"

"Awesome!" He chuckled, "can't wait to see you on stage doing that."

I smiled, "me either little dude. vamonos(Let's go.)"

I smiled at a few whistles and claps as we kept walking, my cheeks growing a little red. I was just worried about getting home and getting his homework done before Liv got off work. But after a long day of underestimating myself, I was just wanting a little normal time. A little time to build my spirits up before I start again tomorrow.


	20. You ok?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv gets a visit from an old friend.  
> Sax has a career changing moment.  
> Raf finally starts the big move.

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I was packing a few things to move over, Noah picking a few too. He was overjoyed at the news, moving in with Uncle Raf and sax. I figured in the next week, we should be moved out or at least almost. So I told Noah, tonight would be our first night at our new home. He packed a small bag, I packed mine and a few small boxes to bring over. Stabler would be home late, he was working on some overtime with a case. He knew we would be out, I was focused on getting a few things out. They might seem random but, to me they were important things.

"Mommy, what about Eddy?"

"Bring Eddy along. He can see our new home." I smiled and kissed Noah's head, "finish up sweet boy."

Noah ran off, i taped up the box and was about to add it to the small stack when a knock sounded from the door. I turned towards it and frowned as Noah came out.

"Were you expecting company?" I asked.

"No you were." He blinked and smiled.

"No I wasn't." I nodded, "finish up. We'll leave here soon. I know sax was waiting for you."

He ran back to the room again, I went to the door and answered it carefully. A million thoughts running through my mind as I peeked through the peep hole and opened the door to find Cassidy.

"Wow..." I looked over the man, "Hello."

"Hey, Liv." He smiled softly.

"This is a surprise." I stared at him, so many questions coming to mind.

"Yeah. I was in I was in the neighborhood. I figured you owe me a cup of coffee."

"Oh, I do, but unfortunately now is, uh, is not a great time." I opened the door a little more to lean on.

He could easily see the small stack of boxes and hear Noah packing a few things.

"Oh."

"But how are you? I heard you moved to Florida." I tried to move the conversation on instead of completely ending it. I was curious as to why he was here.

"Yeah. Can you believe that?" He chuckled.

"How's that early bird special treating you?"

"Oh, that's funny. That's good stuff, Liv. I don't know, you know, truth be told, after hitting a dozen balls into the lake on the 16th in Forest Park, I realized that, um, retirement was not my thing. You know?"

"I get it." I nodded.

"Yeah, I knew you would. The DA's office, they were looking for an investigator." He stretched his arms out, "so, uh ta-dah."

"Good for you." I nodded, "but you know I... I uhm..."

He stopped me, "Yeah. Uhm, that A.D.A...... That tight ass, Barba." He shook his head, "Anyways, On the job six weeks, and I caught a child abuse case."

"Oh." 

"And, uh, SVU had to recuse themselves." 

"That's odd." I stopped.

"Yeah, actually, uh, not really, Liv." He scratched his neck, "We're investigating you."

I looked at him a second before shaking my head, "yeah uh... I think you should go."

He stepped back and I didn't give him the chance to speak. The door shut on him and I ran back to grab Noah. I picked him up and he goes him, squeezing him tight as he laughed.

"Mommy, you're hurting me." 

"Sorry sweet boy, I just... I just..." I was trying to find words, "I think this is a good start. Wanna go see Raf and Sax now?"

He nodded and I told him to grab his boxes and bag. I pulled out my phone and called raf, holding my breath as it rang. 

"Hello?" He answered with a groan.

"Bad timing?" I tried to smile as he chuckled.

"No just, finishing up a little paperwork.... Well it turned out to be a lot." He sighed, "luckily I'm almost done. What's up?"

"About to bring over the first few boxes... Noah excited." 

It went silent a moment, "you ok Liv? You sound off."

"Yeah, i'll explain when I get there or you get home." I looked at Noah with his box and bag, Eddy on top of the box.

"I would be home shortly. Sax is waiting on you guys." 

I hung up and grabbed my stuff to walk out to the car. Every box slipped in the back, Noah buckled in and we were on our way. The short drive was filled with a.million questions from Noah. He wanted to know everything about what would happen. Would he get his own room? Could he walk to school alone since he was closer? After a million more, I got him to stop as we pulled up. Sax opened the door and waved, Noah waiting till I unbuckled him to tackle her. She gave him a hug and walked out to help with the boxes. Once they were in, she chuckled and looked at us.

"Papa will be home soon." She bent down to Noah, "and I have some great news when he does."

"Really?" He smiled, "what?"

"It's a surprise," she poked his nose softly and motioned up the steps, "let's check out your room."

They ran upstairs and I walked over to the living room. I knew the adjustment would take a while, Noah probably wouldn't have as hard of a time. He has sax to help him adjust, me... I had raf and sax but, but I wasn't adjusting well. A new place, a new family... I had bad luck with guys before and I didn't want Barba to be one of them. He was one of my closest friends and now we are more. I heard the door, turning slowly to smile at raf as he walked in.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I was walking in the door as I seen her standing in the hallway by the living room. She turned towards me and smiled as I kissed her cheek and hugged her. I gave it a second before I turned my head to kiss her directly, leaving a soft smile on my face as I pulled back.

"What's wrong? You sounded worried on the phone."

"I had a visitor at my door when we were packing up a few things, " she looked at me, "Cassidy was at my door."

"Cassidy?" I gave a funny look and she leaned against the sectional.

"I told you about the school the other day right? Well apparently he's a with the DA's office as an investigator now... And he had to recuse himself." She looked down away from me.

"Ok? What does this have to do with you?" I watched her for a moment.

"The case was me Rafa." She looked up completely white in the face, "the school handed it over. They think I abuse Noah."

I brushed her hair back from her face, softly pulling her in as she tried not to cry. It was a losing battle, I knew that already. I was just trying to help it come out and pass, but the foot steps on the stairs... She pulled back and wiped her face. I seen Noah and sax turn the corner, I turned towards them and smiled as they hugged me and Liv laughed.

"Uncle Rafa!" Noah smiled as sax kissed my cheek, "glad you could make it home early for once."

"Yeah, yeah." I rolled my eyes, "i'm hungry."

"Your always hungry old man." Sax poked my chest before grabbing Noah's hand, "here, let's make them dinner this time."

Sax pulled Noah into the kitchen and I pulled Liv in before motioning her up the steps. She went first and I grabbed the boxes beside her to carry up. I sat them just inside my door,  _ **No. Our door. Our room. Our house.... Our.**_ I gave myself a small reminder and stood up. She sat on the bed and looked around, i gave it a second before walking over.

"Are you ok?" I stood in front of her.

"Yeah... Of course." She looked down.

"Liv." I said one more time.

She looked up, "I don't understand why they would investigate me? How any of it went this far."

I gave her a hug, rubbing her back, "everything will be ok."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was with Noah in the kitchen cooking. I asked what he wanted and then had him assist me as we worked along. Spaghetti noodles being boiled and a premade sauce heating up with a little extra seasoning. Noah was spreading the garlic butter on the bread while the oven preheated. I hit my phone turned up my playlist, smiling as Disney came through the speakers.

> _I'm gonna be a mighty king,  
>  So enemies beware._
> 
> _Well, I've never seen a king of beasts, With quite so little hair._

I looked at Noah and smiled, singing into the spoon I had been stirring with, " _I'm gonna be the main event, Like no king was before. I'm brushing up on looking down, I'm working on my roar."_

He smiled and sang into the brush he was using as I took the bread to the oven so it could bake, " _Thus far, a rather uninspiring thing. Oh, I just can't wait to be king. You've rather a long way to go, young master, if you think-"_

I cut him off just like in the song, letting my feet slide to make my motions bigger then life, " _No one saying, "do this"_

> _Now when I said that, I..._

_"No one saying, "be there"_ I sang out Simba's part as the recording went along, Noah chose to stand on the step stool and watch me and my Insanity.

> _What I meant was..._

_"No one saying, "stop that"_ I got into the part as I sang into the spoon.

> _Look, what you don't realize._

_"No one saying, "see here"_ I smiled as I leaned in to him.

> _Now see here!_

The music stopped as Dad and Liv stood in the doorway now. I however didn't care and had to finish the song with my new sidekick.

 _"Everybody look left!"_ Both our heads went to our lefts, "Everybody _look right!"_ Our heads went to our rights, " _Everywhere you look I'm,_ _Standin' in the spotlight!"_

I stood upright as Noah clapped and dad walked over to me, "Not yet."

Liv chuckled and pulled Noah over for a hug and talk. Dad helped check on everything and mix the sauce and pasta as I cheesed the bread. He pointed at a pot on the back burner and I showed him carrots as he nodded approval.

"You two did a great job I must say." He kissed my head as we moved the finished parts to the island so we could make plates for the dinner table.

"Why thank you, but let's get food so we can eat." I made up the plates that he walked to the table, "I have the drinks."

He nodded and got Liv and Noah situated, I pour two glasses of wine and two fruit punches in wine glasses for me and Noah. I sat them down and took my empty seat as we all started to eat. Everyone appreciated the food, then I made my move.

"So, I have good news and bad news... Where should I start?" I looked up as dad and Liv looked at each other.

"Good." They said together.

"I got a call back today." I smiled as they cheered.

"That's great Alma." Dad smiled and reached over to hold my hand.

"See, you still have it." Liv smiled as Noah was beaming.

"Bad news, it's back up. I'm understudying a support character, but I'm steady through the whole show with small background parts." I sighed, "buts it's Broadway."

"It's a start." I smiled as dad pulled me in, "You'll be amazing Alma. Background or not."

"Thanks papa." I smiled, "still want me to get tickets?"

"I think I'll spurge." He smiled, "not missing your first night on Broadway."

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

After lunch, I went upstairs with Liv to help her move in a little. I walked her to my closet, one of myost well organized and prized possession, now with an open area for her things. My walk in closet was now compact to one side and the back wall, she looked just as amazed as I was. 

"You didn't have to do this."

"I did." I turned towards her and wrapped my arms around her, "it's commitment, I offered you two my home. The least I can do is make it homey for you."

"Thanks Rafa." She smiled and leaned backwards into me, "thank you for everything."

"Your welcome," I smiled and kissed her neck, "you could show me too."

She chuckled, "after Noah is asleep, I might."

I walked down the hall to check on Noah, he was getting ready for bed. Sax was helping him and then went to bed. Liv tucked him in and went back to our room, but before I could get to the room I heard something. A small whisper, really low. I turned and seen a small white cord running down the hall. I stopped at Sax's door, seeing her holding a tin can. She winked and spoke into the can, I mouthed good night and checked on Noah's shut door. Knowing they are good, I went back to Liv and smiled as she kissed me and shut the door.


	21. Moving in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saxon starts rehearsals.  
> Liv and Noah move the last pieces over.  
> A surprise visitor brings a new issue to the joining families.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

 It's been a few weeks since the first boxes made it in the house for Liv and Noah, now there was only a few left. Noah seemed to be taking the move well, no problems at all but I was quick to jump in the second I see him struggling. Our guest room was officially Noah's  bed room since it was across the hall from mine... We were having a blast. We had a tin can phone running between us but after a small trip on dad's part, I got him walkie-talkies as a gift to replace it. He was excited to have a big sister to hang out with when I was home, which strangely was still often. I didn't want to miss the merging of our families, I wanted to be there for Noah to make sure he adjusts to our home. I know how big and scary it could be to a young kid, I wasn't afraid to admit I hated being alone when I was small even for the shortest time.

Liv and dad were moving along well. At least they slept in the same bed and dad hasn't said one bad thing yet, and god knows he would talk to me before anyone else. That's our special bond, yet to find anyone we would rather tell our worst secrets to. Liv looked happier, at least after the small questioning and investigation due to Noah's bruises. She seemed more then excited to have a home, and soon enough she'll get use to the extra two people there for her. 

As for me, I have been practicing like crazy in rehearsals. I might have only a background part and a little singing, but I was understudying to a big part that could get me attention for this career. I would never wish bad luck on anyone but, it would be nice. When I wasn't in rehearsal, I had Noah since Liv and Lucy had to cut back hours. She had another family and Liv had me to help. Mainly I took him to school on mornings she didn't and picked him up on the two day Lucy didn't work. On her days, I picked him up from her only an hour later. But beside rehearsals and Noah, my life didn't have much.

That how I ended up here, sitting at a little coffee shop at lunch time. It was busy but I had my caffeine and a friend showing up soon... We'll now. I smiled and waved at the door, standing only when he got close.

"Hey Danny boy." I hugged Daniel.

"Hey sax," he squeezed back, "how's life going in the big game."

"Usual. A lot of rehearsal for a small background part... Secretly hoping that poor girl gets sick so I can steal her spot as a support character." I sat down, "does that make me a bad person?"

"Definitely." He laughed as I rolled my eyes, "no, it's makes you human."

"Thanks for that confindence boost." I shook my head and sipped my Cuban delight, "how's Juilliard?"

"Boring. All the excitement has passed and I don't have my honorary sister to keep me company." He joked, "but seriously, it was shitty what they did to you. You were a star pupil and best grades in the school."

"They just gave me a early push to the real world, not even eighteen and they showed me the dark side of show business." I shrugged, "could've been worse though."

"Seriously, we miss you. So many students were trying to start a protest or something to help you, except for a few we won't name." He leaned back as his coffee was sat down.

"The douche that was going to teatite against me in court when I wasn't on trial... What a shock."

He took a sip and shook his head, "how many coffees have you had?"

"This would make.... Two." I smirked.

"So at least four." He raised his brow, "you are just like your dad, coffee blood people."

"Nosotros, los de sangre de café, somos personas orgullosas. No nos insultes con ese tono.(Us coffee blood people are proud people. Don't insult us with that tone.)" I sassed back.

"There you go with that second language, imI not great with Spanish and you spew it out just to confuse me." He pointed at me and I laughed.

"Guilty."

"I miss it, even the Spanish." He winked, "I have to get to class but, text whenever. And don't forget to give me dates for the show. IllI buy a Broadway ticket just to see you in the background for three seconds."

I waved as he left and I was alone again. The busy shop bustling and I wasn't ready for it. I checked the time and decided a nice slow walk to the practice spot would be good, standing up as an old lady was looking for a spot. Tapping her shoulder gently, I offered he rmy seat and wiped the table that didn't have more then a small coffee ring from them overfilling my cup. She thanked me and called me a good kid, though after the last few months I was doubting her words. I took the slow route, a little people watching as I made my way to the spot. Walking into the building and tossing my cup away,  _ **Bring it on.**_

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I was in the office as another case comes and goes. The investigation was done with Noah but I was feeling a little watched, not by my squad but by everyone. SVU lieutenant was looked at for child abuse. I wanted to just go home and finish moving the last few boxes over, finish up my fresh start. Elliot was retiring, this time for good. He had a place to start and plenty of time to win his family over even though I doubt that it would work. Kathy was gone, he just didn't see it yet. But none of that was my worry, I had Rafa now. It still sounded odd on my ears but, I love Rafael. Not like a friend as before, but as more.  _ **Maybe I was right, we'll spend our later years squabbling together.**_

My thought was cut off by the door opening, "hey Liv."

I looked up at fin, "yeah fin?"

"I just wanted to check in on you." He came in and sat down, "now that the case with Noah is done."

"I am doing much better." I sighed, "and Noah is the happiest I ever seen him."

"That's good," he nods, "just making sure your good Liv."

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"You've had a lot of changes here lately."

"Change is good," I smiled, "at least this change is. It's exactly what I needed."

"I understand, I got a call from Ken the other day. ImI gonna have a grandson here soon." Fin lit up as I congratulated him.

"Yeah, which reminds me... I should be getting a visitor soon." I smiled, "I promised Noah we would move the last boxes today alone. A proper goodbye to our home as we move."

Fin nods and was about to speak when a knock pulled our attention. Saxon opened the door, Noah running in and fin excused himself. Noah was telling me every detail of his day and in the short pause, I looked at sax.

"Thanks for picking him up and bringing him over."

"No problem Liv, you're family now." She smiled.

"We only have a few things to bring over and then we'll be home." I watched her nod.

"Ok, just let dad know." She leaned away from the door, ready to open it and leave, "if you're gonna be late, give me a call. I'm cooking again."

"Moving in with you is relaxing, you do most the harder things." I joked as she winked.

"You bet. Later Liv, you too Noah."

"Bye Saxon!" He called as she left and I kissed his head.

* * *

**_Noah_ **

* * *

I was walking with mommy back to our old home, just getting a few things and we'll be moved in. I loved the new home. My room was bigger, sax was right beside me, the kitchen had more snacks, and their couch was way more comfy. Sax even showed me her favorite room, the dance room in the basement. Everything had more room and sax was always right there if I needed anything. 

We got to the building and she opened the door to the apartment, I ran in and found my last few boxes and brought them out to the living room. Mom went back to the room to pack a few things. I looked around, it felt weird seeing the place a little empty and none of my toys around. Mom turned on the TV and let me watch cartoons while she finished up. I smiled and laid on the floor looking up at the screen, the cartoon helped me forget we were leaving.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I had twenty minutes after dropping Noah off to get home and start a small meal. I rushed back, digging through the cupboards when my phone dinged and I looked at it on the counter.

> _**Unkown:** Saxon, Geoff here from master productions. It seems that Lindsay has quit due to a family emergency. You have just been reassigned to the role. _

I dropped the bag of rice on the floor and pickedy phone up. Rereading that message six times before it sunk in.  _ **Your not a background character on broadway, your a lead support character. Your name will be on the program. You will be working with the stars.... You got a real job, one that would make your teachers proud if you weren't expelled.**_ I dropped the phone and was bouncing, letting out all the building excitement and jumping with my arms in the air. It made me feel victorious. I couldn't focus, my train of thought gone until my stomach rumbled and I seen the time.

"Shit, I don't have time to cook." I sighed and grabbed the take out menu, "i'm celebrating."

I placed a order for the Chinese place down the block, barely hanging up before I call Daniel to tell him the good news. I couldn't think straight, was trying to calm down but couldn't bring my body to do so... I finally felt like I was winning. I could really be a star. I was on cloud nine, not even hearing the door as it opened.

"Sax!" Noah came running in to find me in the kitchen smiling and pulling a cash tip out.

"Hey dude! What's up bro?" I chuckled and hugged him.

"I'm hungry." He smiled and I chuckled.

"Ok, food should be here shortly." I patted his back, "go until pack your last few things. Make life easier on your mom."

"Hey Liv."

"Hey sax."

He ran off and I smiled. Liv didn't look as happy to be home and before I could ask, the food arrived. I answered the door, handing him the tip and taking the food and carrying it to the table before turning to Liv after she started helping me unpack the food.

"You ok Liv?" I looked up, "you seem off."

"Yeah, just..." She shook her head, "a lot of things."

"My dad's not the only one with ears you know." I smirked, "I might be a girl but minus that small change we look pretty much the same. You even say we act the same."

She smiled, "yeah, I know."

Before she could speak, the door opened and dad came in. Liv looked relieved. I understood it, that's why her and dad were so good together. I just felt a little bad she's still warming up to me.

* * *

_**Liv** _

* * *

I was about to talk to sax when raf walked in. Sax smiled and went to get Noah, giving us a moment alone. I looked at raf and he stopped, his suit jacket over the couch and tie with it. His shoes and coat lft I'm the closet by the door. He leaned in and pulled out my chair.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I shook my head, "let's just eat."

He frowned but let it go so we could eat, not that I really felt hungry. I got through it and put Noah to bed. Raf sat on the couch, stretched out working on the case we currently had. I went to Sax's room, knocking once and stepping in as she smiled over at the door.

"Hey Liv, what's up?"

"Wanted to talk to you." I stood in the middle of her room, "and I don't want you to tell your dad."

That go her attention, she patted her bed and nod, "you have my word. But you might want to shut the door."

I shut the door and sat beside her as she watched me closely, "we had a visitor when me and Noah was grabbing the last fee things."

"Your ex again?" She asked.

"Your dad really does tell you everything."

"Yeah, we're open books unless told we can't." She shrugged, "that's how we keep our bond. No worries about lying."

I smiled,  _ **I hope me and Noah can keep a bond like that.**_ I nodded and went back to the subject.

"No it wasn't Cassidy, it was Noah's maternal grandmother." I took a deep breath, "I wasn't expecting it and I honk she wants to take Noah back. Vacant the adoption."

"They can't do that, it's not in his best interest." She nudged me, "Noah is doing his best here. Not with the woman he doesn't know."

I smiled, she said exactly what I expected rad to say, "I know. It's just... Hard."

"What did she say?" She turned to me.

 **"** She said she was just making me aware, you know, not in a threatening way."

"That's ridiculous, just showing up is unorthodox." I watched sax shake her head, "did she want to see Noah? You didn't let her did you?"

"I didn't let her see Noah. In fact, I closed the door on her face." She smiled at that, "I guess it's just magical thinking on my part, right? If I don't do anything about it, then it will just go away."

"Everyone does it. Sometimes childhood is better because the less you know right?" She gave me a small hug, "just don't worry about it. Everything will be fine."

"I know." I nodded.

"One question, why don't you want dad to know?" 

"Because I don't want him to worry about me. I'll tell him soon but, till then..."

"My lips are sealed. I promise."

She smiled at me and I knew it was true, "thanks sax. I think I'll go find your dad now."

"Down stairs so he has background noise. If he diesndo have a drink in hand, I would bring him one. It calms him and if he doesn't have it yet, he's frustrated." She leaned back, "just a heads up."

"Thanks."

I went down to raf and cuddled up to him as we talked the case, passing the night easy now that I talked with someone. Why he doesn't know, sax does and I made a connection with her. I just hope she keeps her promise, I need to tell him myself.... If I could figure out how.


	22. Noah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv goes to court over Noah.  
> Saxon takes care of a sick noah.  
> Liv finally tells raf, making him worry more that she's to stressed.  
> Shelia talks with Liv and gets to meet Noah under the watchful eyes of the new family.

* * *

_**Noah** _

* * *

It was early in the morning, mommy waking me up on my day off school. I grumbled and coughed, she frowned and rubbed my face.

"You're warm sweet boy, you should stay in today." She tucked me in, "sax will stay with you till Lucy can get here."

"Sax has the day off." Sax stepped in, "so Lucy doesn't have to come. I mean, if you both are ok with it."

Mommy nodded and I did too. She kissed my head and before she could leave the room I bent over the edge and felt a but going up my throat. Sax pushed a container under me and mommy stepped back as I puked. She patted my back, waiting till I stopped to wipe my mouth off with a towel. She stood up and looked at sax, then slowly got me to lay back in bed. She left the room after kissing my head as sax sat down a bottle of water and some crackers.

"Hey kiddo, not feeling to good?" I shook my head and she smiled, "I understand. We'll just have to stay in and rest then. Why don't you nap and radio me when you're up."

I nodded and she put the walkie beside my pillow. I closed my eyes and after a little more coughing, went back to bed.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I cracked his door and looked at Liv. She was obviously worried and only letting it show because dad was already at work. I went downstairs and caught her before she left, or rather she stopped me.

"Thank you for watching noah."

"Of course, no need to thank me every time." I smiled.

"Ok, sorry." She sighed, "inhaler on night stand. A little cold medicine only if he really needs it and 911 if he has trouble breathing. He has a hist...."

"History of immune system problems and breathing issues, I know." 

She chuckled softly, "I keep forgetting, you are just like your dad."

"Go. I'll call if anything happens and I always answer if you call. So just stop worrying." I gave her a quick hug, "everything will be fine."

"Thank you sax." She whispered and ran out the door.

I had my walkie on my hip, taking a breath before looking for some food.  ** _If I'm stuck with sick Noah, I might as well eat and relax till he calls._** A small bowl of captain crunch later and I was stretched out on the couch between walking up to peek in on him. Catching him awake aatime or two. Unlike Liv, I couldn't bring myself to use the nanny cam in his room.  _ **Just feel better little dude.**_

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I was standing outside the courtroom, phone to my ear with a slight smile. Noah was on the other end, talking about his morning with sax after he started to feel better.

"Oh, honey, I'm so glad that you're feeling better. Yeah." I seen Trevor approach so I held up a finger to have a quick moment longer, "Yes to applesauce, all you want, but no more cartoons, okay, Noah? All right, honey, I love you. Can you put sax back on?" I turned away from him and took a deep breath as I heard her voice come on the line, "Okay. Hey, saxon, I'll check in with you later. Thank you, bye."

I hung up and turned back towards him, his eyes looking down to my phone a second before up at me, "Noah's all right?"

"Yeah, he just has a cold. But today, of all days." I sighed and put the phone away.

"I know that this is stressful, but you have got nothing to worry about." 

"Then why are we here?" I walked Dover to lean by the wall, my nerves kicking in.

"My best guess? Judge Linden agreed to a courtesy hearing to cover her bases. She's the one who suggested you take Noah, and the circumstances were a little bit unorthodox." 

"Just promise me I'm not going to lose my son." I stared him down, watching as he nodded.

"I prom..." His words were cut off by the woman walking to the door beside us.

"Lieutenant Benson." She spoke monotone, and quickly walked into the court room.

I watched her walk in, feeling the small burn of dislike. Not for her nice clothes, her well put together look... For the fact she was cold and trying to take away my son. I didn't want to like her, after everything that happened to Noah, I didn't want her here. He didn't have a biological family, he had me and saxon and Rafa.... He had the squad. He didn't need his grandmother, much less a woman I didn't know trying to take him away. I walked in with Trevor, taking our seats as the hearing began.

"Sheila Porter, you are Noah Porter-Benson's - maternal grandmother?" Judge Linden started.

"I am, Your Honor." Shelia nodded, her lawyer jumping in.

"We've provided Ellie Porter's birth certificate and the DNA evidence to prove relationship with Noah." 

I was busy fidgeting with my hands as Trevor adds, "The fact that they're related is not grounds to vacate a legal adoption, Your Honor."

"We would argue it is since my client was never notified..." Her lawyer spoke.

"The State did conduct a thorough and year-long search for any relatives." Linden scowled a little, not liking her tone.

"And Ellie told me that she was dead." I  motioned to her.

She took the chance to speak, "The loss of my daughter is a regret that I will carry for the rest of my life. I spent years searching for her. I hired private investigators. I was too late, but thank God I found Noah. I wanna make amends, to be there for him in a way that I wasn't for Ellie."

"He's a child, my child, not a way for you to alleviate your guilt." I blurted out as Trevor tried to stop me.

"Lieutenant Benson, please." Linden warned.

"I don't know what her intentions are. She's a stranger to me," I looked to her straining my next words, "to Noah."

"I granted this hearing because my concern is what's best for Noah. I would like to hear what his grandmother has to say." Linden looked to her again, "Mrs. Porter?"

"I have no intention of ripping a little boy from the only home he has ever known, but I have serious reservations about Ms. Benson's fitness to parent."

I let out an annoyed sighed, Trevor patting my arm as I closed my eyes to stay calm. I knew this was coming, I just wish it would go away. _**Wishful thinking right?**_

"How so?"

"My PI became aware of Noah's existence from an ACS investigation for suspected child abuse." She raised her voice slightly.

"That investigation is closed." I stated as I stood up. I wasn't going to let her use it against me, I did nothing wrong.

Trevor stood beside me and finished my statement for me, "Your Honor, and it has absolutely no bearing on the validity of the adoption."

"There was no findings of wrongdoing." I added as he motioned for me to stop.

"I understand that there were bruises." Shelia stood and looked at me angry before turning to the judge.

"There were bruises on Noah because I saved him from almost being hit by a cab." I glared over at her, "I love my son. I would never, ever, do anything to hurt that boy. I want what's best for him. I always have."

"If you really cared about what's best for him, you wouldn't deny him a relationship with his grandmother, his only living blood relative." She wouldn't look away from me as she spoke. 

I felt the dig,  _ **Blood relative... I didn't need to be blood to be his mother. I raised him, I will continue to raise him. I gave him a family.**_ Trevor put his hand on my arm, a sign to stop. To breath and not let her get to me... It worked.

"I may not be able to overturn the adoption, Your Honor, but I am determined to be a part of this little boy's life, for his sake." Her look, it was of a mother being protective. I knew it, I understood it... But she didn't understand what I went through for Noah. _**I am his mother.**_

Linden stopped shortly after that, she wanted to make it work for everyone involved but my phone rang and pulled me away. She concluded for the day and I ran to work, texting sax to see how Noah was doing, smiling a little when she said much better.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

Liv was checking in again, but this time it was great news. Noah was up and eating, food staying down. I got him up and moved to the couch, tucked under blankets and a bowl of applesauce since it was all he wanted. Maybe I could trick him into chicken noodle soup before supper.

"Hey little dude, how ya feelin?" I put my hand to his forehead as he smiled.

"Better." 

"Good. No puke bucket?" I nudged the container on the floor I brought over just in case.

He shook his head, taking a bite before pausing. He looked green and before I could lift the bucket up, he leaned back and coughed. No vomit coming up luckily.

"Ok, rest. You need to sleep more Noah." I turned off the TV, "maybe when you wake up we can try soup."

He nodded and adjusted to a better position. I watched a moment before cleaning up and looking at my phone after it vibrated on my butt.  _ **Why hello dad, what might you need?**_ I unlocked my phone and smiled at the text.

> _**R:** How's your day mi Alma?_
> 
> **_A:_ ** _Not to bad papa. Noah hasn't thrown up since this morning. I've only took three showers today._
> 
> **_R:_ ** _Thank you for helping out. I know Liv is very thankful._
> 
> **_A:_ ** _I know, she keeps saying so._
> 
> _**A:** How's work?_
> 
> **_R:_ ** _busy as usual. Hopefully I won't be too late getting home. With any luck liv will beat me there._
> 
> **_A:_ ** _No need to rush, I can handle Noah. You guys just work on putting away bad guys._
> 
> **_R:_ ** _Te amo Alma, por siempre y siempre.(I love you Alma, forever and always.)_
> 
> **_A:_ ** _por siempre y siempre (forever and always.)_

I sat the phone down and looked at Noah sleeping on the couch. I would be cleaning it here soon, god knows I will scrub the couch clean after Noah goes to bed. I don't want the flu being spread around.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

Liv had just called me down to her office, something happened with the recent case. I rushed down seeing how late it was, figuring I could hurry her up and we could get home to Noah since he was feeling sick. God knows Alma would like some help even though she refused to admit it. I walked in the door and seen her waiting, obviously I wasn't going to like this.

"What's up Liv?"

"Emma Lawrence may not be Emma Lawrence." She looked at me as I was a little dumbfounded by the statement.

"Talk to me."

"The surveillance footage that we found in the park doesn't match her story." She pushed her reading glasses up on her head and had her hair pulled back... She looked exhausted.

"But the family swears it's her." I shook my head a little in disbelief.

"Yes, they do, and the age progression photo is convincing, but you know as well as I do age progression isn't the gold standard." 

"You assumed this girl was telling you the truth. Why wouldn't you?" I reasoned seeing doubt on her face.  _ **Is that doubt?**_

"And she still might be. Either way, something happened to her. There's definitely signs of abuse." She looked down, "I just, I just don't know what to think.... About anything."

I watched her closely,  _ **This isn't the case that has her stressed. That wasn't a reply of the case either.... Did I miss something?**_

"You okay?" I asked, my voice softening.

She swallowed a lump in her throat and walked past me to shut her door. I turned slowly to watch as she pushed a small strand of hair out of her face.

"Ellie Porter's mother showed up at my doorstep. Old door step." She paused and walked over by her couch, turning to me as i stood beside her desk still, "It turns out that Noah has a grandmother."

There was no hiding the shock. My eye brows were raised and I was moving towards her, "I'm sorry?"

She sat down and looked at her hands instead of me, "Yeah, her first move was to try to vacate the adoption. I spent the entire morning in family court."

"Okay, I can tell you that you cannot vacate an adoption, not after three years." I tried to comfort her professionally, sitting beside her on the edge of the seat so I could angle towards her.

She looked up, but still not at me, "I know, the law is on my side, but the judge let her file..." she finally looked at me, "for visitation."

"Oh..." I watched her, looking for any cue on how to proceed, "how do you feel about that?"

"My first instinct is no." She shook her head.

"Right, you wanna protect Noah." 

"That is my instinct, right? Am I preventing this little boy from having a relationship with the only living blood relative that he has?" She looked at me, eyes watering but no tears yet, "With his only connection to Ellie? You know, I used to be so sure that I knew what was best for Noah, but now, as he gets older, I'm just doubting myself at every turn."

I nodded, leaning in slightly to comfort her. I didn't want to see her cry, and I definitely didn't want Noah or alma seeing her this way.

"Well, from what I've heard about raising kids, it never gets any easier." I go for the soft joke, her head turning away but coming back as I spoke, "You can trust your instincts."

Her eyes were turning red, my arms opened up and she tucked into them. She wouldn't actually cry, she would hold it back. I knew this, but in this moment I felt closer to her then ever before. She was close to breaking down, and she actually let me see it.

I squeezed her in tight, "You can."

She nodded into my shoulder and neck, hiding her face for a moment. My eyes closed, attempting to hide my own watering eyes.  ** _She needs to go home, to spend time with Noah. It'll make everything easier, if I can get her to move._** I loosened up, letting her rest a few moments longer before she pulled back and I kissed her head.

"It's late. Noah is still sick.... We should go home." I watched her slowly get up as she nodded.

"Yeah, yeah. Let me grab my purse."

She grabbed her things and stopped by the door as I watched till she got there. I stood and walked up behind her, opening the door after kissing her shoulder.

"Breath. Let's get home to Noah and you'll feel better." 

She nodded and went back to her steel face, hiding her red eyes behind her glasses as we walked out and went home. To worried about her to think more on the subject. I wanted her safe, sound minded. Getting her back to Noah would do that. 

We got a taxi, making our way back home in quiet peace. I was leaning against her, her arm around me close to my neck as I slumped against her with a smile. She used her small height advantage, holding me there as we both smiled. Anything to make sure she was ok, and I know how she loves showing I'm shorter. I kissed her hand as we pulled up, she let go and followed me out as I paid for the ride. I knew her head was a million miles away but, I could bring her back somehow.  _ **If only I can get her to talk it out.**_

"Hey Rafa." She smiled as I started to unlock the door, "can we talk? I mean after I check on Noah."

I nodded, "of course." 

She moved past as I held the door open for her before stepping in and locking it. Sax sat on the edge of the couch, looking at us and giving a defeated smile.

"Noah is down for bed. He is checking out ok and ate more.... Hopefully tomorrow or the day after he'll be ok." She hugged Liv and then me.

"I guess I'll check in then." Liv ran upstairs and Alma looked at me as I didn't hide my worry well.

"She told you."

I looked at her, "you knew?"

"She made me promise not to tell." She shrugged and kissed my cheek, "I'm sorry."

"No, no you always keep promises." I kissed her head and ran a small strand of hair out of her face so I could trace over the tattoo, "I raised such a beautiful girl."

"Don't be too greedy, abuelita almost seen me more then you did." She looked at the couch, "I need to clean that."

"I got it. Give me a little time waster till Liv comes back down." She smiled and hugged me really quick.

"Gracias papá, de noche.(Thanks papa, night.)"

"Buenas noches mi alma(Good night my soul.)" 

 She ran up the steps and I grabbed the furniture cleaner. I spray down that section and let it sit a moment before giving a soft scrub. Same routine Mami showed me when sax was little and sick.  _ **Clean house, safe house. No germs spreading**_. I opened a bottle of wine, pouring two glasses, smirk on my face as Liv wrapped her arms around me again.

"I could've done that, least I can do with you two being so helpful." She kissed my cheek and I shook my head.

"No, you live here. You're practically family. No somos yo y alma, soy yo, tú, alma y Noah. Recuerdo familiar(It's not me and alma, it's me, you, alma, and Noah. Family remember.)" I sat down slowly on the dry area of the couch and was met with Liv beside me facing me, a glass of wine in our hands.

"So what did you want to talk about?" I started.

 "This Noah thing, I'm thinking about letting Shelia Porter meet him." She watched my face, looking for a reaction.

"Are you sure?"

"No... That's the problem." She sipped the wine, "I don't know if it's best."

"She is family, Noah deeserves to know at least one blood relative." I stopped, "we are his family, squad and all but maybe he would benefit from it."

She looked down, watching the wine swirl around. Her mind way off, I just didn't know what to say to fix it.

"Liv, whatever you want to do. You know we will support you." I reached over and squeezed her hand, "no matter what."

"yeah, I know." she nodded, "I want to do it here. You and sax included... If Noah is ok with it."

"It would be best." I watched her take in a deep breath, obviously still unsure.

"I'll talk with him tomorrow, if he's up to it well do it tomorrow night." 

"Lo que sea que diga amor(Whatever you say love.)" I smirked as she leaned in for a kiss, "let Alma know too. You have all the information, it's your decision."

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

 It was close to Noah's bedtime, I was cuddled up to raf as sax had Noah upstairs doing something. I was trying to enjoy the moment, but I was too worried about Shelia coming over. Raf noticed and was about to say something when the door rang. He kissed me once and let me walk out the front door to talk with her a moment alone.

It was a little chilly, not to bad as I tugged the sweater a little tighter. I stood facing her and smiled,  _ **Dont be wrong about this...**_  

"Hey." She looked at me.

"Thank you for meeting me." I offered my hand, "I just wanted to talk."

"I don't wanna be your enemy." She sighed, a little worried as she looked at me.

"No, you are-you are my son's grandmother. I don't think that we should be dealing with each other in a court room." 

"I realize that my showing up at your door, that could not have been easy for you. The last thing I wanna do is cause stress for you or for Noah."

"I appreciate that."

"I didn't know how else to get your attention." She bit her lip, then made eye contact as she was tearing up, "You know, I-I used to think that Ellie never listened to me, but it was me. I wasn't saying anything she wanted to hear. I didn't see her. What she wanted."

"May I ask you What happened?" I watched as she tugged her jacket tighter to her as well.

"Normal teenager acting out. She had a boyfriend, a little older. My husband hated him. No one was good enough for his little girl. She started using drugs. The angrier my husband got, the more Ellie withdrew. He called the police on her once. My husband said we had to let her go. Tough love. He was convinced it was the right thing to do." She paused and shooked her head, "I believed him.... He died a year after Ellie left home. I lost my husband and my daughter. I don't want to lose my grandchild."

"I want what's best for my son." I looked at her, my gut still split but I knew the right thing.

"So what do we do now?" She asked and I opened the door slowly.

I motioned her in, stopping her just inside the door, "I thought you might want to see Noah. It's almost bed time but he just got over a cold and probably will need a story to go to bed."

I watched her smile a little, obviously a little surprised even though I asked her to come. Raf was walking this way, his old Harvard sweats and a plain black shirt. He walked over to me and kissed me on the cheek, whispering in my ear.

"I made us some popcorn and put in a movie. It'll distract you for a moment or two." He pulled back and smiled at Shelia, "Rafael Barba."

"Shelia Porter." She smiled and shook his hand, "and who are you may I ask?"

It wasn't in a mean way, just a little curious probably because the PI didn't include it in his report to her. At least I would guess that.

"Boyfriend."

"Ah." She nodded, "lovely home you have."

"Thank you," he smiled and looked at me, "it's still a work in progress."

"I'll be in in a moment Rafa." I nodded and he walked back around to the living room.

* * *

_**Noah** _

* * *

Sax had helped me off the floor where we were playing with blocks. She walked me to my door and paused a second, kneeling in front of me.

"Are you ready, Noah?"

"Yes." 

"Okay, so, bro, listen to me." She smiled, "Like you and mommy talked about, if you feel uncomfortable, or you don't wanna do this, you tell someone, okay?"

"Okay." 

"You whisper it in my ear - like we do, okay?" She watched as I nodded.

"Okay."

"Okay." She took a deep breath and motioned me down the steps. 

I took off down them till I got to the front door. A lady stood there that I didn't recognize, mommy was beside her and Sax was behind me. I stood their a moment in silence before she spoke.

"This must be Noah." She smiled, "He's perfect."

"So Noah, this is Sheila." Mommy bent down beside me, "Honey, can you say hello?"

"Hello." I waved.

"Hello, Noah." She smiled at me, "It is so very nice to finally meet you. I'm your grandmother."

"Hi, Grandma." I blinked as I seen mommy smile.

"Hi." The lady gave a small laugh, "You and I we're gonna get to know each other. Would that that be okay?"

"Okay." I shrugged.

"I'm glad." She looked at her bag and started to pull something out, "And I brought some books. I thought maybe I could read to you."

"Sure." I shrugged again as mommy stood up and off to the side.

"Sure." She smiled.

"Do you want to see my room?" I asked.

The lady looked at mommy and mommy nodded, so she turned back to me, "Yes, I would love to see your room. Thank you."

I turned around and ran up to my room past sax as she rolled her eyes and spoke to the nice lady, "here, let me show you since he's already out of sight."

Sax walked her to my room and smiled as she stepped in, "my name is Saxon, if you need anything I'm right across the hall."

Sax nodded to me and then went to her room, I looked at the nice lady and smiled.

"You ready for that book?"

I nodded and she sat beside me on the bed, a book in hand as I listened. She wasn't as good as mommy or Lucy, but she wasn't bad... I liked her. I hope she stays around.


	23. Growing pains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv let's Sheila help with Noah.  
> Sax spends a little time with Sheila and Noah.  
> Raf tries to get a read on Sheila to help Liv and sax with their doubts.

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

A couple nights after Sheila came over to tuck Noah in, I began asking if maybe she could be around more. Noah seemed to like her and between Sax and Lucy, maybe a little time with his grandma could be good. But of course supervised, I wasn't too sure if I could trust her yet.

I walked into the bull pin, sending a text to Sax about Sheila coming over for a while. I knew she wouldn't mind and she would take care of Noah if anything happened. I looked up and sonny comes over, a file in hand.

A six year old boy was kidnapped from a drug fueled party. I knew this was bad but spending all day with the mom and her ex-wife was worse. The whole day went by and we found nothing, struggling for every clue and to find the poor boy. The mom was worried about us judging her and it was hard for me not to when that's all she could think of. Just when I was afraid that I would have e to go home and pray to get woke up from my peaceful sleep beside raf for the miracle of Theo being found, Amanda gave me a small piece of good news... Late into this day, knowing we only had a little while before I needed sleep.

 "Hey Liv, we found something. Theo's nanny's brother was there. We caught him loading a rolled up rug into a van." 

I sighed, "was she in the rug?"

"Can't tell." She shook her head, "Carisi and Fin are on their way to get the brother."

 "Ok... You take Nadine and I'll talk to Fran. Let's find out what they know about the nanny." I rolled my eyes, praying they know something or that the brother talks so I can get sleep tonight.

This case had my head spinning, playing single mom with Noah was hard. _**I worked a lot and Lucy watched him all the time.... I could've been Nadine. Lucy could kidnap Noah because they are so close and he would just go with her. Even sax, he is so close with her already and I know neither would but-but they could. Noah could choose them over me. And even Sheila has more time for him then I do. How can I grow in a relationship when I can't even give all my free time to Noah when he needs me?**_ I sighed and looked at my phone, call from Rafa.

"Hey Rafa, not a great time." I sighed.

"No good news yet?" He was tapping his pen on his desk, "I'm sure he'll turn up soon. A six year old doesn't just disappear."

"Some do." I leaned against the wall for a moment, "did you need something?"

"Just seeing if I should keep the bed warm for you or if you'll be burning the midnight oil."

"I still don't know what time I'm gonna be home. I'm so sorry." 

"Don't worry about it. I understand." A small shuffle came through the phone, "I was about to head home and check on Alma and Noah."

"Sheila will be there probably, she was suppose to see Noah for a while and sax said they were on their way home.... All three."

"Ok." He hummed, "just shoot me a text when you're on your way home. I'll have a warm meal and bed waiting."

"I'll let you know as soon as I can, okay?" I stopped by the door with a small smile as I walked in and Fran looked up, "Thanks Rafa."

I put my phone away and sat down with her, the doctor on edge. Of course she was though, with everything happening before this kidnapping and now... I was praying she got custody somehow.

"Did you find something?" She looked up hopeful.

"Uh, we did on the security footage." I turned the tablet around and showed her the footage, "Does this picture mean anything to you? It was taken a couple blocks from Nadine's apartment, uh, about 4:30 in the morning."

"That's Theo, isn't it, in the carpet?" She stood up shaking her head, "I mean, who loads a truck at 4:00 in the morning?"

"Actually, in New York, that's not so uncommon." I addressed and she stopped and nodded.

"Right, right." She gave a small nervous laugh.

"Look, you've got you've got a lot on your mind, okay?" 

"Yeah, I feel like I'm losing my mind." She turned away and was holding her head.

I put my hand on her shoulder and motioned her to sit down, "Have a seat, okay? Have a seat."

"Okay, thanks." She sighed and sat down, still completely lost, "You must be used to talking to people on the worst night of their lives."

"I am." I sat beside her, "But as a doctor, I'm sure that you've had a few rough conversations yourself."

"Yeah." She gave a small chuckle that lead to a sniffle, "When Nadine and I decided to get pregnant, one option was that both of us get inseminated, and then I thought, how would that work? You know, both of us pregnant? How is that practical? I really wanted to take care of her."

"Hey, I certainly understand the impulse." I tried to bond with her, to give her a more comforting feeling.

"The problem is.." she sighed, "you take care of someone, you become their mother. It's not sexy anymore. They get bored. They resent you."

I nodded, listening to her carefully. It wasn't the first time a victim told a story like this, it wouldn't be the last either.

"No wedding ring." She wiped her nose, "Are you in a relationship, Lieutenant?"

"Uh, actually..." I started to speak when she shook her head.

"I'm so sorry." She gave a nervous laugh, "I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry."

"That's okay, that's okay." I sighed as she settled down, "I am seeing someone. A wonderful man."

She smiled, "Anybody ever get it right?"

"That's a good question." I smiled,  _ **I really hope I did.**_

"I really-I really thought Nadine and I would be together forever. That's why I didn't rush to adopt Theo. You know, he was-he was just a baby and I was working so much. I was really busy, so Then I looked up one day, and, uh, bam, he was six, and I lost my chance." She blinked back tears and looked at me, "You think I lost my chance?" 

I was about to speak when we found a strong lead. Luckily so, because I didn't know what to say. I have never let a case get my head this mixed.  ** _Am I doing what is best for Noah? Am I thinking of myself more then my son? I like raf, I think I might even love him... But I didn't think of Noah with him. Noah seemed to like him, he was uncle Rafa.... And he loves Sax. But is it right?_** I shook my head and tried to focus on the case again, because the less I thought about anything else right now... The better.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was at the park with Noah, gloves and baseball ready as we played catch. His face had the biggest grin as we went back and forth. His laughter was sweet as I purposely missed on a few.

"You sure you don't want to be a pitcher there Noah, you've been striking me out just in catch." I smiled.

"But you have a good arm too! I bet you could pitch good." He threw the ball back. 

"No my softball game was weak, too busy with dance classes." I rolled my eyes, "I wasn't even close to your arm Noah Syndergaard."

"But you will be famous, mom said you were starring on Broadway." 

"Not starting and one show won't make me famous. I'm just a teen Noah." I chuckled, "do you really think I'm that good?"

"Yeah. You could be Kristin Chenoweth." He smiled.

"I don't think I can sing that high." I giggled, "that might just be a little to good for me."

We were about to give up and head home when someone called Noah's name. I tensed and looked over, barely recognizing the woman walking over.

"Hi Grandma." Noah waved.

"Hi Noah." She smiled and turned to me, "I'm sorry, I forget your name."

"Saxon. Saxon D'onofrio." I smiled and shook her hand.

"You are his nanny?" She asked.

"No, I'm Rafael's daughter." I looked her over really quick, "I'm helping with Noah so Lucy can have a little time off."

"Oh, sorry the last names threw me off." She gave a smile and it didn't sit well with me.

Noah tosses the ball at the fence but missed catching it. I laughed as he ran to grab it, just a little ways out of ear shot. Which was great because I didn't want him close for the next question.

"Child of divorce?" 

"No, mother died giving birth. I took her last name as a way to honor her with my stage name." I was very careful now, Sheila wasn't sitting well with me at all.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. I was just wondering since your dad and Noah's mom are..." She nodded, "just concerned about my grandson."

"Yeah, I understand." I was watching Noah come back over, "we were just finishing up here. A small snack then going home to do school work."

"Snow cone?" He lit up.

"Ok, snow cone but up to two flavors only." I smiled as he took my glove and put it in his backpack, "deal?"

"Deal." He took off running.

"Hey Noah, don't run." I called and took his hand, "walk it."

He walked with me, his other hand holding Sheila's. I let go as we got within a few feet of the truck, Sheila didn't for a few more steps. I was watching her closely now, liking her less by the second but sucking it up. We ate our shaved ice and went back to the house, I left them alone for a moment upstairs in his room when I heard the door.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

it was going to be a long day for Liv, she told me not to wait on her and to get home. I decided not to push knowing she had a lead on the missing child and went back to my Alma, infact she met me at the door.

"Buenas noches mi alma, Cómo estuvo tu día?(Good evening my soul, how was your day?)"

"Ok." She shrugged.

"Where's Noah?" I looked to the steps but she tugged my hand.

"Can we talk a moment? I need to say something." She pulled me into the kitchen and turned the microwave on with nothing in it before looking at me, "No me gusta Sheila(I don't like Sheila.)"

 "Por qué(Why?)" I leaned back a little to lean against the kitchen island. 

"Ella me frota por el camino equivocado, no sé lo que era exactamente. Tal vez estaba extremadamente nerviosa o incómoda pero ... pero está levantando una bandera roja conmigo.(She rubs me the wrong way, I don't know what it was exactly. Maybe she was extremely nervous or uncomfortable but-but she is raising a red flag with me.)" She looked at me and I sighed.

"Alma..." I reached past her and turned off the microwave, "...this isn't our choice..."

"I know. Fue decisión de Liv y no estoy diciendo nada además de que quizás debería pensar menos como un policía y más como una madre en esto.(It was Liv's decision and I am not saying anything besides maybe she should think less like a cop and more like a mom on this.)" She crossed her arms and closed her eyes, "I'm just worried."

"Ok fine." I kissed her head, "let me get a read on her."

She smiled and sighed, "do I sound bad saying this?"

"No I understand." I smiled and pulled back, "have Noah come down for a movie. Invite her to stay. I'll watch it with them and you make a delicious supper. Porque eres un cocinero increíble y estoy engordando tu comida.(Because you are an amazing cook and I am getting fat off your food.)" She chuckled and gave me that sweet laughter I wanted from her as I kissed her head once again and pushed her towards the door playfully, "go. I'll get it started."

She smiled and ran upstairs, I went to work on finding a movie. A few minutes later Noah came running in and tackling me as I shut the door on the DVD player.

"Uncle Rafa!" He smiled as I hugged him back, "hey buddy, you want to watch movie with me?"

He nodded and looked at Sheila, "can grandma stay and watch?"

I shrugged, "if she doesn't mind baseball. I put in field of dreams, I think you'll like it Noah."

He smiled at her, "do you?" 

She smiled, "I might be able to spare a bit."

She took a seat and Noah laid down with his feet on her lap and head on mine. This only lasted for a few minutes before she adjusted to lay with her instead. I watched the movie and tried to keep an eye on her in my peripheral. She seemed attached to Noah but nothing to serious once you thought about her story, or what Liv told me. I knew I would be chatting with her tonight, maybe she needed to talk to Sheila a little more. A little over halfway, sax called for us to eat and Sheila took the chance to leave. Luckily Liv got home, taking her seat and eating before sax whisked Noah upstairs do we could talk.

"Hey Liv, you ok?"

She nodded and walked over to help me with dishes, "yeah, it's just this case." 

I nodded and handed her the dish, "I thought you found Theo?"

"Yeah we did." She sighed, "but it was just, hard. All the details and I ended up, I was.... I was thinking about Noah."

"How so?" I frowned as she helped me along.

"Single mom that has a nanny practically raising her son." Liv started and I stopped her immediatly.

"Liv you are a great mom. Noah loves you. Noah wouldn't leave you for Lucy because you work to much." I laid it out plain and simple.

"Except he already used that. Lucy wouldn't make me... He even said he would rather with Lucy before." 

"He didn't mean it. He's just a little boy Liv." I looked over and wrapped my arms around her, holding my wet hands away from her white shirt, "you know he didn't mean it, it was pure frustration."

"I know, doesn't make it easier." She closed her eyes, "Noah tells me I work too much. He says it all the time. I missed part of hid tee ball game because of work and he was so disappointed."

"He understood though. He doesn't hold it against you."

"Except when he's angry." She shook her head, "if one thing we're to go wrong again and Sheila... She could have the smallest chance to vacate the adoption...."

"It wouldn't happen. No judge would do it." I made her look at me, "besides he loves you, even when he's angry."

She smiled and kissed me, pulling back and nodding, "I know. And he has a little family now, not just me and the squad stopping by to drag work home."

"They stay outside this door." I smiled, "I can lock them out, to much of them make me break out in hives."

She chuckled, "and me?"

"Well...." She slapped my shoulder as we both laughed, "I think your good but maybe we should test it again."

I kissed her and savored her chuckles that rumbled my lips, "you're safe. But if you expect me to kiss all the squad to find out I might just have to change my answer."

"Maybe just sonny." She smirked and I faked a gag as she laughed, "then you'll burn the house down."

"With me in it." I made a small drink, "I think you just made my meal start it's way back up."

She rolled her eyes at me, "whatever. You'd never waste a meal sax made."

I froze but ended up nodding,  _ **She knew me too well.**_ I sat down on a stool and kicked one out a little for her, she graciously accepted it.

"So, going back a little and mentioning Sheila Porter.... What do you think of her?" I took a sip and she raised a brow.

"I don't know. She seems like any grandmother that just found out she had a grandson from her dead daughter." She shrugged, "but I don't know many of those."

"And her intentions?"

"Why are you asking this rafa?" She squinted.

I sighed, "imI not too sure about her. Alma was feeling off about her too."

"How so?"

"I don't know... And it might just be the fact she walked in and started a fight before sucking up to Noah and acting like they knew each other forever." I looked at my glass, "I know this probably isn't what you want to hear but, I'm not to sure about her yet."

"Join the club." She sighed, "I want to do what's right for Noah, but this is huge. She is his only blood relative that we know of... I don't know if I should keep him away. Or really if I can."

"I understand, it's a hard choice." 

"How do you know if you're doing the right thing as a parent Rafael?" She looked over at me pleasing.

I had to look up, "you never do. You pick what you believe is right and pray it goes well."

"Does it ever get easier?"

"Not really, by when they turn into a teenager almost overnight... They tend to tell you what they think of everything you do." I knocked back the rest, "but as for Sheila, what if we invite her to dinner and get a clearer idea."

"Invite her over and act like she's a victim? Is that really a good idea?"

"It's up to you Liv, Noah is your son but... I would feel better getting to know her better. Sax doesn't like leaving Noah alone near her...maybe it could stiffle her fears too."

She nodded softly, "ok, I'll see what I can do."

I kissed her cheek before pulling her up to her feet, "good, now... About those hivs."

I winked and she walked with me to the bedroom. The doors all closed and locked, Noah asleep and alma locked in her room.... Soon we would be too, only I hope she wasn't doing what I was about too.


	24. Family dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Barba's and Benson's have dinner with Sheila.

* * *

**_Olivia_ **

* * *

****After my discussion with Rafa, I took Sheila to lunch to ask her over for dinner. I figured he was right, maybe we should get a read on her. I was still unsure and another set of brains might help this along, figuring Rafa and Sax would be open minded in the matter. So of course she said yes, I told her when and then passed on the news. We had a day to decide what to do, strangely enough... The decisions were all mine.

I sat at the kitchen island with Rafa and Sax as I spoke, "so what's the plan? What meal should we expect?"

Sax shook her head, "Nope, your pick. I just cook it." She raised her hand.

I look to Rafa and he shook his head, "Whatever you and Noah wants, I can help Sax if she needs it."

"Ok, how about something you do really well." I shrugged, "What did you make for us on our first date?"

"Mexican lasagna." She nods, "I could definitely do that."

Raf closed his eyes and whispered, "that damn lasagna is going to kill me."

I chuckled as Sax punched his shoulder, "chill."

He rolled his eyes but focused, helping to plan out the evening for tomorrow. He would get off on time and rush home to help Sax and Noah with what's left. They would set the table and make sure they looked neat for the dinner and I would be home shortly after with some luck. I kissed him as a thank you and gave Sax a hug before she went to bed. She would be at practice all day till just a little after school, she would take Noah from Lucy and make sure the house looks good before Sheila gets there. Not that she hadn't seen it but, I wanted to make sure she didn't have anything to argue about. No issues, just a simple family meal and getting to know grandma Sheila. A small part of me was scared, I didn't want to find anything wrong but I didn't want to paint her an saint. 

The next day, I was about to be heading home as Rafa sent me a text. Sheila had just gotten there, she was playing with Noah why they finished the meal. It was a little early but I just looked past it, moving on to get home and be there. Luckily it wouldn't take long.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I was pulling the lasagna out and setting it to cool. Alma had gotten the plates down and set out everything to set the table as little Noah came running down the steps with Sheila behind him slowly. He grabbed a stack and started to set the table, I poured the three glasses of wine, and alma alma took care of her and Noah's juice. He smiled, having his grandma help him along and we watched just a little, praying Liv would get home soon. 

"So what are we having?" She asked as she set the last plate and Noah finished the silverware.

"Mexican lasagna." Alma smiled, "my own recipe."

Noah smiled, "mmmmmm."

"I don't even know what that is?" She fakes a smile and before I spoke, I heard that sweet voice.

"It's delicious, that's all that matters." Liv walked down the short hall and gave me a kiss before helping move the glasses over, "sorry I'm late."

 "It's fine, we know it was work." Sheila smiled as she sat down.

I kissed Liv's cheek and whispered in her ear, "Everything is ready, let's just eat as a family and be kind."

She nodded and I pulled out her seat for her and took mine as Alma walked in the hot pan. Me and Liv might be the only open minded ones at the table but that could change by the time this was over, I wanted to know all about Sheila to keep my family safe.  _ **My family... My family.**_ He smiled at that thought, Liv and Noah was already family to him and alma. The moment was cut short however as Alma took his plate and gave him a slice as Liv nudged him.

"So Noah, you like hanging out with Grandma Sheila?" Liv asked as everyone slowly started to eat, Sheila picking at the lasagna.

"Yeah she likes talking about ellie." He smiled, "I wish I got to meet Ellie."

The table went quiet and alma was looking at us and Liv looked a little less sure about this now. Sheila had a little look of confusion, I just didn't think it felt real.

"Sorry, honey, what did you say? What did Grandma Sheila say?" Liv asked.

"She said that Ellie loved me so much." He smiled and kept eating.

I placed my hand on Liv's knee and gave a small squeeze, obviously this wasn't what she wanted. She told me and alma both very sternly about Ellie not being mentioned until she knew how to tell him about everything and answer his questions. It was a daunting task, one she was ready for. She looked at Sheila and alma quickly took her plate.

"Hey Noah, let's let the adults talk. We can eat downstairs with the radio on." She smiled and got Noah to join her, hiding out in her dance room while Liv was trying to find words to address this without causing a massive fight.

Sheila looks up as I was praying Liv would stay calm. I gave another squeeze, sitting ym silverware down as Liv did too.  _ **Why would she.... Why? Why mention Ellie when she knew Noah didn't know about her.**_ I closed my eyes and slowly looked over as she spoke.

"Um, you you okay? Did I do something?" Sheila looked over at her.

"Sheila, Noah doesn't know about Ellie. I specifically told you that I hadn't told him yet."

"I know, and I just said it without thinking. Really, he was asking so many questions, and I know Ellie loved him." She tried to give an excuse, to make it sound smaller then it was but Liv wasn't happy.

"What was your plan if he asked you what happened to her? If he asked you why she gave him up? If he asked you where he spent the first year of his life, what was your plan?" She snapped and I put and hand over hers, hoping to calm her a little.

"I wasn't thinking. I really wasn't, and I'm very sorry."

"Noah's family is...is... your family is complicated. That little boy is _five years old_." She stressed, "When he is old enough, and when he is ready, he is going to hear the truth, but, until then, Sheila, you have to discuss these things with me first."

"You are absolutely right. It will never happen again, I promise you." 

"I think we all need to take a breath." I looked at Liv, "it has happened. We regroup and move on with an understanding of what we need to do with Noah."

Liv nodded, squeezing my hand back as she was calming down.

"Olivia, this has been, all of it, wonderful I really just want this to work." Sheila pleaded softly.

"So do I." Liv took a breath.

"Can you forgive me?"

"Of course." Liv nodded and smiled, I still seen the gears turning in her head, "We're both new at this."

"Thank you." 

"Hey Rafa, can you give us a moment. I want talk to her alone." Liv kissed my cheek as I looked at the lasagna I was destined not to eat and nodded.

I got up to leave and went down to check on Alma and Noah. Before I got in the room I heard laughing and giggles by the bottom of the stairs. I peeked through the door and alma was singing and wiggle dancing to some music from an old black and white silent film as Noah laughed and ate. She seen me and waved me in.

"Everything ok?"

"Of course. Solo un malentendido (Just a misunderstanding.)" I shrugged, "and you two?"

"Divirtiéndose(Having fun.)" She smiled and patted the floor by the mirror wall, "sit."

I sat down with them and she noticed I didn't have a plate, "Liv wanted to speak with her privately."

"And you forgot your plate." She shook her head and handed over hers with a mere bite from the corner, "I wasn't that hungry."

"You need to eat Alm...."

"Y lo haré papá, solo que no ahora.(And I will dad, just not right now.)" She kissed my cheek, "ok?"

I nodded as she picked up her phone and hit play, the old black and white movie continuing on with a mild bit of laughing.

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

"Sheila, I really want this to work. I want my son to know his only blood relative, but I am his mother. I am only looking out for his best interest and what keeps him safe and feeling loved."

"I understand." She adds and I shook my head.

"No I don't think you do. I found him when he was a baby, watched him go from foster home to Foster home before I adopted him. I have been there for everything that ever happened to him since then and have given him a family that loves and supports him. Not just Rafael and Saxon, but my squad as well." I ran my fingers through my hair, "Noah is my main concern, he always comes first in my life. I wasn't ready to explain what happened to him and he is to young to hear it."

"I didn't mean to do anything to hurt him, I was just trying to talk about something we had in common and Ellie was my daughter..." She smiled softly, "he reminds me so much of Ellie."

"But he isn't. He is Noah Porter-Benson. He is my son and he isn't Ellie." I stopped myself there, I didn't want her to constantly be thinking like that... Like Noah was her second chance as a mother. 

"I know." She sighed, "but it's hard finding out that your abused drug addict daughter had a son and you never knew about him. Or when the PI found the child abu.."

"It was an accident. He had marks because I pulled him out from in front of a car." I glared, "I am a good mother, I love my son... I want what is best for him."

"And me being in his life is best." She pleaded, looking truly desperate.

"I believe so, but under my rules. Can you do that Sheila?"

"Of course Olivia." She smiled and I nodded, "I never meantto step on your toes and I'm sorry. Ellie is off limits."

I sighed, "thank you."

She took the chance to leave, I didn't offer to bring Noah up because she was out the door already. I felt bad, I didn't want to start a war but she was still questionable to me... And my family. I went downstairs, checking in on everyone and smiling as I saw sax's phone attached to a project playing a old silent film. Everyone laughing and raf waving me in and over. He put his arm around me and kissed my cheek as Noah dived for my lap.  _ **I'll give her one more chance. One last try to be in Noah's life. I'm not risking his happiness and childhood on a stranger doesn't think things through well. Not when I have so much more family that cares about him and doesn't relate him to his dead mother. I'm his mother. The only one he ever knew.**_ I smiled and tucked in tighter to raf,  ** _We have all the family we truly need right now._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's really short, sorry. Next weeks should be better.


	25. A big evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax's debut on stage gets a little soured.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

It was early morning, my heart racing as I got up. I was practically shaking, no surprise as I realized what today was. It didn't help that I had a knock at the door in seconds, and dad was smiling bigger then mine as he sat down beside me. 

"Good morning." 

"Buenos días, terminemos con esto(Good morning now let's get this over with.)" I smiles as he hugged and squeezed me, kissing my head.

"Estoy tan orgulloso de ti. Eres la hija más hermosa, dulce y talentosa que un hombre podría tener.(I'm so proud of you. You are the most beautiful, sweet, talented daughter a man could have.)" 

I giggled and shifted to squeeze back, "I know papa. I know."

"Are you excited? Probably nervous though you have no need to be." He pulled back a little, "and you know I will be there in the theater along with Liv and Noah. We wouldn't miss it."

"I know papa." I kissed his cheek, "now I need to get ready and get going. They want to do an extra run through to make sure I'm good with the part."

"I know, I know." He just smiled and walked by the door before turning back around, "you know I'm proud of you. You accomplished your dream and have turned into such a strong, beautiful, and caring woman.... And you're not even seventeen yet."

"Love you too Papa." I smiled, "tu alma, por siempre y para siempre(your soul, forever and always.)"

"Por siempre y siempre mi dulce alma.(Forever and always my sweet soul.)" He patted the door frame softly as he left.

Today was going to be my big day, the first day on a Broadway stage performing and hopefully the beginning of a career. This was my make it or break it moment, with support from my family because I know she would be there and even Daniel would be there to see it. Today was going to be good even if I had to white knuckle and bare my teeth to make it so. 

I got up and tugged on clothes, high structure leggings and a lose t-shirt. Converse and my hair in a ponytail with bandana on as well. I was ready for a fight, I was ready to work my ass off and make my name known. I grabbed my cotton biker jacket as I passed the hook on my way to the kitchen. Dad was cooking french toast, my favorite. He trimmed off the crust and rolled it up with peanut butter in the middle before cooking it. Noah was at the table watching and starving, Liv chuckling from the living room as she was on the phone with someone from the squad.

"No I understand. You have to do what's best for you." She turned away and I looked back to dad.

"Ok Alma, remember what comes next?" 

"A flip." I smirked, "can you still do it papa?"

"Don't insult me Alma. I may be old but I still have skills." He did the quick motion and got air and caught it again as Noah laughed.

"Good job Rafa."

"See Noah didn't doubt me." He teased as I walked over and hugged Noah.

"Yeah but he still thinks your old." I giggled as he laughed and whispered in his ear, "He might just be older then your mommy. I don't know for sure."

He giggled and dad raised a brow, "excuse me? What did you say to make him laugh like that?"

"Rubbish. I'm just a funny person so he laughs at anything I say." I winked and he rolled his eyes.

"You're lucky I love you." He rolled a few onto a plate for me and a few for Noah. 

I leaned on the counter and ate them slowly as Noah sat on a stool and ate his. Dad made a few more for him and Liv, now that she was off the phone. She say down beside Noah and ate up as he finished up.

"What are we doing after school sax?" Noah smiled and I frowned.

"I'm sorry buddy, I have a full day with the show."

Liv jumped in, "grandma Sheila will pick you up and have some time with you before sax's show tonight."

"Ok." He smiled and hugged me as I finished the small cup of coffee dad had waiting for me.

I sat it down and waved as I ran out, off to make sure everything was ready... My Broadway debut.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I smiled as she left, "I can't believe it."

Liv chuckled, "you are one proud papa today. I'm surpisurp if you don't tell everyone at work."

"Not everyone, just Carmen." I waved that off as she chuckled, "so Noah, what did she whisper to you?"

"I don't think I can tell you." 

"Why not?" I raised a brow.

"It's a secret."

"Did she say so? Did she tell you not too?"

Noah shook his head, "she said 'He might just be older then your mommy. I don't know for sure."

Liv laughed as i tried to hide my laughter.  _ **She is your daughter after all.**_ Liv sent Noah to get his book bag and coat, taking the moment to talk. She turned to me and sighed.

"Amaro is leaving. He can't stand the distance between him and his kids." Liv frowned, "Stabler just left, Amaro is leaving... I'm down two detectives."

"You still have fin, Rollins, and Carisi." I lean over towards her, "it'll work out."

She nods, "yeah, l know... It just makes the job harder." 

I gave her a quick kiss, "best get Noah to school, Todavía tengo que encontrar ropa para el trabajo.(I still have to find clothes for work.)"

She chuckled again as she went to get Noah, "you sound more like the woman then me."

I cleaned up the kitchen and ran upstairs to get changed. Luckily, I have my routine perfected and I am ready in no time heading to my office. I get through the door, Carmen walking in right behind me going over everything.

"One message from the DA about the Hudson case. Four calls from reporters. You mom called and left a message..." She hand me the note, "she's expecting a call before noon since she didn't call your cell. Oh and congratulations, to you and Saxon."

"Thank you, can you get me six long stem roses and you are an amazing assistant." I smiled as she handed me the card.

"They will be here by noon. They are all the white and red ones that she likes." Carmen smiled, "tell her congratulations from me tonight."

"Of course, she knows you are a fan." I tucked the card into my briefcase so I could get a few more signatures, "to much?"

"Not from you. She'll understand." Carmen stepped out and shut the door. 

I started with Mami, making sure she was good for tonight. I was glancing over notes as I called the DA, he seemed pleased with the progress. I took a quick look in the mirror and rushed off to the courtroom to finish out this work day. My only thoughts were on my tux, what Liv would wear, and seeing Alma exactly were she always dreamed of.

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I was in the office trying to focus on the new case just handed in. So far today everything was going down hill and I was just trying trying to keep my head above water. I didn't want to lean on Rafa and ruin this day for him, so I was pushing through and hiding my frustrations. Everything was hitting at once, I had ninety-nine problems and no solutions. 

"Hey Liv," fin stepped in, "the Moore's are in the intevinte room. Do you want to take it or should I?"

"I will, just give me a moment." I pulled my glasses off and picked up the file.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, just too much at once." I blew out some air and got up, "ok."

I went into the interview room and did the interview. The case is still very holey, so much is missing and I wasn't ready to talk to rafa about it. Not until we had more.... But sometimes it's out of your hands. As the Moore's left, Rafa came in and smiled as he stopped by me.

"So, let's play catch you on these cases." He smiled and sat down at my desk as I slowly took my seat. 

He seen my body language, looking me over as I sat down. I was just waiting for the question. Struggling to figure out how to brush off the stress so he didn't lose his high.

"What's up?" He asked as he tipped his head.

"Nothing just a lot of case work." I sighed, "Rollins and Amaro are off on one. Carisi working another. Fin is about to run off to help Carisi and I am trying to figure out how everything will work once I'm down to three."

"When does Amaro leave?"

"End of the week." I frowned, "but enough of that. Let's get to this case."

"Liv, I know it's a big day for Alma and I'm really happy but, you can always talk to me." He took my hand from across the desk, "remember that."

I nodded and pushed on with the case and moving forward through everything. He would get me warrants and have everything ready for a grand jury day after tomorrow. When it was about time for him to run to court on our current case, he stopped by the door and reached in to pull out a card.

"Carmen got a card to go with the roses I wanted. I figured you can get the squad to sign it and bring it along home."

"Sure, it's the least I can do." I gave him a quick kiss and watched him head off on his way. 

 _ **Everything will be great tonight. Just breathe....work isn't ruining his mood, you can't either.**_ I waited till everyone got back and had them sign it. Giving her this card before the show would be more then enough good luck for sax to shine on the stage.

* * *

_**Noah** _

* * *

School was just getting out and I was coming out the front door when I seen grandma Sheila. She smiled and hugged me before we started our walk.

"How was school Noah?"

"Fun." I smiled, "Grandma Sheila, what are we gonna do today?"

"We'll, I was thinking we could get some ice cream and look around the mall." She smiled.

"Will we be back in time to get ready for Sax's show?" I looked up and she shrugged.

"I don't see where we shouldn't." She looked at me, "so what kinda ice cream do you want?"

"Strawberry!" I bounced as she laughed.

"You know, strawberry does sound good. I think we'll both be having one." 

We went to the mall and got two sundaes. The we went to the toy store and she bought me a new toy and a few books. We were having so much fun I did t realize the time untill we were by the screen showing it.

"Grandma, it's almost time."

She looked at me confused, "time for what?"

"Sax's show. Mommy said we need to be home and ready by seven to make it on time." I blinked.

"We'll it's six fifty, so we'll just have to rush."

She took my hand and we started home. We made it home with no one their and she rushed me to get dressed. I put on the little suit and slipped on the shiny shoes before looking at grandma.

"Aren't you going to the show too?"

"No Noah, grandma has a meeting but I will definitely take you over so you don't miss it." She smiled.

She whisked me off to the theater, getting there about nine ten. She texted mommy and we stood by the door waiting with the door man since I didn't have my ticket with me. Mommy came out quickly and solved the problem before asking me to wait inside a moment. Rafa stood there with me in the packed room of people.

"Hey Noah, wondering where you went." He smiled and gave me a hug.

"Where's sax?"

"She's back stage getting ready for the second half. You came right at intermission luckily." He looked up at the door, waiting on mommy to come back in.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

When it was time to leave, I bolted for the house. I had a couple hours to make sure everyone was ready and to be there on time but perferably a little early to give Alma her card. I showered and slipped into my tux, fixing every detail as I felt lips on my check.

"You look so handsome Rafa." Liv winked as I watched her walk by in her dress. 

A vibrant purple cocktail dress, very simple but elegant. Her hair pushed back softly and wearing heels. I smiled just looking at her,  _ **I am a lucky man. She is truly beautiful and strong.**_

"And you, te ves hermosa cariño.(you look beautiful darling.)" I kissed her softly as she fastened a necklace.

"I just wish I knew where Noah and Sheila were. I told her five thirty at the latest." She frowned and checked her phone, "it's six twenty."

"They'll be here, stop worrying." I smiled, "it's my job to worry."

"I know, can we wait ten more minutes before leaving? We'll still be early enough."

"Of course." I walked over and double checked my hair before heading downstairs to take inventory.

The card was signed and good to go. The roses were in a little case. Mami called and said she was on her way so she would be there a little early. Only thing missing was Noah. Almost ten minutes later, Liv came down and we left. In the taxi, she sent a couple texts before silencing her phone and slipping it into her bag.

"He'll be there. He is fine." I offered as she smiled at me.

"I know."

"You really do look beautiful."

She smiled, "and you truly are handsome in a tux.... And i thought the suits were good."

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I peeked at the phone and laid my bag on the seat. Traffic was horrible and I was tired of looking at the phone to find nothing. I double checked the texts were sent.

> _**O:** Just a reminder Noah has the show tonight. He needs to be home by six._
> 
> **_O:_ ** _Show starts at eight and there is heavy traffic tonight. Please be on time._
> 
> **_O:_ ** _Noah's tux is sitting out and I know he wants to see sax perform. Eight please._

I sighed and looked at Rafa, "Am I making a mistake by letting Sheila in his life."

"That was random." He looked over, "It's a lose lose situation. She's his only blood relative but she doesn't seem to be following your rules. I can't get a clear read on her but it would be wrong to not let her try."

"I just, I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing. Yet I feel worse keeping him from her over something that was an accident." I closed my eyes, "she lost her daughter and found out she had a son only after he was adopted and had an abuse case. Though it wasn't real, I understand her feelings on it. She doesn't know me, Noah is her biological grandson... I can't say I wouldn't do the same."

"Liv, your not his mom because of a piece of paper. You are his mother because you are the only one he ever knew. You have raised him and cared for him before he was legally your child." He took my hand, "you are his mother, blood or not. He loves you and that's what matters."

"Thanks Rafa." I kissed his cheek and sighed as the ride finally came to an end.

We only had twenty minutes till the show started, so I waited by the door for Noah and let raf run back to the stage door and give sax her card and well wishes. She had promised Noah a quick peek backstage and at her dressing room afterwards, now if only Noah could get here. But as I feared, the show was about to start and no Noah. We sat down and I silenced my phone. My only hope that she gets him here before the end of the show. After an hour and an amazing performance by sax so far, I finally got a text as intermission started.

> _**S:** Sorry we're late. Noah is outside with me and the door man. _

I took a deep breath and stepped out to let Noah in and told him to go inside with Rafa by the door. I looked at Sheila and bit my lip.

"We agreed on six. Remember?"

"I know, I'm sorry. I completely forgot with all the fun we were having." She smiled, "but at least he didn't miss the end."

"Sheila, this isn't just a simple Broadway show. Sax is in it and she wanted him here. Noah wanted to be here." I shook my head, "we talked about this. I am transitioning him into another family and trying to let you be here in his life but it's a hassel."

She stopped and looked at me, "a hassel?"

"Yes. And you always say sorry and I'm starting to not believe it. Noah is my son."

"And my grandson. Ellie would've..."

I interrupted, "Ellie left Sheila. She didn't want to be found and didn't want you."

It slipped out and I bit my lip, and dropped my head.  _ **Why did you say it? Why now?**_ I looked up again.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

She nodded, "i know, I know. Enjoy the rest of your night."

She walked off before I could really fix it. I stepped back in and tried to hide it as Rafa was playing with Noah. The show went on and Sax finished on a high. I was thrilled for her as she received a standing ovation and we went to the main hall to wait on her. Just as she promised, a usher moved us to the back and to her dressing room. 

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I had just finished my opening night, I felt amazing and was beaming. As the rest of the cast was wrapping up to go to the after party, I was wiping off makeup so I could go home. The door opened and I smiled, Noah came running in and tackled me before dad had a chance to.

"That was great!" Noah squeezed.

"We'll I'm glad you like it. I have to do a few months worth of it now." I chuckled and then looked at my dad, "ok, where is it."

"Where is what?" He smirked before pulling out the roses and handing them to me with a peck on the forehead, "How does it feel to be a star?"

"I'm not a star after one performance papa." I giggled and kissed his cheek before smelling the roses, "but if you keep buying me roses like this I might say yes."

"By the way, I'm younger." He whispered in my ear, "smartass."

He hugged me and then Liv came over for a hug too. One of the attandents backstage took a picture for us and they went back outside to wait for me to change. After I was back in street clothes, I came out and was surprised that people were waiting at the backdoor for my autograph.  _ **It was one show, I'm not a main character.... They can't all be here for me? Why would they want my autograph, I'm a nobody.**_

"Saxon!" I heard my name called and turned towards a little girl and her dad, "can we get an autograph?"

"Sure." I smiled and bent down and autographed her playbill.

"You're my favorite character." The girl smiled, "you have a pretty voice."

"Thank you. You look beautiful in that dress too." I chuckled as she lit up.

"Could I get a photo?" She turned to her dad and laughed, "if Ms. D'onofrio doesn't mind."

It was weird to hear, my name being used like this. It was sweet, amazing... It felt so different. I nodded and put my arm around her as she smiled for the photo. I was having flashbacks to my youngest years.

> _A little red dress with my hair combed back and held down with a little headband and bow. My dad was waiting with me by the backstage door with a dozen other kids to see the actors leaving the play. Chitty chitty bang bang, I was so drawn in I couldn't get the music out of my head. I wanted an autograph from from caractacus Potts, by far my favorite character. When he came out the back door he signed my bill and then I asked for a photo. My dad smiled and took one, it was framed and hanging in my room within an hour of getting home._

Once i got done with the photo, I signed a few playbills and then finally made it back to my family. Noah wanted me to sing with him, I was all for it on the drive back. I was riding on my high, everything was good. Now my only fear was waking up and reading the review.... I was scared to know how it was received.


	26. A part of his world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah spends the night with Sheila.  
> Liv is worried all night.  
> Raf tries to calm her down.  
> Sax looks into Sheila.

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I was starting to give Sheila more time with Noah, I was wanting him to have family in his life. Not just me and the squad, and as for Rafael and sax... I was hoping this good thing would last. I loved Rafa, sax was a great girl and already a sibling practically to Noah. If a day went by without them seeing each other, I'm afraid they would die. I loved the way this family was coming together, I loved actually having family. It was the first sleepover, Noah would be sleeping over with Sheila. I was worried sick and Rafael was sweet enough to not leave my side all night. He was going to be there for me, going to distract me all night if I let him.... But right now it wasn't working.

"Liv, everything will be fine. You know where she lives and have the whole police department behind you if anything goes wrong." He tried.

"I know, I... I just never left Noah with anyone that wasn't Lucy or sax." I shrugged.

Noah came running down the steps with his backpack for the sleepover. He was excited and bouncing around, I was just too worried at this point. Sax walked in and her smile dropped a little.

"Hey, what's with the bag?"

"I'm staying with Grandma tonight." Noah smiled and sax frowned.

"That's cool little bro." 

Me and raf both caught the tone. He played it off and I let it go, always better to take his cue on things with sax. Sax said something about being tired and went to bed after giving Noah a hug and raf a kiss. I sat back and just waited on Sheila, wanting to go over the ground rules a couple times and hoping things end well. I can't let another mistake slide, I gave to many second chances already. 

"Hey," rafa sat beside me as Noah was distracted, "you don't have to do this."

"I do. This is putting a lot out their and giving her one last chance." I sniffled, "I just wish it didn't sound so bad."

"You're doing what you believe is right."

"And so far it has went badly." I looked over, "am I wrong? About everything." 

"No, hey stop. You're a great mom liv, don't let this stuff with Sheila bring you down." I got a half smile and he kissed me, "I love you."

"I love you too." I leaned against him until the door rang and my heart thumped.

Noah raced to the door and I slowly got up to follow, Rafa stayed behind on the couch and waited. He was good on giving me space when I needed it, especially with Noah. That why I always gave him space with sax, he would ask for help if he needed it. I walked to the door, faking a grin as Sheila stepped in and Noah grabbed his bag. 

"Sheila, glad you're on time." I smiled, "Noah has been bouncing off the walls."

"Well I'm excited too." She winked at Noah as he hugged her.

"Ok so, bed by nine at the latest. He sleeps with Eddy and no sweets before bed. He will try to trick you." I gave a small chuckle as he rolled his eyes, "and I need him home before ten tomorrow. We have plans."

She nods and smiled, "yes, of course. Ten by the latest."

"Can we go now grandma?" Noah was still bouncing with jitters.

"Well, just a moment. I wanted to talk to mommy for a moment." 

"Noah, how about you pick up Eddy." I motioned and he ran to grab Eddy so we could talk a moment."

"You know, you, me, and Noah, all of this it's good, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is." I blinked and leaned in.

"You know what I would love to do? Would it be okay if I bought Noah a nice, warm winter jacket? Would that be okay?"

"I think that he would absolutely love that."

"Maybe this weekend? Give us a day between the overnight and your day." She smiled, "if that's ok? Having it so early."

"No that should be fine." I nod, "I think that'll be fine."

"Thank you Liv." She smiled and took Noah's hand as he came running back with Eddy.

He hugged me bye and I watched them pull away before locking the door. I walked back to Rafa and cuddled up, I seen it on his face... He was trying to be silent. He didn't want to ask the question for the twelfth time today.

* * *

_**Alma** _

* * *

I was in my room, sitting on the bed just thinking.  _ **What is it about Sheila I don't like? She hasn't done anything to me or my family.... But she did piss off Liv. I don't trust her... I can't trust her and I don't know why.**_ I groaned, grabbing my phone even though I knew I shouldn't. Slick fingers leading me along, the phone ringing through and I was waiting for it. The click and his voice to fill my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey dann-o, I need a favor."

"Saxon? Of course." Daniel yawned, "what's up?"

"Remember I told you about Noah's grandma? I want some help looking into her." I bit my lip, "I can't get caught, I don't want Liv to not trust me or anything... I just... I don't trust that woman. Something is off about her."

"What can I help with?" He asked.

 _ **God it's good to have someone completely on board.**_ I bit my lip, thinking through everything clearly. 

"Can you look into her? Find everything you can on her? I can't do it here or on my laptop without dad finding out... Or worse Liv."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... I got you." It went silent, "give me what you can. I'll dig into her for ya because I don't need sleep."

"Thanks. Sheila Porter. About six foot, one hundred thirty pounds or so.... Light brown hair, long hair, hazel eyes, thick eye brows and well she looks like a model." I sighed, "I would guess fifties but I don't know."

"Ok, I can work with that. Tommorow morning can we get breakfast and have a photo to confirm?"

"Yes, thanks Danny boy." I smile, "good night."

"Night."

After he hung up, I closed my eyes and set the phone down. This wasn't the best thing to be doing, i knew it. I regretted it, but I wouldn't call it off. 

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

It was almost midnight, Liv was laying down with me downstairs but she wasn't herself. She wasn't mentally with me and I knew it.  _ **How am I going to distract her? She is focused on Noah and I am lost on stopping it. I would've been the same way with Alma, probably worse.... What can I do?**_ I kisses her head and slowly slipped off the couch.

"So it's midnight and we have a baseball game tomorrow before noon. Noah will be back by ten and the four of us can enjoy a day off at this charity event." I stretched my hand out, "join me in bed for some restless sleep?"

She smiled, "yeah you're right." 

I helped her up and shut off the TV. She went ahead as I put the glasses in the sink and stopped by Alma's room. Liv was hard but Alma was in the same spot. She didn't trust Sheila and she had no real grounds of saying anything. She didn't want to step on Liv's toes and she didnt want to come off the wrong way. I peeked in her room and she was curled up under the covers reading, her eyes darting up only after I cause the door to creak a little.

"Hi Dad." She smiled and marked her place before sitting the book down.

"Hey Alma, como estas haciendo(how are you doin?)" I sat on the edge of her bed.

"Better then Liv probably." She let her smile fall a little, "What's up?"

"Just checking in. I know you aren't sold on Sheila yet and you don't have much say..."

"Don't worry about it dad. I'm fine." She leaned in and kissed my cheek, "don't worry about me, take care of your girl."

She nodded to go and i sighed, "love you too."

I kissed her head and let her go back to reading. Shutting the door behind me and rolling my eyes at how she always brushes be off. If only I can teach her to not be strong for me all the time, it's ok to break once in a while. I walked into the room and slip into the bed. Liv cuddled up to me and I could see she was still thinking to much.

"I'm just gonna pass out. Night." I closed my eyes as she kissed me.

"Nice try, you won't sleep till I'm out." 

"If you don't trust Sheila, why did you let her take Noah for the night."

"Because I kinda do. I don't know." She looked up towards me, "I do and I don't. Mainly I want to give noah a small feel of normalcy and this is the only way I see."

"Maybe you need to think less." I mumbled.

"Like you don't over think anything involving sax?" She challenged.

"No, think less and you could sleep." I chuckled, "just sleep."

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

I waited till dad left the room and leaned back again.  _ **I feel like I am doing something wrong.... Why does it feel wrong?**_ I looked at the time and set my alarm for a early breakfast so I wasn't late for our family day tomorrow.

* * *

The next morning I was up and out the door before dad and Liv got up. I left a note promising to be back in time and I was at the coffee shop when Daniel showed up. He pulled out his tablet and hooked it to the keyboard as the barista brought over our order.

"Hey Daniel."

"Morning sax." He sighed and almost chugged the hot coffee.

"I asked a lot last night, I'm sorry." I tried to start and he stopped me.

"No, strangely it wasn't that hard." He turned the screen so I could see it, "with only a little digging I found the basic backstory. Daughter ranaway, husband died, sister moved away and died.... All that sad stuff but it did give me a few things to run with. Her home has no uttilites, all were shut off. She was very social and outgoing and then withdrew when she found out about Noah. I can't find a relationship or anything like that but, it looks like she doesn't plan on moving back."

"Maybe she was just trying to have less bills," I looked over they few things he had pulled up.

"Do you disconnect your uttilites to go away for a few months? No. The fees attached to disconnecting and reconnecting are ridiculous and it's stupid."

"So what? You think she is moving here."

"We'll her apartment is an air bnb." He looked over.

"So she is hunting for a place still. She probably wasn't sure with everything going on at first." I slid it back over, "what are you thinking?"

He raised a brow and I shook my head.

"This isn't a book or movie." I finished my cup, "she wouldn't do anything crazy and Liv is a cop, dad is a ADA... She's not stupid."

"Just sayin." He shrugged, "don't be a stranger. I have your back girl."

I gave him a hug and ran back home, making it back just in time. Noah was home and Sheila gone already, everyone dressed and we were running out the door.  _ **Don't say anything. It's Liv's choice. You're not even his sister yet, let her decide and don't say you checked into Sheila.**_ ****I smiled and reminded myself of that everytime I felt like saying anything to her. It wasn't my place.

* * *

A few days later Sheila picked up Noah and went coat shopping. Liv and dad was finishing up a case and I had just got done with a small press thing for the show. I walked in the door and frowned, it was too quiet. It wasn't even dark and it was extremely quiet, so I tried to fix it. I turned on music and found a small snack, opting to text dad when a call came in.

"Hello?"

"Sax, I need your help. Can you go to the school and park and look for Noah?" My heart dropped as she kept going, "I don't know if Noah walked away from Sheila but he's missing and I have officers on this end but..."

She was speaking fast and going on and on while losing her words. I jumped in, trying to help in anyway I can. 

"Yeah, yeah, of course." I ran over grabbing my jacket and out the door, "I'll look around. Let you know if I find anything."

I took off running, my heart pounding and mind going foggy.  _ **Noah is missing.... Noah.**_ She hug up and I was running down the street.... Begging not to regret not telling Liv about looking into Sheila.


	27. Gone baby gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sheila tells Liv Noah is missing.  
> The whole squad goes into action.  
> Sax and raf does anything they can to help.

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

Our case was wrapping up, we were sitting in the squad room talking. I was about to grab my things and leave when my phone rang, Sheila. I answered quickly.

"Hey, Sheila." Then I stopped dead in my tracks with just a few words, "What? When?"

This got everyone's atrenatte as I was struggling to think clearly, "Don't move."

I hung up the phone and started to grab my stuff as their eyes were trained on me, "The closest precinct to the Mall of Manhattan."

No one offered it up and I snapped, "I need an answer."

"Midtown South." Rollins answered.

"Okay, I need all available, ASAP. Missing kid!" I was rushing out of the bull pin.

"You okay, Liv?" Fin watched as I was frantic.

"No, I'm not." I got to the stairs, "It's Noah."

"I'll drive." Fin jumped up as Carisi and Rollins came running behind us.

The drive was killing me but we made it there quickly and I had just ran in the doors. The mall was packed and I quickly saught out Sheila. Standing up front with the mall manager as I ran over.

"Sheila!"

"I am so sorry, Olivia." Sheila turned to me, "I just turned away and he was gone."

"Okay, where-where were you?" I was trying to think of what to do.

"It was in the store. We were, um, trying on coats, and, uh and I turned away to get a different one with a hood. It wasn't even ten seconds." She was shaking struggling to focus and think.

"Was he was he mad?"

"No, no."

"Was he upset?"

"Of course not." She started to get defensive.

"Well, I'm just trying to figure out what happened, because he doesn't walk away when I'm with him, so what happened? What were you talking about?"

I was looking around and trying to talk to her in front of me. Thank God fin was besidee to pay attention because my mind was everywhere else.

"I don't know." She said, "Something about th-the hood."

"Okay, and you checked the entire store?"

"Yes, with the manager. He wasn't anywhere. That's when I called you." She was motioning to the man standing g beside her.

"Yes, she notified security at 10:15 a.m."

"Okay, that's 30 minutes ago, so you have this entire place on lockdown?"

"We have the main exits." He looked at me like I was crazy.

"No, sir, that's not good enough." I shook my head, "I need a guard at every single access point, now."

"I know, he's probably hiding under a clothes rack or sneaked off to a toy store."

"No, sir, that's not my son." I raised .y voice as he started trying to explain what usually happened with a missing kid.

"We've got six floors here." 

"And I don't care if you have 60. You lock it down. All of it...now." I bit out.

Fin got the unis started on canvasing. Carisi and Rollins spread out and started trying to find anyone who seen anything. I was on the phone in seconds, I checked with Lucy to see if he went to her place and got unis on the house before calling sax to look around the neighborhood. She sounded Shakey on the phone, she barely spoke as she was running out the door. I was in the middle of telling rafael when Sheila came back over.

"Olivia! Please tell me that you've heard something!"

"I'll call you back." I hung up.

"Ugh, I was so stupid." She was in tears and holding her face, "How can I be so stupid?"

I was frustrated, worried, angry.... To many emotions to name. I wanted her to leave me alone so I could find Noah.

"Sheila, please go and sit down." I stopped her rambling, "Just sit down, please."

I stepped away as Amanda came running up and was leading me away from her, "I've checked two toy shops and a candy store."

"Amanda, he wouldn't wander off." I stopped her, "Somebody took him." 

I was facing the fact now, trying to get pass the intial denial so we could find him in time. Amanda was a little shocked but she wasnt saying anything more. It felt wrong to say it, it was unreal. Then fin came over with more bad news.

"That was Dodds. All available police resources are open to us." Fin starts.

Amanda's phone vibrates and she walks away, "Oh, that's comforting."

"And there's more. You're off the case, Liv."

"That's not happening." I shook my head.

"He says you're a victim in this one." Fin tried to explain and I wasn't having it.

"You're damn right I am."

"He says if you stay involved, you could screw the whole thing up that's his opinion, not mine and your job." He reasoned it out.

"You think I give a damn?" 

"Mine, too." 

"Stop, Fin. I'm not leaving. Stop." I was standing firm and he knew it, he also looked a little shocked because I wasn't thinking of anything right now.

"Oh, my God!" Sheila came running over, "I live two blocks away from here. Maybe he walked home." 

"Okay." I nod and whispered,  _ **Maybe he did... It isn't that bad to look.**_

"Okay, Dodds is on his way." Fin looked at Sheila running to head home, "Go with her. Maybe she'll remember something."

"I got it. Okay." I took off after her.

If I left the mall and sat with Sheila, maybe she could remember something. And as much as I hate to admit it, fin was right. I need to get away from there and maybe I could actually think, I could possibly help.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I was running around the neighborhood looking. The school was empty, park too. My mind off worrying what could be happening to him and then that small thought creeped into my head.  _ **Was it Sheila? She left everything behind, holds onto him for dear life and always talks about Ellie and it sounds like she is replacing her with Noah.... Stop. No stop. She wouldn't be that stupid.... Or you would be not to hand over that file Daniel made up.**_ I bit my lip but text Daniel to send me eveeytheve he had on Sheila and then I called dad, the easiest one to talk to right now.

"Mi alma, not a good tim..."

"Dad listen, this sounds insane but I think I know who did it. Who took Noah." I had him on speaker and was trying to send him everything Daniel sent me when he stopped me.

"Don't say Sheila." He sighed when I didnt respond, "take me off speaker."

"Dad I am sending you..."

"Now Alma." He warned and I did so, "I don't need this right now and niether does Liv. I love you but just look for him around the neighborhood or stay home and hope he comes back. I have to handle things here and then I'm hoping Liv stays sane enough to go back to her office so I can talk to her. She needs support not theories right now."

I was closing my eyes and nodding,  _ **You sound crazy girl, let it go.**_ It went silent then I heard his familiar calming tone.

"I'm sorry to snap, but please. Please don't do this right now."

"Ok, sorry dad. Love you."

"Love you too." He hung up and I looked at the message with everything in it.

**_Hit send and face a little wrath later or hold on to it.... Hold it. I can talk to Liv directly._**

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I was sitting with Sheila at her apartment after getting off the phone with Lucy. Lucy was looking around too now. I was trying to think of what I needed to do, then I hear her again.

"Wait a minute. What if he goes to your apartment and nobody's there?"

"I already have a car sitting outside the old apartment and our home." I stopped her, "Sheila, listen to me. Did you talk to anyone at the mall?"

"Just the sales lady."

"Okay, is it possible that somebody was watching you?"

"I don't know." She started looking around.

"Think, Sheila, think." I looked at her as she looked at me.

"I am trying!" She said with more frustration then I had at this moment, "It's not like I wanted this to happen."

"Nobody nobody is saying that."

"Oh, you don't have to." She shook her head and got up walking away from me, "Your eyes did."

"Nobody is accusing you. Just stop."

"Oh, I should've just held his hand." She covered her face with her hands again.

"Yes, you should've." I got up, my legs dying to stretch now. 

I walked to the small mantle and was looking at a photo. It was Ellie, she looked so young in it. Before I knew it, Sheila was walking towards me as she seen me looking.

I heard a breathy oh and then her speak, "I took that photo. I took it of Ellie at my sister's cabin. We were celebrating her first rehab. She loved walking in the woods."

I turned and seen her smile softly and I put my hands together like I was praying, "Sheila, please. I need you to listen to me. I need you to think. A detail, anything."

"Wait, Wait a minute." She was rocking softly, "We went to Starbucks."

Her eyes got wide as she started to remember, "We went to Starbucks and we ordered a hot chocolate."

"Okay, okay, what happened?"

"And I saw a man there, and he had, um long sideburns." She started motioning on her face, "What do you call them?"

"Muttonchops."

"Yes, that's it." She nodded, "He was wearing a brown bomber jacket, and he asked Noah if he was a Jets or Giants fan, and then I saw him again at the department store and he waved to me."

"And and this happened near the coats?"

"Yeah."

I grabbed my phone and called Amanda, "Rollins? Rollins? We may be looking for a suspect in a brown bomber jacket with mutton chops, okay?"

I closed my eyes as I then turned back hoping Sheila could remember a little more, "How old was he?"

"Oh, maybe 30." She shrugged.

"Okay, about 30 years old." I passed on, "Height?"

"Uh, 5'10"-ish."

"About 5'10"." I finished.

"Got it." Amanda hung up and passed on the information.

* * *

**_Amanda_ **

* * *

We pushed around and got a little head way, a Latino man with what looked like Noah. We went back to the precinct and went through the security footage till we found it. Noah and a Latino man leaving the mall and getting into a car. 

"A kidnapper with a car seat?" Fin started the discussion we didn't want.

"He came prepared." Sonny threw it out there.

"Why isn't Noah fighting him?" I asked.

"Maybe he's not a stranger." Fin watched on.

"All right, they're headed towards the northwest exit." Sonny looked towards me.

"It's like there's mud smeared on that license plate." I cleaned up the photo and zoomed in, "But the last three letters are DKC."

"I'll call Real-Time Crime." Sonny started off to make the call.

"Hold up." Fin looked to me, "What's up with the blue hoodie? Didn't Liv say he had on a black long-sleeved shirt?" 

I pulled my phone to make the call, "Yeah, Liv? It's me. Listen, are you sure Noah wasn't wearing a blue shirt?"

"Yes, yes. Why, what is it?"

"Because security cams have him in a blue hoodie." I stared at the photo in front of me.

"Hold on." I heard part of their conversation, "Sheila, are you sure that he was wearing a black shirt under the green jacket? "

"Positive." It sounded like.

 "You're sure that it wasn't a blue hoodie?"

"No, he was in a black long-sleeved shirt." Then Liv came back on the phone, "Okay, no, it was black."

Yeah, I-I heard." I was trying to think, "So the guy must have brought it with him. Liv, this wasn't spontaneous."

"Okay, what... but what guy?"

I licked my lip out of a nervous habit, taking a quick glance to make sure no one was watching, "I'll send you a screenshot."

* * *

  _ **Olivia**_  

* * *

I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at the screen. I seen the photo and zoomed in to really look the man over.

"Why? What is it?" Sheila asked behind me.

I sigh and turn to her, "Sheila do you recognize this guy?"

I showed her the photo, "Why? Do you think he took him?"

"Just look at the photo." I ordered.

"No." She shook her head.

"Come on." I pushed, "At the apartment, at the school, at the store, maybe. Look."

"No, no, I've never seen him." She kept shaking her head on the verge of tears, "Please, God, not again."

* * *

_**Amanda** _

* * *

"Yep, got it." I put down my phone as sonny turned around to look at me, "We're on our way."

I got up and grabbed my things, "Hey, we just got a hit on the Amber alert. The car is parked in Ridgewood, New Jersey."

We rushed out and drove like crazy to get there. Cops on the scene waiting for us and started as we walked up.

"Hey, the plates came back stolen." He started with a little stutter.

"Grab the VIN." I ordered as he moved out of the way before doing so.

That's a bus station right there." Sonny pointed and looked at me as I looked over the car.

Sighing i turn to my partner, "We gotta tell her."

"I'll get started on the VIN." He ran the other way and I grabbed my phone.

It rang a moment then Liv was there, "Hey. Yeah, yeah, we got the car. It's abandoned."

"Are you canvassing?" I can hear her pacing on the hard wood floors.

"Well, we're running the VIN, and we got local cops.."

"No, no, no. I want you to do it." She interrupted.

"The thing is, Liv, it's The car's parked at a bus station." I sighed and was waiting for her word.

"I want to know everything as soon as you know it." She paused, "Do you understand me?"

"Yeah." I hung up and ran over to sonny so we could ask at the ticket counter.

The lady took one look and instantly answered, "Yeah, the man got into it with me."

"Yeah? About what?" I asked.

"About the price of the kid's ticket. It's peak travel, so even though children usually get a discount, not at peak. No can do." She shook her head but kept engaged on our every word.

"Which bus did they get on?" Sonny asked.

"The 220. Left about 40 minutes ago. You want me to tell the driver to stop?"

"Do not say anything to anybody." He warned and lifted his finger to make the point.

I grabbed my phone to call fin adding, "We don't want to alert the passengers."

"What's the bus's next stop?" Sonny kept going as I waited for him to answer.

"Scranton, Pennsylvania." The lady checked.

"Fin? Yeah, it's me. We need to get rolling on the New Jersey state police." I started to walk away as the clerk turned back around and stopped us.

"Uh, officers? There's been an accident on I-80. Looks like the bus is stuck in traffic."

"Where?" 

"About ten miles away."

We bother turned around and took off running to the car,  _ **Please be there.**_

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I was sitting on one side of her little table, a coffee beside me that I hadn't even sipped. It was fresh a few minutes ago, steaming hot but now it was cold... It only seemed like a few seconds it sat beside me though. Sheila was looking out the window and I was staring at the man's photo on my phone when Rafa wasn't texting me to see if I was ok. I insisted I was fine and didn't need him with me, it wasn't any use to pull him from work when nothing but Noah physically in my arms would calm me down.

"What if he hurts Noah?" Sheila asked out of no where, turning to look at me.

"You can't-you can't think like that." I shook my head and waved my hand to make her stop.

"I know, but.."

"Sheila, we're gonna get him back." I said as calmly as possible out of habit.... But it wasn't just another case like I'm use to.

Oh, he could be anywhere right now." She freaked out, make a emotional plea with the bad thoughts in her head, "I've been through this. I know the odds of finding a child."

_**I don't need this right now... I need to be at the precinct or on thestreet looking for this guy. I just wish she would be quiet or be helpfully and not acting as if we'll never see him again. We will find him, even if she won't help.** _

"This is different, Sheila." I started only for her to interrupt me.

"No, it's not." 

She hit a nerve on that note, everything happening with Noah was being compared to Ellie before. But Noah isn't a troubled teen, he isn't a druggie.... ** _Stop you can't think like this right now. Don't go down that path._**

"Ellie didn't want to be found, Sheila." I snapped at her and only caught it once I was at the end of the sentence,  ** _Why did you say it?_**

It went silent as her jaw shook her open mouth. She was in shook and I couldn't say I wasn't either for that comment. She had tears starting and was wiping her face as I closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, "i'm very sorry."

She nodded understanding my feelings right now.

"I'm scared out of my mind. That's all." I was on the verge of tears as my mind started to drift to the worse things possible right now.

"You don't have to be sorry for anything. You cry and you scream." She put her hand over mine and gave it a soft squeeze, "You're his mother, you're entitled."

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

Sirens are wailing as we try to weave through traffic and get to the bus. I was holding onto the dash as Amanda drove.

"Move!" She growled and finally got around a car.

"We must be getting close to the accident." I looked ahead trying to spot the bus.

"Hold on." She looked over at the berm and moved us over there to get past the traffic now sitting still on the highway.

"Here we go." I painted it out, "Here we go."

I hopped out as she put it in park and ran over behind me. My badge hit the window on the door and I knocked loudly to get the bus driver to look over. One step back as he seen me and started to open the door.

"Come on!" I pushed through the door still opening, "All right, no reason to get excited, people."

I addressed the bus full of people as I scanned through looking for Noah. I didn't even see a kid on the bus as I worked my way back to the bathroom, "Just looking for a little boy."

"Police! Open up." I knocked and peeked in the bathroom to find it empty and turned to Amanda with the bus driver as I ran back up the isle.

"Sorry, never saw either one of them." He shook his head.

"And you saw everybody that came on this bus?" She asked.

"Took their tickets."

She sighs and gets off the bus as I followed her, "They not on the bus."

"So he bought two tickets, made sure the gal at the bus station got a good look at both of them." I started back towards the car.

"The SOB could be anywhere." She looked around before we started back.... The lead falling through with Noah still missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we began to approach the end of the story. Three chapters left.


	28. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raf sits with Liv trying to keep her remotely calm.  
> Liv is spiraling out of control.  
> Raf gets to help out finally.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I rushed into the bull pin, seeing liv and Amanda. 

"Liv!" I came over as she glared at me running to her office, "Please don't tell me that it's going to be okay."

_**Not a good sign. Try again.** _

"Could this have anything to do with the job?" I turned to Amanda.

"The question's not if there are threats. It's which ones to take seriously, and her time on this job it's a lot of grudges."

"Jesus." I turned and rushed into her office, turning through the door to find her standing by the windows.

I slowed down, taking a few steps as she looked at me and started to speak.

"Do you know how many times I've told parents to stay calm?" I watched her face, the distance look she had was horrifying to me, "You don't know how ridiculous it is until it happens to you."

"I don't know what to do. Um.. Do you want some coffee? Do you..." I wanted to be helpful but she just broke down.

"I just want my son!" She stared to smacked the desk with two fists but broke down crying halfway through and held her face instead.

"Okay. Hey, hey, hey." I ran over and caught her, pulling her in and holding her she started to cry.

 _ **What is going on? Who would go after Noah? He's just a boy.**_ I was holding her as she sniffled and pulled back, wiping away tears.

"All I can think of is tonight is spaghetti night. Sax was going to make spaghetti just for him. Noah loves spaghetti night." She was standing up again but holding her face trying to force the tears to stop springing back to life.

"Come here." I whispered and pulled a tissue from my inner breast pocket, sniffling as I tried not to cry either, "Here."

She wiped her eyes and nose, I ran my hand through her hair as she took a small breath and started talking again.

"They tossed his jacket, and they put a different sweatshirt on him, one that fit. They planned this, Rafa." She sat down in her chair as I leaned towards her using her desk, "It wasn't some random freak. Somebody specifically targeted my son." 

Before I could say anything, not that I had anything to say at that moment, fin came walking in. He glanced in before stepping in, making sure it wasn't a bad time.

"We got something, Liv." She was up and moving past me before I could even attempt to keep her sitting down, "The car seat box had a sticker on it with a barcode. We traced the code to a store called Awesome Baby in Chelsea."

"Go. Get somebody there now."

"Carisi's already moving." Fin turned and walked out.

"Okay, okay." She ran her fingers through her hair and I pulled her over to sit on the couch, this time leaning against me so I could calm her down and hold her still. 

* * *

_**Alma** _

* * *

It had been hours of searching and I wasn't getting anywhere. I went home and plopped down on the couch. Worried sick about Noah, about not helping before anything happened....  _ **I should've told Liv. I should've said something to dad way before this happened. I had everything, why didn't I believe it? Why didn't I believe Sheila could do this.**_ I was sitting, moping around belittling myself. Barely noticing as my phone rang.

"Ey." I sighed.

"Alma? Estas bien?(You ok?)" Dad asked with deep concern in his voice.

"Yeah sorry, I'm just tired from all the searching." I lied.

"I'm going to stop in, be there in a few." He warned, "love you."

I hung up and sat up before falling back again. _**What would I do? There is nothing to do.**_ I closed my eyes and just laid there until dad got here.

I missed the door and dad walking in, until he stroked my cheek and I jumped, "god you scared me." 

"You didn't sound to good on the phone. I was just worried." He sat on the edge of the arm rest, "how are you?"

"Just tired from looking."

"You could lie better Alma." He raised a brow, "what's really going on?"

"I should've moved quicker. I knew Sheila was off." I dropped as he pinched pis nose.

"Alma, not right now." 

"See? That's why I lied." I grumbled, "you didn't even look at the evidence."

"Evidence?" He raised a brow.

"I had a bad feeling and I asked Daniel to take a peek into her. I should've said something sooner." I looked down and he sighed.

"Fine, show me it."

I pulled out my phone, everything laid out as he glanced it over. I seen his eye widen a little and he shook his head.

"Suspicious no?"

"Doesn't mean she did it." He said more for himself.

"Dad..."

"I need to call Liv." He pulled his phone and held onto mine.

"You're going to tell them?"

"Not if she doesn't answer." He groaned and sent the info to his phone and Rollins, "I need to get back there. I'm sorry I didn't listen." 

I smiled as he kissed my head and took off running,  _ **Ok... Maybe it isn't so bad.**_

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

Rafa had just left to make a phone call, sax had called about something and I told him I would be fine if he needed to check on her. He begrudgingly left, that's when it happened. I got the call from Carisi as I sat at my desk.

"Hey. Liv, listen to me. It's her. Sheila took Noah."

I ran to the observation window, Sheila was suppose to be looking at photos. Not there. I ran out of my office yelling.

"Where is she? Sheila!" 

"Said she was going home. She didn't want to bother you." Fin stood by a officer looking through evidence.

"That's.... come on." I panted and started out.

"What happened?!" He yelled slowly following me.

"I'll tell you on the way!" 

He grabbed his coat and ran after me. It felt like forever for just being mere minutes. We got to her apartment as I explained everything to fin, I took lead and he never said a word about it. One kick to knock the door open and we went through guns drawn.

"Clear."

"Clear."

 "Clear."

All rooms were clear. _**No Sheila. No Noah.... All my fault. I did this.**_

"How stupid am I?" I looked at fin as he came to join me in the living room.

"There's still clothes in the closet and stuff in the bathroom." He reasoned.

"I gave her my kid."

"She may be coming back, Liv." He tries again.

That's when I seen it, shaking my head in disbelief, "She's not coming back."

"Glass half full, Liv." 

"That has nothing to do with it. She took the only thing that mattered to her. She took the photo of Ellie." I walked over to the mantle and ran my fingers over the empty spot the photo once sat, "She's never coming back."

We drove back to the precinct. It felt better then going home and worrying where I couldn't get information. Sitting in the house with sax and raf wouldn't do me any good.

"Hey." I called as me and fin we're walking back into the bullpin. 

"Hey, Lieutenant." Carisi came right over, "Sheila's gone dark. The last call she made was this morning. TARU's tracking her cell phone, but it looks like she turned it off."

"Credit cards." I look to Amanda as she spoke.

"Nothing since yesterday. A Chinese restaurant around the corner from her house at about 1:12 p.m."

"Okay." Fin hung up his phone as I turned to him, "She emptied her bank account. Couple hundred thousand in the last two weeks."

"Derry, New Hampshire police checked out her house. It's empty. Doesn't look like it's been lived in for a while, and utilities were shut off three months ago." Rollins adds.

"That's when she showed up here." I sighed.

"Local cops are sitting on the house in case she shows up." She reassured me.

"Okay, what about a car?"

"The only one registered to her name is sitting in her garage in Derry." She answered.

"Check rentals, all three airports."

"We notified state police." Carisi watches as I turned around and went to my office.

"Yeah, great. Which state?"

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

 I got back from checking in on Alma, going straight to Liv's office and sitting down across from her. She was at her desk, eerily calm from her demeanor before.  _ **Dont give up yet Liv, we will get him back.**_

She pressed her hands flat together in front of her face as she thought, looking up at me after a few second of me sitting in the chair, "I screwed up, Rafael." 

"No." I spoke as she put her hands down after scratching her neck, "This was coordinated, planned, well-executed." She wasn't buying my help and I could tell, "Look, there's no way you could have seen this coming, Liv."

"You know what the problem is with this job? What good do we really do? I mean, we come in after the fact with a broom and a mop and we clean up the mess." She was getting really deep, but the sad part is... it wasnt wrong, "What would really matter, or would really be special is if, just one time, we could prevent it from hitting the floor."

"We prevent the next mess." I quickly spoke and watched her reaction.

She just shook her head and made a fist to pound against her own hand, "I should have seen this coming. As a _cop_ , as a _mother_ , should have seen this coming."

I wanted to say something to help. Failing up to this point, I started to speak but didn't get past two words before I realized my mistake.

"Well, you..." I let it trail off. 

**_Don't say it. Not that. That is a bad choice._ **

"What?" She was giving me her full attention now.

"Nothing." I scratched an imaginary scartch by my nose and broke eye contact to look at nothing on her desk.  _ **Don't.... Dont'.**_

"You can't punch me harder than I've already punched myself, believe me."

_**Don't say it....** _

"Maybe you wanted this Sheila thing to work out too much." I looked up with a small smile, hoping to play this off right so she didn't crush it down, "Look, maybe all you-just wanted was a family."

_**Me, you, Alma, and Noah.... A family.** _

"Yeah. What was I thinking?" She gave that look and I knew she took it wrong.

"That's..." I twisted my neck a little bit to work out that sting, "Why i shouldn't have said anything."

"Okay." I leaned forward,  ** _Let's get productive_** _here,_ I sighed,"Did Sheila mention anybody? Friends, family, in New York?

"Don't you think that I've already racked my brain? She knew _me, she_  knew _Noah_ and  _You_ and _sax_. That's it." She rolled her eyes before stopping, pointing over, "Except for her-Her lawyer. Her lawyer. What was her name? Uh-Uh, Janet. Susan Janet. Yeah, Susan Janet."

"Yeah, I doubt that Sheila told her attorney that she was going to kidnap your son." I tried to say it with less attitude then I usually would.

"But, I mean, she's from New Hampshire. I doubt she knew any New York lawyers. She testified that that a private investigator found Noah. Maybe he recommended Janet."

I froze, Liv had something. Maybe she was getting us somewhere.

"Wait, are you thinking that the PI's the guy in the hoodie?"

"What else have we got?" 

"You stay here." I pointed at her and grabbed my jacket, out the door before she could do more then follow me with her eyes. 

 _ **Finally something I can do. I can help in more then just stopping Liv from going on a rampage. I can get us a clue, a lead.... Anything**_. I rushed over to Susan Janet's office and found her in no time. Not that she was happy to see me.

"Really don't have time for this, Rafael." She started to walk away from me after just the first minute.  _ **New record.**_

"Give me what I need, and you'll be free of me." I spoke as I followed her to her office from the reception area. 

"You know I can't talk about anything a client tells me in confidence unless there's a damn good reason." 

"Noah Benson was kidnapped by Sheila Porter." I said as we just stepped into her office, "How's that?"

"Do you have proof of that?" She turned to look at me as she sat down at her desk.

"I do." I raised a brow and shut her door.

"Whoa, you don't you don't think I actually abetted..."

"Of course not." I cut her off, "What I need is the name of the investigator who referred Sheila to you."

"Well, that's privileged communication."

"Come on, Susan." I tipped my head,  _ **"**_ We both know how this is gonna go."

"Yeah, I could be disbarred." She crossed her arms.

"I'm gonna file a motion to disclose. The judge is going to give us a primer on the crime, fraud, and/or continuing criminal act exception."

"This is neither." She challenged.

"The fact is, I'm going to walk out of there with an order to disclose, because no judge wants a missing kid on his head. But you can help me." I locked eyes with her, "Now."

She sighs and gets up, pulling his business card out of a file across the way, "His name is Raymond Green."

"Thank you." I took it.

"If at all possible, I didn't send you." She asked.

"I wasn't here." I shook my head and left.

Just a step out of the reception lobby, I was on the phone calling the name and office to fin. I needed to get back over to Liv and Liv actually be in her office. As fin said, I was the only person that could possibly get Liv to stand down from this case.


	29. He's my son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv, sax, and raf talk in the office.  
> Liv find Sheila and Noah.  
> They come home to a relieved sax.  
> Raf comes home to a full house, cheering up Liv.

* * *

__**Olivia** _ _

* * *

"Juan Ortoli, 50 years old, from Derry, New Hampshire. He owns a gardening company." Fin wasaying out the facts.

"And he made a $10,000 deposit two weeks ago." Carisi finished.

"Does that seem cheap for a kidnapping?" Amanda frowned.

"Hold on. Two weeks ago?" I shook my head, "Noah had his first sleepover at Sheila's two weeks ago. Juan must have been there. That's why that's why Noah didn't fight back."

"Tried to trace his phone. No dice. Must be off." Fin adds.

"I'll have the Derry PD sit on the house until you guys get there. It's about a four-hour drive." I watched as sonny and Amanda both walked by with jackets on.

"It's three if you got a badge."

_**I'm glad this is my family, my squad... Fin, sonny, Amanda, Jesse, raf, sax.... They'll always be there for me and Noah.** _

* * *

  ** _Alma_**

* * *

 ****I gave up sitting around at home, it wasn't helping and I wasn't handling it well. I needed to be around people, I wanted to be there for Liv and I really needed to be with my dad. I ran to the precinct, walking in as my dad was walking back from the break room with coffee.

"Alma, qué estás haciendo aquí?(what are you doing here?)"

"Going stir crazy at home alone, anyway I can help?" I asked hopeful and he shook his head.

"Sorry, I am just trying to keep Liv from snapping. Not much else I can help with." He put his free arm around me, "pero ella podría disfrutar de la compañía. Tener a alguien aparte de mí para decirle que está cruzando la línea.(but she might enjoy company. Having someone besides me to tell her she's crossing the line.)" 

I shrugged, "better then sitting home alone." 

He walked me into Liv's office, she looked up and smiled as I walked around her desk to hug her, "how are you doing?"

"Really wish people would stop asking me that." She sighed, "sorry."

"Don't be, it was stupid." I sighed, "How else would you feel right now."

 Dad gave a half smile,  _ **I understand what he means now.**_ I sat down on the couch, my legs curled up on the couch. There was no distracting her, no way to keep her steady or reasonable. Though you can't blame her, Noah was kidnapped and none of us stopped it.  _ **You could've stopped this, you had a chance to.**_ I kept pushing the thought out for it to wiggle back in. I sighed, dad knew what I was thinking and knew I would listen before Liv would right now.

"Stop." He looked at me, "don't do that."

"Do what?" Liv looked over as dad stared me down, "what?"

"It's nothing." I shook my head and dad sighed.

"Alma didn't trust Sheila and looked into her a few days ago." Raf spilled it as I went wide eyed, "I called her crazy and told her to drop it when she told me right after Noah went missing."

"What did you find?"

"Daniel looked her over for me." I pulled everything up and handed my phone over, "dad didn't want to listen to a crazy theory until after you guys pieced it together."

Liv was looking it over and then she handed the phone back, "don't beat yourself up, you couldn't of stopped this from happening. None of us could've." 

I took my phone back when she held it out, "I know."

"None of us could've, no one is to blame." She held her head for a moment, "I just want to find him."

"We all do." Raf walked around and hugged her before I ran over to do so too.

"We all do Liv. We will find him." I reassured her, "we have too."

Right now she needed family, she needed the squad out looking, needed me and Dad there to hold her.... This was the best thing I can do right now, sit with dad knowing I can't do anything. Even if I still believe I could've stop this. After a while, we were all lounging and waiting for news when Liv's phone rang and we were hanging on her every word.

* * *

_**Fin** _

* * *

"So keep pressing him." Liv spoke on the phone and raised her voice a little in frustration, "Hey, you're not a cop in New Hampshire. Just do it."

I seen Barba lean forward about to say something along the lines of let's not break the law when I interrupted.

"Liv, we got something." I got their attention, "Sheila's sister was Sara Cummings."

"Does she own a cabin?" Liv looked hopeful.

"At the time of her death, she owned property in Franconia, New Hampshire."

"I'll call the FBI and the state police." Barba was starting to lean back as Liv jumped in.

"No. I do not want to make her desperate."

He froze and looked at her, not that you couldn't tell Liv was far away from her cop self right now. I figured it was best to let her do this, keep Noah safe.

"There's a flight from LaGuardia to Manchester leaving in 90 minutes."

"You're driving." She pointed at me before grabbing her things, stopping a moment to give Barba a kiss before rushing by as I just walked by casaully.

 _ **Don't be wrong about this.... Liv can handle this alone and not fly off the rails.**_ I followed her out, praying this was the right way.

* * *

  ** _Olivia_**

* * *

It was just a thought, a chance in the dark... And I was alone and did it without anyone knowing. Fin dropped me at the airport but didn't know about me going to the cabin alone, they figured I would've had at least a squad car backing her up. I was heading to Sheila's cabin, the only place I could think about right now. The only place they haven't checked yet. I left the taxi, walking up slowly and pulling my gun as a just incase. The door creaks open, as I step into the porch area. Two steps to the door leading in, I opened it with another creak and step in quietly. I swung around immediately to look behind the door then slowly looked back around to the otherside of the room. 

Then i heard a yell and felt something hit my back. I yell out in pain as I fell face first to the ground, my gun sliding away from me. Sheila ran by and grabbed it, pointing it at me as I slowly tried to get back up even with the pain.

"I wasn't gonna hurt you, Sheila."

"Cut the crap. You were coming to take my baby." She practically growled, gun trained on my head as I laid down still trying to get up.

"He's not your baby." I replied.

"We'll see."

"Where's Noah, Sheila?" I slowly pushed up and glanced around before my eyes landed back on her.

"What do you think? He's sleeping."

"I just want to see him." I had made it to my knees and was giving the final push to stand up.

"No." She whispered, "No."

"I'm his mother, Sheila."

"Why? 'Cause a judge signed a piece of paper? That doesn't make you his mother."

"Actually" I was trying to catch my breath and think this through, "actually, Sheila, it does."

"No, he is my blood. He is my family." She stared me down and delivered the final blow I was waiting for, "He will never be a part of you the way he is a part of me."

"Blood isn't the only thing that makes families, Sheila." I glared back, "Legally Noah is my son."

"The law says that I would have received notice. If you followed the law, we wouldn't even be here."

"Sheila. Sheila I am the only mother that he knows." She was tearing up, shaking a little as I kept going, "Sheila Listen to me. Have you have you thought about-Do you realize what this would do to him?"

"He-he is a smart boy. He'll adapt, and this is a much better place for him." She was shaking her head, "There's fresh air. He can play in the woods. This is how you raise a boy." She grimaced as she went on, "Better than that filthy, dirty city." Then she practically sighed in relief, "And you? You're at work all the time. I will be here for him."

"I am here for him." I spoke carefully, "Come on, Sheila. You know me. I won't let that happen."

"I'm not a bad person, Olivia. I'm trying to let you go."

"I can't do that." I shook my head.

"Why? You can just get another little baby. You-You can sign another piece of paper. You can adopt another little boy, a little boy who needs a family."  She was redin the face, tears falling as she got frustrated, "You don't know what this means. You-you can never know."

"You're not his mother, Sheila."

The harsh moment was broken by the door opening and Noah coming out, "Mommy!"

"Noah." I smiled and held out my arms as he ran for me.

"Oh." Sheila shook her head, "no."

"Come here." I called as he jumped in my arms.

I seen Sheila put the gun down on a stand pushed back from the edge,  _ **She is disarmed, now is your chance.**_

"Mommy, you made it!" He squeezed me, "where's Rafa and Sax? Grandma Sheila said everyone would be up here."

"Uh Oh Hey, baby." Sheila started over, trying to coax him away and I turned him away from her, "Hey, Noah. Hey, baby."

"Noah, we're gonna go now." I said firmly and pushed him gently towards the door as he held my hand and looked at his grandma.

"Do you wanna go see the deer?" She asked.

"Mommy, come with us." He smiled.

"Get out the door." I demanded and shoved him out before shutting and locking the door as Sheila jumped for him.

"You can't leave!" She yelled.

"Back off!" I snapped and blocked the door as she struggled with me trying to reach the locks.

We were both yelling, struggling to over power the other.

"Noooooo! No! No! He is mine!" She screamed as I wrapped my arms around her from behind and restrained her, "He is my baby boy! You can't have him! You can't have him! He's all I have left! He's all I have left."

"He's-He's" she broke down crying as we slowly slid to the floor, "He's..."

"Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh." I whispered.

"I love him." She whimpered out.

"I know."

"I love him." She was getting harder and harder to understand.

"Shh, I know you do."

"Sh...." We both started crying, my grip still tight before finally getting the police up here.

A sirens was wailing as I glanced over to see sonny and Amanda pulling up. I was walking Sheila handcuffed out the the local police waiting by the squad car as they jumped out and came over giving us a little room. I was putting her in the back seat when she turned to me, truly scared.

"Wait, wait, what's going to happen to me?"

"We're going to take you to a local precinct and then arrange for your extradition."

"I'm so sorry, Olivia."

I looked at her for a moment then broke eye contact, I couldnt stand this moment she was trying to have with me. I grabbed her head and made her duck though she was fighting it, gently getting her in and moving to shut the door.

"Watch your feet." I whispered as it shut, her eyes watching me as I stepped away.

"Lieutenant, are you okay?" Sonny asked as they approached.

"Ah, just a little shaken up." I sighed.

"Noah?"

"He's hopefully better than I am." I looked at the ambulance, "Give me a minute."

They watch as I walked over to Noah, wrapped in a blanket sitting in the back of the squad with the doors open. No injuries, not that I really thought she would've hurt him.

"Well, I am about ready to go home. How about you?" I asked as I slipped in beside him.

"You and Grandma Sheila were fighting."

"Yes, Noah, we were fighting." I nodded.

"Is she bad?" 

The one question I didn't want him to ask, because I couldn't explain it to him. I ended up nodding softly as I answered, "Noah, Grandma Sheila is a good person who-who did a really bad thing. Can you understand that?"

"Will she be okay?"

"I hope so." I smiled softly, "But you know what?"

"What?" 

"Aunt Amanda and Uncle Sonny are gonna drive us home, and I'll bet that we can go get pancakes if you like." 

He just smiled at me, a widen grin after everything that had happened.

"I love you So much. So much." I hugged him and kissed his head, "Let's go. Come on."

* * *

  ** _Rafael_**  

* * *

"Hey." I smiled as she answered our door, "How you doing?"

"You know, I honestly don't know how to answer that." She took a deep breath as she stepped out on the stoop, "I stay up all dayday watch him. If I hear a sound, I'm up looking for him. We went to the, uh, corner fruit stand and this woman said that Noah was cute, and I practically bit her head off." She stopped as she finally looked back over to me, "But your not here to, uh, listen to me talk about that."

I smiled, "I came here to talk to my friend about whatever she wants to talk about." 

She smiled back as I opened my arms for her to fall into and gave her a kiss, "She gonna ask me in? I want to be home already."

She nodded against my shoulder and pushed the door open, "Of course."

I hung up my jacket on the small coat rack and kicked off my shoes in the mass group by the door. I didn't know how many people were here right now but it didn't matter, we all could use family right now. I followed her to the living room where everyone sat on the sectional or on the floor by the coffee table playing with Noah. He looked up and smiled.

"Hey." I said as everyone looked over.

"Hi, Uncle Rafa!" Noah hopped up and hugged me as Alma smiled with tears in her eyes.

"Hi!" I chuckled as he let go and I left my arm out, alma jumping over the back of the couch to hug me to the point I felt like I was losing breath, "hi to you too. Estas bien?(You ok?)"

"Fine papa." She sniffled as I rocked her a moment, "glad your finally home."

I kissed her head as she pulled back and leaned on the back of the couch as I walked around to sit on the floor. I was about half way when Noah was back to the table looking up at me.

"Tell him about the deer." Fin smiled.

"We saw a mommy deer and her baby when we were driving home. They ran right in front of us." Noah was beaming.

"In front of you? That's jaywalking. They're lucky they weren't in New York." I sat down across from him by sonny.

"A deer, in New York? You're silly." 

Everyone laughed at that, smiles after the horror that took over out lives so shortly ago. I pushed my sleeves back and leaned in to the table, "What are we making?"

"Robots." Sonny smiled as Noah held his up.

"Cool." I smiled, "I love robots."

Noah picked one up like he was shooting at sonny, "Pew, pew, pew!"

Amanda was holding Jesse and helping her make something. Everyone was smiling and happy, Alma even sat down next to Noah to play along with us. I smiled,  _ **Liv got her family, just not the one she first imagined for Noah.**_


	30. Moving on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family slowly heals in the few months after Noah's kidnapping.

* * *

_**Alma** _

* * *

It has been a long few months since Noah's kidnapping. Liv is scared to let him out of her sight, not that I was much better. Dad really has been the glue and reminder that we are safe. Liv took a few months of but pushed my dad to go back and keep working, using the time through the day as alone time with Noah. I gave them space, of course why wouldn't I. They're my family now, Noah and Liv were there for me when I needed support and I will be there for them.

Most of the time, around the show at nights, I have been looking into other shows since mine is almost over. Dad bought tickets to a new show, the four of us were going together instead of just me and dad.... Best part was it was my choice. Who needed father daughter time anymore, there was more to our family now. 

Today was one of the few days we all had off, I woke up and came downstairs to start breakfast as Liv came down and smiled at the fresh coffee. She chuckled as she poured her mug and I looked at her from the stove.

"Morning Liv."

"Morning Sax, what's for breakfast." 

"Waffles, Noah wanted some yesterday." I chuckled, "I figured I would surprise him."

"Sounds good to me." She chuckled, "what are your plans today?"

"Nothing really." I shrugged, "no show tonight so I am home free."

"The I guess it's just on raf." She sat on one of the bar stools, "I was thinking maybe we could go out, just the four of us."

"Dame cinco minutos con él porque nunca le dirá que no a su bebé(Give me five minutes with him because he'll never say no to his baby girl.)" I winked as she chuckled into the coffee as the men came down.

Noah tackled me but ended up sitting on his mom's lap. Dad kissed my head, whispering good morning before getting his morning coffee. He sipped it as he took his seat, turning to Noah to talk as i finished up the last few waffles.

"So papa, what are your plans today?" I looked over as I sat them on the kitchen island for us to devour.

"I have a little paperwork and then I'm free." He looked over as Noah stole his plate, "why?"

"Maybe I want you to push paperwork back and be you know, not antisocial." I teased.

"No soy antisocial(I'm not antisocial.)" He glared.

"Then stay home with us." Liv smiled, "be antisocial as a group."

He paused and looked between us and I couldn't help myself, "yes it's a trap. Di no a tus mujeres favoritas y conseguiré que la abuela te diga que te tomes el día libre del trabajo.(Say no to your favorite women and I'll get grandma to tell you to take the day off work.)"

"That's not fair." He sighed, "Supongo que ganas.(I guess you win.)"

Liv passed him his phone, "not until you call."

"Please Rafa." Noah looked at him and the game was over.

Raf took his phone and called Carmen, he wouldn't be coming in. She was taking calls and leaving early since she had no reason to stay late. Once he hung up, we all smiled and he put the phone back on the counter.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I handed the phone to Liv as she smiled, "vacation time can be good."

"Even when you were guilted into it." I rolled my eyes as she gave me a kiss.

"Don't start."

Alma laughed and reached forward, "you love us, family guilt is fine. You told me so."

"When you were six and not eating your veggies." He laughed as everyone looked over at her.

"That's the other thing you taught me, women never forget." She took a bite and waved her fork, "or maybe it was abuelita. Sound advice anyways."

Everyone chuckled and finished their breakfast, Alma running off to get changed along with Noah as Liv walked up with me. We decided on the park, a little piece and quiet and gracing the outside world with their presence.  _ **If I am missing work, I am making Liv take Noah out. She needs to adjust and get back to work.**_ I looked over at her as she picked an outfit and I watched her change.

"How are you doin?"

"Fine," she peeked over her shoulder at me, "I don't need you asking that. I hear that from everyone else."

"No, it's more important from me." I leaned forward and nodded, "Liv, it's been a few weeks and everyone is worried. You're still on leave with Noah and me and alma can barely get you out of the house."

"I know." She sighed, "I know. I just... I'm worried. I don't want to let Noah go out and have..."

"I know," I hopped up and hugged her as she held back tears, "I know, but Sheila is locked up. You have no reason to believe anything would happen. You can't be scared of the world outside, that's no way to live."

"How do you do it? With Saxon." She took a deep breath and turned to look at me.

"I let her chose her own path." I took her hands, "Noah wants to go out and wants to go back to school. Let him lead and watch him grow."

"I knew you were to smart for your own good." She chuckled nervously and I kissed her.

"I could say the same about you." I kissed her cheek, "termina. Los cuatro juntos lo haremos más fácil. La familia siempre lo hace(finish up. All four of us together will make this easier. Family always does.)"

She finished getting dressed as we made out the sound of Alma and Noah running down the steps singing at the top of there lungs. She laughed as I smiled and quickly tugged on clothes,  _ **Its sad something so terrible could bring us so close.**_

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

We watched as Noah and sax was running ahead, playing as they went. Raf walked beside me, holding my hand and keeping me close as we slowly fell behind. Rafa was truly sweet underneath all his defenses. The Rafa I seen when Alma was in danger, the Rafa that held his daughter and only strengthened his daughter so she could make her own choices... The way he almost seems a different person when he is away from work and in our home...  _ **our home.... I really just said our.**_ It was amazing to see this man I called my best friend for several years have another side only more perfect and flawed. 

He tugged me back a moment, letting them run off towards one of the fountains kids played in on hot days, "Liv... How does it feel to see the light of day finally?"

I shook my head, "you act like we were secluded for years in a dungeon."

"That house can be one." He chuckled, "and I was really getting worried. I was about to ask the squad over.... Carisi included."

I laughed and looked over, "it's nice to get out. Especially since I think I'll be sending Noah to school next week."

He was a little amazed at that but brushed it off quickly, "what brought this about?"

"Noah asked. And compared to him asking about Sheila I can answer this." I watched as they ran through the dancing fountain, sax grabbing him and swinging him around as the chilled air blew, "and a wise man told me to let him decide."

"I like this wise man." He teased, "but that wasn't too long ago he said that."

"It wasnt that long ago I decided." I squeezed his hand tight, "but it's time. Noah will go back and I might just get back to work."

"Good, I was missing my partner in crime. The lieutenant of my heart." He put a hand over his heart and I pulled away.

"Now that was cheesy."

"Sue me." He laughed and gave me a kiss.

Lips together, firm but soft. I held my breath, only breathing once he deepened the kiss and the outside world melted away.  _ **Never had any other man did this to me. None of them felt like this.... Even if they understood me or grew with me, Rafael was definitely different and every right way.**_ He pulled back as I tried to focus in on why he was laughing and shaking his head.

"Todavía eres mi hija, no presiones tu suerte.(You are still my daughter, don't push your luck.)"

Definitely Saxon making a joke. Noah laughed and ran over to us as she stuck out her tongue and he kissed her forehead.

"Mi alma, por siempre y siempre(My soul, forever and always)." He smirked, "just like the torture I endure from you."

"You love me stop it." She laughed as he pulled back and turned to me.

"Kids, Por qué nos molestamos?(why do we even bother?)"

I picked up Noah as sax slapped his shoulder, "funny. Try living without me to cook for you papa. Morir de inanición(Die of starvation.)"

"Who knew my soul had such bite." He hugged her.

"Just like her dad." I winked.

"They could be twins." Noah smiled as we all laughed.

* * *

_**Noah** _

* * *

Rafa took us out to dinner, a small dinner down the way from our house. It felt good to get out and run around, especially with sax there to chase me and play. But I was missing school and Lucy... And grandma Sheila. Mommy said she was sick and in the hospital, I felt bad but she was getting better and that was more important then being home with us. Besides, the house felt full with us four in it. 

I had chicken fingers and macn cheese, watching TV with sax at the bar stool seats as mommy and Rafa sat behind us. Sax said it was so they could kiss and all that nasty cootie stuff, then we caught them kissing and talking more. She looked happy though, I hadn't seen her smile like that in a while and it was nice. She even called us over after we got pie, sitting to eat with them as mommy made an announcement.

"So Noah, mommy has been thinking a lot and talking with Rafa and sax. We think it might be good if you get back to school and I get back to work." She paused, "what do you think?"

I smiled and nodded, sax cheering for me as I took a bite before I joined in.

"Then it's settled." Rafa smiled, "everyone will be back to work or school as of next week."

I hugged him and he carried me home as I was half away. He dropped me on the bed and left me alone with Mom to get tucked in. With the door cracked, I took a chance to ask mom something I have been wanting to know.

"Hey Mommy, is Rafa and sax staying?"

"Of course Noah, it's their home too." She giggled with me.

"Is Rafa like my dad? Because the kids at school were always talking about their dad's and I talked about Rafa."

"I guess he is like a dad to you." She smiled, "and sax is a great sister."

"I really hope they stay... Or we stay. I like our family."

For a second I swore I saw her tear up, I don't know why she was sad but she wiped it away and kissed me goodnight.

"Then I guess we should stay. Night Noah."

"Night mommy." 

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I waited in the room, sax sitting with me for a moment as I put an arm around her, "I love you Alma."

"Love you too Papa." She giggled, "always."

"That's a big promise." I glanced over to her leaning on my shoulder, "what if I go senile? O qué pasa si me convierto en un asesino en serie?(Or what if I become a serial killer?)"

"I would love you, not your choices." She rolled her eyes, what was it you always said to me?... In the sunlight or the rain. Brightest nights or darkest days. I'll always feel the same way. Whatever road you may be on. Know you're never too far gone. My love is there wherever you may be. Just remember that you'll always be my baby."

I smiled and kissed her head, "you do remember everything, I need to talk to mamí about that."

She laughed with me before sighing and looking down towards our feet. I let the silence hang a moment, taking in this moment. I will never want to forget this... Just like her first steps and first words and the first time I took her to a show and seen her face light up... I would remember this moment.

"So Alma, Puede guardar un secreto?(can you keep a secret?)"

"When don't I?" She looked at me, not moving her head from my arm.

"Just between me and you, it think they're keepers." I smiled as she nodded.

"Didn't we already decide on that?"

"Yeah but, Mamí told me to make sure the keepers don't go." I leaned in to the shell of her ear, "y con suerte pronto, tampoco podrán(and hopefully soon, they won't be able too.)"

She pulled back and noticed the box I had hidden in my hand, "no... Your kidding right?"

"No, I'm going to make sure we're all happy, Por siempre y para siempre(forever and always.)"

She laughed and kissed my cheek, "forever and always papa, but I can share the title. Tu familia es tu alma.(Your family is your soul.)"

I nodded, "maybe here after things get back to normal... I want to keep this good thing going."

She looked in the box and tucked it in her pocket, "just tell me when papa, I'd do anything to see you happy."

_**And in that moment I knew life would be just fine. No doubt everything will go well and Liv would say yes. We would be a family legally to go with everything else. We would be happy, because if there is anything I wanted in life... It was to be happy with my family.** _

**_Mami, Alma, Liv, Noah, and the squad.... Family._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this here lies the end of the story. I hope you enjoyed!!!!


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